Head On (Lock In, #2)

by John Scalzi

“You said his job was franchisee relations, right?” Vann asked. I nodded. “Then it’s not his job to tell the truth. It’s his job to keep the money from bolting.”

“Agent Shane, your father may be investing in the league, is it appropriate for you to be part of the FBI investigation?” “No comment,” I said. “Chris, are you dating anyone?” “What?” I said. “Really?” “You’re still famous!” “Jesus. No comment,”

“You had certain expectations and understandings with your husband, Mrs. Chapman. About intimacy. About who you both spent your time with and how that time was spent. If your husband went against that, then he was unfaithful to you. Whether it counts as ‘sex’ is immaterial to that.”

“No history of depression, generally enthusiastic about life, all that. Apparently a ‘go-getter.’” “What does that mean?” “I think it means he was an asshole, just an enthusiastic one who did his job and got things done.”

“You don’t understand,” Vann said. “Once you feed a cat tuna, it doesn’t go back to regular cat food. You try to feed that cat regular food now, it will just stare at you accusingly. And if you don’t produce the tuna, the cat will go and shit in your shoes.”

Then Donut the cat came out of the twins’ room and meowed down the stairs, as if to say, What the actual fuck, humans?

“She’s not wrong,” Tony observed. “I wouldn’t have put it that way,” I said. “Of course you wouldn’t, you did that dumbass ‘pinky swear’ thing with her,” Vann said. “You’re best friends forever now.”

There’s that old saying: Fast, cheap, and good, you get to pick two. The two you just picked are fast and good. Cheap has just left the building.”