(Artie’s father, my Uncle Ted, is an incubus, which makes Artie a half-incubus, which means he’s been taking longer than normal to get the walking porn soundtrack that is his body chemistry under control. Since incubi are by and large very focused on consent and making sure no one is doing anything they don’t want to do, Artie spends a lot of time locked in his basement, avoiding the sort of girls who might accidentally decide they want to marry him and have his quarter-incubus geek babies. Which is all of them, barring close relatives and people like our Cousin Sarah, whose body chemistry is
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