Basic Witches: How to Summon Success, Banish Drama, and Raise Hell with Your Coven

by Jaya Saxena

In this book, witchcraft doesn’t mean occult or religious practices that historical witches may (or may not) have engaged in, nor does it mean the religious practice that is a sacred tradition for many people worldwide. We don’t want to diminish that kind of witchcraft or lay claim to it. For our purposes, witchcraft means the kind of mundane pursuits that might once have resulted in accusation: enjoying sex, controlling reproductive health, hanging out with other women, not caring what men think, disagreeing, and just knowing stuff. Our witchcraft is a cultural ethos. Our witchcraft is about rebellion—not for rebellion’s sake, but with the purpose of living true to ourselves. That may mean embracing the traits you’ve been told make you weird, gross, insufficiently feminine. Many women are taught from an early age that any power we have, even power over ourselves, is considered dangerous, but witches revel in that danger. Ambition, assertiveness, nonconformity, high standards, the ability to say no, control over your own body: all witchcraft, by our definition.

This witchcraft is your birthright—not just because you’re a woman (if that’s even how you identify) but because you’re a person. Mainstream culture wants you to fit into a predefined role. Witchcraft enables you to find personal purpose, truth and intention. It allows you to discover the crafts, talents, and interests that make you you, without requiring that you recognize any one skill as superior or essential. You already have the potential to be a strong, self-actualized, powerful, ass-kicking witch. All you have to do is recognize

your abilities, hone your skills, and channel them into making some magic.

Our version of modern magic is a means for navigating any mental obstacles that crop up—essentially, magic is a set of tricks to outwit yourself outwitting yourself. (We said brains were weird!) And it works. We know because we’ve made it happen ourselves.

try pairing a long black skirt with a black camisole, or black jeans with a black crop top, or a black sweater with black shorts.

Black-on-black patterns and textured fabrics—lace, embossed velvet, sheer, jacquard, tonal stripes—can fit any style from goth to chic, and a little goes a long way. Plus, having clothing in a variety of textures can save you from the witch’s primary sartorial challenge: spotting the one black garment you’re looking for in your pile of all-black clothing.

To prevent fading, wash black duds in cold water using a detergent specially designed for darks. Extend time between washings of black jeans by placing them in a plastic bag in the freezer to kill odors. Remove deodorant stains from black tops by wetting the area, covering it with salt, and letting it stand for a couple of hours before washing. And if your clothes do fade, don’t drive yourself crazy digging for a slightly more faded pair of black leggings to wear with a slightly more faded top. Life’s too short to match blacks. For a witch, it all counts.

For stability, wear flat or heavy shoes.

For emotional protection, wear layers.

For confidence, wear loud jewelry.

For comfort in times of stress, wear soft, soothing textures.

For relief from worry or fear, wear tight-fitting accessories.

Unlike soft, pastel, or subtle cosmetics, all-black makeup is an extra-bold look and can banish your expectations about what a made-up face “should” look like. Paint on black lipstick (or apply liquid eyeliner to lips). Paint the entirety of your eyelids black and smudge it out as far as it’ll go. Hell, use black eyeshadow as contouring bronzer. Even if you wear it for just a few minutes by yourself, let black makeup be a positive shock to your system (and snap a selfie while you’re at it).

A SPELL TO Find Your Colors Lots of beauty brands will try to match “flattering” colors to your skin tone or eyes, but what are the colors that are going to make you feel as beautiful and enchanting as possible? WHAT YOU’LL NEED: A full moon A bathtub A candle in your favorite color Matches Draw a warm bath and light the candle at the edge of the tub. Stare into the flame as you recite this incantation three times: Fire, earth, water, sea Let the rainbow shine through me. Repeat the incantation silently as you close your eyes, and picture yourself

from above. Visualize your body, and then watch the water around you slowly change color. It could be all one color or a few. Then let the color or palette you see inspire your makeup looks—even if it’s a shade you’ve always been told not to wear. Be as bold or subtle as you like; if you see blue, for instance, you could go for retro blue eyeshadow, striking ice-blue lips, or even a classic blue-toned red. If you (like Jess) hate baths, you can also find your spirit colors by meditating. Close your eyes and picture yourself in a room where you feel a profound sense of ease and safety. You are sitting in an armchair, and there is a flower in a vase. Concentrate on your feeling of security, then look at your surroundings. What color is the upholstery? The flower? The quality of the light in the room? Now envision yourself outside, in a setting of transcendent beauty. You’re surrounded by flowers here, too, and the scenery is so spectacular it almost takes your breath away. Concentrate on that feeling of overpowering beauty and then look around. What color are the flowers? What color is the sky? These visualizations help you tap into the colors you associate with different mental states and thoughtfully incorporate

them into your makeup and wardrobe in order to feel gorge...

The shaved head is a banishing spell. It’s a total elimination of the concept of hair as accessory—with a shaved head, your face is what you get. Shaving your head is a drastic change, and you risk learning the hard way that your skull is a weird shape. But weigh that against the prospect of freeing yourself from one of the million things women are supposed to worry about. How to do it: Talking a stylist into shaving your head can be hard—there’s no going back with this ’do! But it’s not too hard to DIY, if you have the courage. First cut your hair short with scissors, then have a friend use an electric clipper over your whole head. Start with a long guard on the clipper and see how it looks; you can always go shorter. And don’t forget: your head now needs sunscreen, even more than the rest of you!

The partial shave is a hex on expectations. You have options with this cut: Shave the side! Shave both sides! Shave the underside all the way around your head! Shave everything but your bangs! (Technically this last one is called a Chelsea cut, not an undercut, but this distinction matters only when you go to the salon and ask for it. We include it here as a variation of “partly shaved, partly not.”) In some ways, a partial shave is even more subversive than a full buzz cut: instead of doing away with feminine tresses entirely, you’re cutting into them, mutilating them. “Here’s what I think of your beauty standards,” this style says. (Also, it’s well ventilated in the summer, and with it you kinda look like Tank Girl.) How to do it: We recommend enlisting a stylist, especially for maintenance between cuts, which can be tricky. Shave whichever side you prefer. If you’re bold enough to give yourself this look, start shaving from where your hairline meets your ear up to the parietal ridge, located about three finger-widths above the top of the ear (you should be able to feel a bony ridge on your head where your skull starts to curve), although shaving the entire side can look great, too. How far back you shave, or whether you continue all the way around from one side to the other, depends on your preferences and your courage. (A

A SPELL FOR Haircut Confidence Even if you’re ready for a change, a drastic haircut can be a leap of faith. This spell can help settle your mind before you head to the salon. WHAT YOU’LL NEED: Scissors (smaller is better) 2 pieces of tape Use the scissors to snip a small lock of hair from a hidden spot on your head. Tape one end of the strand to a table or counter. Stroke the strand seven times, focusing your mind on your anxieties: What’s the worst-case scenario for this haircut? What are your worries about your appearance? What are you frightened people will think of you? Carefully separate the piece of hair into three parts, and plait it into a simple braid. As you braid, picture your anxieties being tangled and trapped into the pattern. Each

time you cross one strand over another, more of your worries are caged inside the braid and away from your conscious mind. Tape the end of the braid. Remove the taped end from the table and fold it over to hold the other end of the braid. Hold the braid between your hands, close to your heart. Thank your hair for having been a part of you, and for carrying your anxieties away with it. Bury the hair in a flowerpot or in the ground, or loop it around a branch of a tree or bush to release your anxieties into nature.

Amethyst: Healing and protection against negative energy Moonstone: Balance and enhancement of the feminine Turquoise: Grounding emotions and opening the heart Jade: Good luck, fortune, and longevity Opal: Amplifying emotions and feelings, especially those of love and passion Rose quartz: Promoting gentleness, peace, and calm

IDEAS FOR TALISMAN-CHARGING ADVENTURES For happiness: Ride a roller coaster, eat a sundae, have an orgasm. For strength: Lift a heavy weight, scale a climbing wall, crush something safe to crush (nutshells, tin cans). For serenity: Float in water, watch a sunset, pet a dog. For confidence: Have an orgasm. (Orgasms will work for almost any of these, let’s be real.)

Remember when you discovered which colors make you feel relaxed, or strong, or attractive? Those are by no means just for makeup. Incorporate the colors that evoke your preferred mood through a shirt, a tie, a pocket square, cool socks, a watchband, or even a semipermanent hair color.

Yes, you can wear all-black menswear without looking like an undertaker or a hit man. The key is to mix textures. Wear a blazer with a bit of sheen over a soft black sweater, or pair your suit with a vest, shirt, and/or tie that features a subtle black-on-black pattern. Match shiny black with matte black, smooth with textured.

Talismans don’t have to be girly jewelry. Anything portable that you can keep on your person is a potential talisman, except something that might get a lot of incidental use, such as a handkerchief. Try turning a solid accessory like a pocket watch, tie clip, key ring, or simple leather cuff into your holder of power.

A SPELL TO Reject Pressure to Be Feminine Perform this charm to symbolically free yourself from society’s expectations and insulate yourself against the demands of others. WHAT YOU’LL NEED: Newspaper, cardboard, or other material to protect work surface 2 sheets of white paper A tube of pink or red lipstick (not gloss), organic if you can afford it A pen with blue, black, or your favorite color ink As we’ve shown in this chapter, you can engage with the magic of self-care and self-presentation in plenty of ways without even dipping a toe in femininity. But

given the strength of societal pressures to conform, you might want this extra boost. Spread the newspaper over the work surface and place a sheet of paper on top. With the lipstick, write on the paper all the ways you’ve been pressured to express femininity. Include any hurtful things people have said to you for not being a girl or not being more girly. Don’t be dainty—scrawl. Make a mess. Press hard. (Don’t worry if you go off the edges of the paper. That’s what the newspaper is for.) Use the entire tube, but save the container. Then fold the paper seven times and bury it under a bush or tree, in a flowerpot, or, if necessary, among organic waste (such as vegetable peels) in your trash can. As the paper breaks down, those burdens will feed beauty—just not yours. Yours comes from somewhere else. On the second sheet of paper, use the pen to write all the ways in which you want to be seen. List what makes you feel valuable, successful, attractive, and loved. Fold the paper three times, roll it into a tube, and slide it into the empty lipstick container. Sleep with the container under your pillow for three nights.

Apply sunscreen, or a sun-protecting moisturizer or BB cream, daily. Picture the sunscreen creating a bubble of safety, shielding you from casual damage or danger.

Ordinary versions of these facial masks make the wearer look like a freaky ghost or mummy, but now you can get ones that are printed with the image of a panda, tiger, dragon, or even Cleopatra. Use them to soothe and moisturize your face while also getting in touch with your inner animal (or queen of ancient Egypt).

Hydrating lotion that has a pleasant scent is a treat for the senses, and using it is an excellent way to feel strong and secure in your body. Apply it slowly, taking time to appreciate every part of your body as both a source and receiver of appealing touch, looks, and fragrance. (A smooth lotion or oil works best; occlusives like Vaseline are too thick.)

It sounds like a marketing campaign, but washing your face before bed truly can feel like rinsing away the stresses of the day. Cleansing your face doesn’t have to be a multistep process, with toner and serum and whatnot, but let it be a conscious, meditative experience of renewal, rather than a perfunctory habit you do on autopilot simply so you don’t get zits.

The question of whether women should remove hair, and how much, and from where, is a vexing one. The two of us can’t (and don’t want to) tell you that you must shave your armpits or wax your mustache, but we can’t (and don’t want to) tell you that you must not do it, either. Letting your body hair grow free could feel like the epitome of unruliness, like giving a little up-yours to a society that wants us polished and pristine. But perhaps the unruliest option of all is to throw away notions of what you “should” do and instead do whatever makes you feel best. That might mean removing hair, letting it grow, or removing it only from the places where you

don’t like it. If you remove some, use the time you spend doing so as an opportunity to consciously reflect on how you want your body to look and feel. And if you don’t remove hair, take a moment every so often to revel in its lushness and texture. Appreciating your hair or smooth skin, rather than reacting to other people’s expectations, will allow you to feel the strength of your own beliefs glowing inside you.

A SPELL FOR Self-Care This quick, gender-neutral ritual charges up your preferred moisturizer, sunscreen, aftershave, or other personal care product (even deodorant, if you like). WHAT YOU’LL NEED: Any kind of daily or regular-use product A blank white sticker or mailing label A pen Find a quiet, safe place with no distractions. Close your eyes and envision the version of yourself that feels most handsome, beautiful, or vibrant—however you like to feel. This could be realistic or not; if you feel best as a lizard person in Renaissance garb, we won’t judge. Picture your ideal self placing your hands together and a glow emanating from between them. Then, in your vision, open your hands and see that the glow

surrounds a symbol, a simple combination of circles and lines. This symbol represents your ideal self. Open your eyes, and draw the symbol you envisioned on your sticker. Affix the sticker to your bottle of moisturizer, sunscreen, or other product, imagining the glow you previously envisioned coming from your hands now permeating its contents. Your product is now charged with the essence of whatever makes you feel strong and attractive. Every time you use it, picture that glow, and know that you’re invoking the power and protection of your ideal self. The spell will last until you finish the product.

An aloe plant is an even better kitchen multitasker than your combination grater/slicer/Microplane. This spiky succulent will look cute on your windowsill, and when disaster strikes, you can immediately break off a leaf and apply the juice to salve a burn or soothe

a minor skin irritation. What’s witchier than making a poultice out of your houseplant? (Aloe is a good moisturizer, too.)

As tea, in candy, as essential oils, or in other preparations, ginger and peppermint have been shown to reduce nausea, even as a result of morning sickness (ginger) and irritable bowel syndrome (peppermint). Ginger is a more effective seasickness remedy than homeopathic spray, wrist bands, electric shocks on accupressure points, or a placebo (MythBusters confirmed it!).

Once when Jess had a sinus infection, her boyfriend’s mom made her snort a pinch of cayenne pepper. It hurt like hell, but also…kinda worked. Instead of snorting it, we recommend adding cayenne to your tea when you have a cold to fight congestion or combining cayenne, olive oil, and beeswax to make an analgesic salve (the capsaicin in the pepper reduces pain).

No, it probably doesn’t prevent cancer or grant you the power to live to a hundred and twenty years old, or whatever, but green tea does have tons of antioxidant compounds called flavonoids, which can prevent cell damage and fight disease. Plus, a hot, healthful drink will leave you feeling alert, relaxed, and happy. Taking a few minutes to make a proper cup of tea—any kind—definitely counts as magical self-care.

Witch hazel, which is widely available in drug stores, can be used as an astringent and toner to clean skin and prevent acne, and it might soothe itchy bug bites. Tea tree oil may help prevent acne, too, and take the edge off of bee stings. Sometimes witch hazel is used for more serious skin problems like eczema and psoriasis, and tea tree oil is sometimes recommended as an antifungal. As long as you’re cautious (do not, for instance, take tea tree oil internally!) and willing to opt for a different remedy if things get worse, they might help and pose very little chance of harm.

Sprinkle this anti-inflammatory spice in tea, or mix it with plain yogurt and a little honey and apply it as a face mask. Just don’t leave it on your skin for too long—and definitely don’t put it in a bath—unless you want to spend the rest of your life scrubbing an intense yellow stain off your face or tub (though if you do, lemon juice can help remove the discoloration). Also, according to Jaya’s grandmother, warm milk with turmeric and a good

night’s sleep will cure any sickness you feel coming on. And Jaya’s grandmother knows everything. If you’re combining herbal remedies with conventional medicine, double- check with your doctor or pharmacist about potential serious side effects—for example, St. John’s wort, which has some clinical support as a natural treatment for depression, can also reduce the effectiveness of prescription medications (including birth control pills!). If your chosen herb is considered safe for you, the worst that can happen is nothing. And even if it does nothing, sometimes choosing to treat what’s bothering you is enough to make you feel better on its own.

Feel Comfortable Seeing a Doctor Doctors can be intimidating, clinics can feel icky, and speaking up for yourself can be hard if you feel uncomfortable. This ritual draws out the part of you that is capable of confident self-advocacy. WHAT YOU’LL NEED: A small toy, stuffed animal, or figurine Choose a stuffed animal, toy, action figure, or similar object that’s small enough to fit in your purse or, if you don’t carry one, your pocket. With your finger, draw a caduceus—that twisted-snakes emblem that indicates “medicine”—on the toy. Imagine light trailing your finger as you draw. The toy is now your medical advocate. It wants you to feel healthy, but not at the expense of your emotional and mental

stability. If you’re uncomfortable or confused, or if you disagree with something the doctor is telling you, it will speak up for you. But because it is a toy, you’ll have to speak on its behalf using your own words. Bring your advocate with you to the appointment. (It doesn’t have to leave your purse or pocket.) When the doctor tells you something, check in silently with your advocate: Did that make sense, or was it confusing? Is the doctor listening to me, or ignoring me? Is the way they’re speaking to me respectful and kind, or brusque and dismissive? Do I feel welcome in this office? Does my gender appear correctly on the intake form? Are there blood pressure cuffs that fit my arm? If at any point your advocate thinks your doctor is being too opaque, it will give you permission to ask for a clearer explanation. If your advocate thinks your doctor is wrong, it will give you permission to seek a second opinion. And if your advocate thinks you’re being treated badly, it will give you permission to leave. Remember, it wants you to be healthy—but it will also stick up for you, even if you’re too scared. Once your advocate gives you permission to do something, you can do it without fear, because you know you have a backup.

If you do need to leave, though, please tell the doctor “I don’t feel comfortable with how you’re treating me, and I’m going to leave now,” and not “I’m taking advice from my capacity for confident self-advocacy, which I have projected into ...

A SPELL TO Accept Compliments This spell will help you cultivate the confidence to be confident and believe in the radical power of your beauty. Perform it for your peace of mind or just to freak people out (both valid reasons). WHAT YOU’LL NEED: A handheld mirror (larger is better, but a compact is fine) A list of positive things about your face and body, written by a friend, partner, family member, or multiple people In 2015, twenty-year-old Claire Boniface performed a social experiment: Whenever a man sent her a compliment on a dating website, she’d agree with it. The results were swift and startling—men instantly retracted or reversed the compliments as soon as she accepted them. (Here’s a representative case: “Well you’re bloody cute aren’t ya,” says an unnamed

man. “Yes,” says Boniface. “Not really,” he snaps back.) When she shared the results on her Tumblr, the post went viral, and other women re-created the experiment to much the same results. Gaining (or regaining) control over your self-confidence isn’t easy—it feels almost out of your hands. Patriarchal culture needs women to stay anxious, on edge, and constantly seeking approval, and grants the power to give that approval to men only. But Boniface has given us words of power: Yes, I am. Thank you, I know. This spell builds on those simple, positive statements and can help incorporate loving (or not hating—baby steps!) your looks as a powerful part of your witchcraft practice. Go outside on a clear day when the sun is high, ideally sometime between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. Choose a quiet and peaceful outdoor spot where you feel at ease and where you’ll be relatively alone. (If you live in a city, don’t worry: people being a bit weird in public parks usually get a wide berth.) Find a spot to sit, or remain standing if you prefer. Hold up the mirror with its nonreflective surface toward you and its reflective surface toward the sun, so that your face is in shadow. Say the first compliment on the list out loud: for instance, “you have

beautiful eyes.” You can say it under your breath if there are people around. Slowly lower the mirror, turning it so that it reflects the light of the sun back up toward your face. (Don’t look at the mirror! Just feel the light reflected on your skin.) Repeat the compliment, but this time in your own words: “I have beautiful eyes.” As you say it, concentrate on the warmth of the sun. Imagine yourself soaking up the praise the way your skin soaks up warmth. Repeat for each positive trait on the list. When you’ve completed the list, repeat the following three times: I will not deflect. I will reflect. For the next two weeks, whenever you get a genuine compliment, lift and then lower your arm as if moving the mirror (if you are...

A SPELL TO Make Peace with Your Body This spell combines various traditions of symbolic representation to foster an intuitive approach to repairing your relationship with your body. WHAT YOU’LL NEED: Modeling clay A pen or pencil A sheet of paper A sharp tool, such as an X-Acto knife or toothpick The pin-filled, people-shaped pillows that Western society knows as voodoo dolls don’t have much to do with the Haitian religious magical practice of vodou. But using little effigies for magic is a long-standing practice: witches in Europe were regularly accused of working malign