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I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
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I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships

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4.17  ·  Rating details ·  4,318 ratings  ·  571 reviews
+ 2018 IPA Book Award Winner What if making one tweak to your day-to-day conversations could immediately improve every relationship in your life? In this 3-hour, conversational read, you’ll discover the whats, whys, and hows of one of the most valuable (yet surprisingly little-known) communication skills—validation.

Whether you’re looking to improve your relationship wi
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Kindle Edition, 149 pages
Published June 10th 2017 by Autumn Creek Press
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Robin (Bridge Four)
Audible Daily Deal: 9/16/19 for $1.95

I’ve only read a few self-help style books, but I’m trying to improve my communication style not only in my own relationship but in my new job as a supervisor, so I’ve been on the lookout for something that would fit into that category and this fit the bill.
“Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart. And those who learn to listen are the most loved and respected.”
– Richard Carlson

There are some great things about this
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Dee Arr
A few jobs ago, I attended a two-day work seminar which consisted of educating managers and supervisors how to motivate employees and build a strong team. One section dealt with communication techniques, particularly with folks who were anywhere along the mildly upset to angry spectrum. One of the key points to having a successful outcome involved validating the other person. I wasn’t sure if author Michael S. Sorensen would have anything new to add, but as Les Brown said, “It’s always good to b ...more
Macayla Fryc
Despite the absolute fundamental application of this validation principle, I've never heard it spoken of in all my years of communication study. What a pity because incorporating validation will absolutely 110% improve relationships, which is a truly exciting thought. Who DOESN'T want to understand? Who DOESN'T want to be understood?
At it's essence, validation is offering the affirmation every human being unconsciously seeks. The only reason I could think of that it would be overlooked in liter
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Isabelle | Nine Tale Vixen
(Won through a Goodreads giveaway! Thank you to author Michael Sorensen for providing me a free e-copy.)

The introduction was a little off-putting; it’s very clear that, as Sorensen himself states, he doesn’t have much experience as a writer: overly descriptive language, cliches, excessive italics, and multiple grammatical errors (whose/whose, their/there/they’re). Most relevantly, the suggested lines and dialogue samples don’t quite read as natural, which doesn’t help his point about using them
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Anders Brabaek
The book in a nutshell:
1. Empathize
2. Validate their emotions
And then, if requested
3. Provide your perspective /recommendations
4. Finish with final validation

Most often only 1 and 2 is needed. Providing perspectives and advice without validating people's emotions and recognizing that their emotions are understandable/acceptable is a frequent flaw committed by most people.

I found the above convincing and paying more attention to validating people's feelings and emotions is surely sound advice.

T
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Aryeh
Sep 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I wish more self-help books were like this. There is hardly an extra word here, it recognizes nuance where it exists, and it reflects the conclusions of the research, not just the author's opinion and experience.

Sorenson's steps for listening include:
How to Listen empathically
How to engage in Micro and Macro Validation
How to Ask for Permission and how to Give Feedback
How to Validate Again (it's worth repeating) and how to Validate Vulnerability

It may be that you have intuited some of what is
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Deb✨
Jun 20, 2020 rated it really liked it
Good information.
Narilka
Mar 15, 2018 rated it it was amazing
"Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart" - Richard Carlson

Such a simple concept and yet it seems like the need frequently goes unmet. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who is obviously listening to the words you're saying but didn't seem to get what you meant? Or understood your point and were obviously disconnected from the emotion or weight of the situation? I Hear You by Michael S. Sorensen is all about the power of validation and how to use
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Becky
Mar 09, 2018 rated it really liked it
I received this book through a Goodreads giveaway

This book is a concise review of essential listening skills. It does not, as many personal development books do, spend a lot of time explaining why you might want to read the book/acquire these skills (this always frustrates me. You've already got me as a reader. Let's get right to the substance). Short and sweet without claiming to reveal anything terribly new, this is the kind of book I appreciate to help me to review and recalibrate. Am I the k
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Albert
This is one of the best self-improvement or skill-improvement guides that I have ever come across. It is short, concise, direct, and easy to digest. Like many others, I am sure, I have tried to use active listening techniques in the past and found them obvious, programmatic and insincere. This book describes a truly empathic way to listen.

Although I don't just expect to change my habits and approach quickly and completely (I am not that easy to change), I intend to go back to this a few more tim
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Emily Housworth
Sep 12, 2018 rated it really liked it
Thanks, Macayla for the recommendation/book loan. This was a really easy and practical read and will make you excited to be a better listener and thus a better friend or spouse or coworker or what have you. Time to put those phones away and practice some good ol’ fashioned listening and validation!
Redcheeks64 ALFORD
Loved the book! It had me to reevaluate my relationships.This is a great self-help book!
Charles Lau
Jul 22, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This book is REALLY good and useful. I’ve read a lot of self-help books, and this one really stands out in that it focuses on a single skill: validation. Whenever someone tells you something (positive or negative), rants to you, etc., they are likely seeking validation. What that means is that they just want their feelings and emotions to be understood. It’s important to recognize that they are NOT necessarily looking for advice.

Validation comprises identifying the emotions of a person and then
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Katy
Mar 18, 2018 marked it as physical_to-read_stack
I received my copy free through Goodreads Giveaways.
Jinx:The:Poet {the Literary Masochist, Ink Ninja & Word Roamer}
**OBTAINED: Goodreads Giveaway**

I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships

"More often than not, people who vent or complain already know how to handle their current situation—they’re just looking for someone to see and appreciate their struggle.”

I Hear You by Michael S. Sorensen, is a really valuable look into the skill of Validation in terms of relationships, whether that be personal, such as romantic relationships, family relationships, friendships to casual
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Samantha
Nov 13, 2018 rated it it was ok
Having been lectured endlessly by professors about the importance of finding reliable sources for academic papers, I was really shocked when I read the introduction for this book and discovered that Sorensen isn't necessarily an "academic" or professional in the field of communication. It made me really skeptical about reading his book. If you're going to purchase a "how-to" book that you earnestly want to learn from, you generally want to ensure that you're using a trusted, reliable resource. I ...more
Crissy Mae
Oct 21, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Very informative and to the point!

My fiancé and I struggle with communication, we can talk about anything & everything very openly but there was something missing and I would get really frustrated about things or feel invalidated. Which would often lead to me shutting down and not wanting to talk. I used to tell him that I felt like he wasn’t validating me. I did a search on communication & found this book. Very thorough and straight to the point. This is a great communication skill that could b
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Michael
This was literally the best book I read on the art of listening. I always been told that I was a great listener but I am guilty of trying to solicit advice when it is not asked. I love how the author was so transparent,sharing his story on how he even struggles with listening effectively.

Listen before responding
Empathize instead of sympathize
Avoid absolutes, only use words like “ Often or Most”
Avoid saying “ But” Replace that with And to diminish the subtle insult that is coming after an offh
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 tatiana ❀
Sep 28, 2019 rated it it was ok
At the beginning of the book (during the unnecessary 30min prologue about how important and revolutionary and unique this book is), the author says that book is short because he can't stand when people stretch something that could have been said in 100 pages to 300 pages. But to be honest this 3hr (about 100 page) book could've been done in like 10 minutes. I WANTED TO DNF A 3 HOUR AUDIOBOOK. I don't read many self help books but oh god was this repetitive.

Also, the author didn't acknowledge at
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Caitlin
Jul 03, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I received a copy of this book through a goodreads giveaway.

I was actually surprised by this book. I expected to start reading and find if full of things I was already aware of, and offer tips that I was already using. While there was a lot I was already aware of it, Sorensen also offered up quite a bit of information and advice that I wasn't already aware of and that I have found to be useful. The book is easy to read and doesn't beat around the bush, making it a quick read as well.
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Barb Eck
Aug 03, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is a book I definitely recommend for all readers hoping to improve their relationships. I am glad I got this book free from Goodreads.

This is a quick, easy read that's written in a conversation style. In this age of technology, we need a book like this to help in our relationships. It helps you validate your friends and family and connect more successfully with them. Michael Sorensen seems to know your questions almost before you think of it and gives you the answer.
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Micki
Mar 14, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Very helpful and honest.
Straight to the point without any fluff and filler, which I greatly appreciate.
The skill really is just that simple, but not every relationship is the same, and that is taken into account.
The next time someone asks for relationship/marriage advice I will recommend this book.
I was given a copy of this e book in exchange for an honest review.
Mike He
Jul 19, 2018 rated it it was amazing
If there is anything I've learned from I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships, that has to be the word "validation" and its true meaning in any relationships. Michael Sorensen knows what's driving a meaningful and healthy conversation, which makes this book worth reading again and again. ...more
AnnARegina Enyedi
Mar 28, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Eye-opening! Validate, validate, validate feelings!
(Important ideas for me: ask permission to express your opinion or suggestion, + avoid the use of extreme words like "never" and "always")
Congrats and thank you, Michael Sorensen! :)
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Michael
May 02, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Good advice, succinct, practical, useful.
Tina Derby
May 20, 2018 rated it liked it
Good reminders

A good reminder of how validation can be an communication tool; professionally and personally. Good book if you are unfamiliar with how validation can be effective.
Claudia
Meh... maybe I wasn't listening. The author says he's not a professional...should have stopped listening at that point ...more
Angie Dokos
Sep 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book needs to be read by everyone. So many people just don’t understand and this book sums it up in a nice simple way. Yeah, most of it is common sense and some people have and show empathy and care without a problem, but some really need to work at it. I think this book could really help those people. And it can be a great reminder for some people that have the ability without practicing it. Some of us have it but let distractions affect our ability to communicate and build lasting relatio ...more
Michael Millett
Feb 10, 2021 rated it it was amazing
This book is simple in message & writing, making it a fast read. Though, do not mistake its brevity & read-time for a lacking message because this book contains anything but! Listening has been a skill I have intensely focused on in adulthood & especially this past year. Sorenson provides a simple & often overlooked aspect of communication that is paramount to building lasting & meaningful friendships & relationships with others. If you feel like your listening skills are lacking, or would like ...more
Julie
Oct 27, 2019 rated it really liked it
If everyone in the world could read this book and take its simple lesson to heart then the world would be a better place. Listen to what people say. Don't just be waiting for your turn to talk. Don't dismiss or ignore other people's attempts to reach out.

"We want (and need) more than just a listening ear. As humans, we need to feel heard and understood. We need to feel accepted and appreciated. Good listeners, therefore, do more than just listen—they validate"
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19 likes · 5 comments
“Ignoring, dismissing, or suppressing your emotions doesn’t get rid of them; it buries them. It tucks them away to fester and arise again at a later time. When you recognize and validate your emotions instead, you strip away the judgment—the “I’m bad,” “this is wrong,” or “I shouldn’t” responses—and allow your experiences to flow through you. It helps you quell the inner critic and live a more present and enjoyable life.” 8 likes
“More often than not, people who vent or complain already know how to handle their current situation—they’re just looking for someone to see and appreciate their struggle.” 6 likes
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