I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
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The truly good listeners of the world do more than just listen. They listen, seek to understand, and then validate. That third point is the secret sauce—the magic ingredient.
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Validation is nonjudgmental. It allows the other person to feel whatever they’re feeling without labeling it as “good” or “bad.”
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Offering validation—before or instead of offering advice or assurance—is often the best way to help.
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Effective validation can come only after we’ve connected with the other person and are able to understand—at least to some extent—what they are feeling.
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Micro validation lets the other person know you’re paying attention and encourages them to continue sharing. It also fosters a sense of safety and trust.
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Giving unsolicited advice or assurance—especially before you validate the other person’s emotions—trivializes their experience. It suggests that 1) you don’t think they should feel the way they do, and 2) you know how to resolve the issue better than they do.