High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way

by Brendon Burchard

let’s define “having influence” as the ability to shape other people’s beliefs and behaviors as you desire.

Part of gaining influence is simply learning to make a lot of requests and getting better at making those requests

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” —Mark Twain

The more experience they had in facing their fear, the less fear and stress they felt.6

The more actions you take facing fear, expressing yourself, and helping others, the easier and less stressful these actions become.

Courage, it turns out, is contagious, just like panic or cowardice.7 If your kids see you fearful of life, they’ll feel it—and they’ll model it.

physical courage, when you put yourself in harm’s way to meet a noble goal

Moral courage is speaking up for others or enduring hardship for what you believe is right, to serve the greater good.

Psychological courage is the act of facing or overcoming your own anxieties, insecurities, and mental fears

Everyday courage could mean keeping a positive attitude or taking action despite great uncertainty (such as moving to a new city), bad health, or hardship (such as sharing unpopular ideas or showing up every day for work even when things are tough at the office).

Do no harm is an important concept in courage.

Doing nothing when you’re expected to can be courageous—that’s a truth revealed in nonviolent demonstrations.

You are capable of remarkable things that you could never foretell and will never discover without taking action.

We’re at a unique time in history, when more countries and communities have greater abundance than ever before. But in such blessings, there can be a curse—people can become resistant to struggle.

Today, making any recommendations that would require real effort, trial, difficulty, or patient persistence is out of fashion. Ease and convenience reign. People often quit marriages and school and jobs and friendships at the first sign of difficulty. If you quit at the first sign of difficulty in your everyday life, what are the odds you’ll persist in the face of real fear or threat?

We must learn to honor the struggle. Unfortunately, struggle is a hard sell.

To achieve excellence requires hard work, discipline, routines that can become boring, the continual frustrations that accompany learning, adversities that test every measure of our heart and soul, and, above all, courage.

When we learn to see struggle as a necessary, important, and positive part of our journey, then we can find true peace and personal power.

Those who hate the struggle, or fear it, end up complaining, losing motivation, and quitting.

There are only two narratives in the human story: struggle and progress.

All those ups and downs are what make us most human.

No matter how difficult it gets, the next step is still your choice. For that, let’s be thankful.

Struggle must be seen as part of the process

Accepting that difficult times will come allows you to wake with a sense of realism and readiness, to anticipate problems and be prepared for them, to maintain calm when the winds of change might topple lesser leaders.

consider the problem rather than avoid it.

“What is the next right action for me to take right now?”

Embrace the suck.

You will make it through.

count on the blessings,

in times of difficulty: to have faith in yourself and the future.

personal freedom. Our spirits soar when we feel unencumbered by fear or the weight of conformity. When we live our truth—expressing who we really are, how we really feel, what we really desire and dream of—then we are authentic; we are free.

Showing the world who you are, authentically and unapologetically, brings a great deal of risk. People often talk about that—how they want to be real, but doing so invites so much judgment or rejection.

If someone believes in you and sees greatness in you, sure, try to live up to that. But for anyone who doubts or diminishes you, forget about it. Don’t bother trying to please them. Live a life that is yours.

After talking with so many high performers, I have to confess that I hope you meet with judgment and friction. It’s a sign you’re on your own path and aiming for great things.

Many people wrote in and said they weren’t worried that others would judge them as insufficient; they were worried that by being their best, they would make others feel insufficient.

Do not dare play small, my friend. Do not feel guilt because you have high aims. Those dreams were seeded in your soul for a reason, and it is your duty to honor them.

This kind of thinking is not humility, my friend. It’s fear.

No one wants to be in connection with a fake person.

If you’re gulping back your real thoughts and dreams just to “fit in” or make others feel better, then you can’t blame them or anyone else. Because it’s you choking yourself. And while you’re at it, you’re squeezing the life out of your relationships.

No one can quiet you without your permission. No one can minimize your self-image but you. And no one can open you up and release your full power but you.

They’re trying to make others “happy” or “comfortable.” And so they have these brilliant ideas, and not only do they not share them, they make the most lethal mistake of all: They don’t ask for help.

The people who are in your life for the right reasons will listen to your truth. They’ll applaud your ambition. They’ll be happy to meet the person behind the face. They’ll thank you for sharing, for being real, for trusting them.

make it a daily practice to be sharing your thoughts and goals and feelings with others. Every day, share something with someone about what you really think and want in life.

These are simple statements. It’s a simple formula. What do you want to share? Whatever it is, share it. Then take bold action each day to bring it to reality.

Often, it doesn’t come from you. It comes from wanting to serve another, to love another, to fight for another.

We will do more for others than for ourselves. And in doing something for others, we find our reason for courage, and our cause for focus and excellence.

Sometimes, courage appears to be a spontaneous act. But what I have found is that it’s usually an expression or action built up from years of caring deeply about something or someone. So begin seeking things and people you care about.

Just as the universe doesn’t become less complex, life doesn’t tend to get easier. But you get stronger. You learn to show up more, cope better, and be truer and more conscious amid the judgment and hardship.

The kinds of courageous acts that you are proud of at the end of your life are those in which you faced uncertainty and real risk, with real stakes, when doing something for a cause or person beyond yourself, without any assurance of safety, reward, or success.

Deep down, away from all the noise, where love blankets your heart and your dreams lie in wait, you are not afraid.