Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life (Unfu*k Yourself series)

by Gary John Bishop

in other words, if you’re willing to put up with your situation—then whether you like it or not, that is the life you have chosen.

Not some wispy, sheepish willingness but rather a bold willingness, the kind of willing state where you are ready for what’s next and ready to act on it. Willingness to change, willingness to let go, willingness to accept. Real, magical, inspired willingness.

“Life won’t stop for your pauses and procrastinations. It won’t stop for your confusion or fear. It will continue right along without you.”

times there is no greater motivation to change than the unwillingness to do “this” any longer. Which one works for you in your life currently? “I am willing” or “I am unwilling”?

In the moment you realize you have cognitively and systematically put yourself here, guess what? That’s right, you can cognitively and systematically get yourself out!

Of course you might well be dealing with something much bigger than these examples but even when you ramp it up, the same model works exceptionally well. Let’s say you have been holding on to a dark secret. Maybe you’re ashamed or guilty or resentful. Perhaps this is something that could change your life in a significant way. “Am I willing to tell the truth to that person I’ve been lying to?” When you frame it this way, coming clean becomes an occasion to talk, listen, and then deal with the consequences. You might be dreading it but you can do it. It’s not the task that’s important, it’s the life that’s available after that’s at stake here. When you are free to be open and available, with nothing held back, no lies, no withholds or half-truths, you really are your most expressive, most alive self.

Instead of wasting time worrying about the things other people have, you’ll start focusing on what’s really important to you and your life. You’ll realize that once you replace envy, lust, and desire with a willingness to change your life for the better, things really start to take shape.

The point is, you’re winning in whichever domain you are playing in. You’re wired to win in that domain. What it takes to move out of that domain is going to require some significant changes to your automatic.

If you’re struggling to get work done, perhaps you believe that you’re incapable or lazy. You prove that idea every single time you pause or procrastinate. You’re proving to yourself and others that you really are that person. Why do we do such things? We are survival machines and what better way to survive what’s to come than by reliving what has been? After all, it got you this far regardless of how bad or negative it has been. You have survived.

Often the reason you can’t see the solution is because you’re too close to the problem. Zoom out a little, zoom out a LOT and look at the big picture. This is a phenomenon similar to what psychologists call “cognitive restructuring”—shifting the way in which your problems are presenting themselves in your life.

uncertainty is where things happen. Uncertainty is your personal pathway to opportunity. It’s the environment in which you grow, experience new things, and produce new, unprecedented results. Uncertainty is where new happens.

By running from uncertainty in search of certainty, we’re actually rejecting the one thing in life that is guaranteed in favor of something that’s nothing more than a fantasy.

The person who accepts how unpredictable and uncertain life is has no choice but to embrace it. They’re not afraid of the uncertain; it’s just a part of life. They don’t seek out certainty because they know it doesn’t really exist. They are also the kind of people who are aware of and open to the real magic and miracles of life and what can be accomplished.

As you’ve probably noticed, when you do try to stay in your comfort zone, you never truly feel comfortable. There’s always that nagging feeling that you could be doing more. There’s always that desire for a life that’s better than the one you have now. The more we try to stay comfortable today, the more uncomfortable we’ll be tomorrow. There

But if you want to win, you have to be willing to be judged by others and not let it get to you. If you want to do something truly great, you’ll have to accept that some people are going to think you’re delusional or an idiot or self-righteous.

That’s why I want you to shift your thinking. Embrace the uncertainty. That’s your personal assertion: “I embrace the uncertainty.”

Meet it head on. Cherish it. Enjoy it.

I challenge you to go out today and take the bull by the horns and embrace your own uncertainty. Do the things you normally wouldn’t. Shake up that daily routine. Dare to dream, dare to risk and startle your life into life.

Focus on the things you can control and release yourself from worrying about what you can’t, like the weather, the Dow Jones, or what your neighbor thinks about your haircut.

You are not your thoughts. You are not defined by what’s inside your head. You are what you do. Your actions. “Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind, but great actions speak to all mankind.” - Theodore Roosevelt Most of us let our internal condition weigh heavily on what we do. But the truly great performers are great precisely because they’ve learned to experience those feelings while sidestepping the inclination to act upon them.

“You don’t have to feel like today is your day; you just have to act like it is.” As I consistently say to my clients, you don’t have to feel like today is your day; you just have to act like it is. Sure, it never hurts to be in the right kind of mood or mindset, but if we sit around waiting to be in the perfect mood, we’re just never going to get started.

You change your life by doing, not by thinking about doing.

The next time you’re feeling or experiencing any sort of negative or diminishing thought that disempowers you, move on immediately. Act independently of that thought. More specifically, act in a way that’s in your best interests rather than in a way that is dominated by how you automatically think and feel. Each time will be better than the last until your mind wakes up and realizes, “Hey, I can do this. I’m learning!”

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

Today, I want you to do something different than what you normally do. I want you to act in a way that’s independent of your typical negative or unproductive thoughts. Act on the moment and in line with what the item in front of your face demands of you. Fuck how you feel, ACT! Don’t wait for the mood to strike. Don’t get stuck looking for that magic feeling that will do the work for you. Simply act. Put aside your thoughts and move. It’s not about psyching yourself up. It’s not about getting everything aligned just right. Just act. Do it. Not in a minute. Not after this show is over. Now. Of course, your mind will always try to rationalize not acting. It’ll remind you of all the other things you could be doing. It’ll drudge up all your recent stresses and doubts. But don’t act on your thoughts. Act on what’s in front of you. Change your life by changing your actions. That’s the only way.

The point is, positive thinking isn’t a predictor of accomplishment any more than negative thinking indicates failure. All of the people described above acted independently of their internal condition. You can, too.

It’s all about action. Going out there, doing it, and taking all your negative bullshit along for the ride. It’s never going to get any better, any easier, or any more understandable. This is it, life is now and you’re never going to have a better moment than this.

“Action may not bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.”

“I am not my thoughts; I am what I do.”

Rather than worrying about whether you should keep going or turn back, press in relentlessly. Relentlessness has one direction, and that’s forward. It only has one option, and that’s to keep the momentum going.

I contend that the upsets strewn throughout your entire life are a product of thousands of unspoken or unrecognized expectations that cast a giant shadow across your life experience, causing great stress when you’re trying to make life fit with your expectations and great disappointment when life doesn’t match up to them.

Your problems don’t derail you, your hidden expectations do!

The next time you catch yourself getting brought down by your expectations, shift things in a different direction. Instead of getting your knickers in a twist about how things didn’t turn out the way you wanted or expected them to, simply accept them for what they are. In that moment you are now freed up to deal with them.

While you’re thinking one thing, they’re more than likely thinking something completely different. That thing that’s got you feeling pissed may not have even registered on their radar. They could be completely oblivious to what’s going on with you. Instead of silently expecting something and feeling slighted when it doesn’t happen, let go of that expectation. If there’s something you want, how about asking for it with no expectation? And when you do something positive or generous, do it because you genuinely want to rather than loading in the added weight of what you expect in return.

When we feel “off,” we put our lives off. That’s right, you’re waiting on a feeling.

It’s this simple: in order to improve your internal world, you have to start by taking action in the external world. Get out of your mind, and get out into your life.

Here’s the thing: future you is not going to regret a lack of achievement or the absence of any one thing in your life. The only thing you will regret is not trying. Not striving. Not pushing through when the going got tough.

Your internal condition means nothing. It’s just another excuse that you give yourself to stay out of the risky zones of life. The problem is, those risky zones ARE life! The rest is just existing.

why is it you show more passion for your past than you do for your future? You

If you continue to be led by your emotions, you’ll only be left with regret. You’ll

What I AM saying is you need to get those experiences much further down the ladder of importance and act on what is going to make the biggest difference to your life.