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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
J.N. Chaney
Read between
July 3 - July 11, 2017
“Attack and kill the god!”
Just "kill the god!"
The men ran with weapons high, charging into chaos. Charging into doom.
I know you're trying to make this dramatic but the way you constantly do this "two consecutive sentences that try to say the same thing in two different epic ways" is getting pretty formulaic at this point
Against such a monster, what good could they achieve?
This is a completely different voice. Almost like a storyteller said it... But nothing else sounds like that, so it's jarring
slid the blade to create a massive wound.
Dry. Uninteresting.
made his way
Ran
John as he fired
John, busy firing
digging
Driving
blog
Blog?
in what could be called the forehead,
*facepalm*
A massive slit formed like parting waters as Terry slid down the rippling metal of the Guardian’s body.
Take another shot at this
god
"god", with quotation marks
“More will come,” said Barniby.
No probs, we have more!
ready to
Trying to
“For the good of Everlasting,” said the soldier. “Yes, for the good of Everlasting,” repeated the other.
Oh for fuck's sake, these guys sound like some wacky cult members from an MST3k movie
she was going
Wasn't?
A blast hit
Isn't it, like, a dart gun? I'd hardly call that a blast
She slid into the corner, moving too quickly to stop, and slammed her knee into the wall, leaving a large dent, but then kept going.
Run on sentence
but it was too late.
But too late
this once tranquil
This usually tranquil place
by a blast
By a shot
multiple shots,
Several times
hit by
Accosted by
but grazed her shirt.
But ONLY grazed her clothes. Stop reusing the shirt
Mei came in close
From her position on the ground?
followed quickly by stuffing the cloth into his nose,
Ok, think of a better way to word this. It paints a rather ludicrous mental picture
“If?”
"If what?"
“You’ll do no such thing!”
Go ahead and try/be my guest/fire away
The pain and fear of it filled her entire body.
Because she's such a pussy
Trembling like an infant babe.”
Just say "baby." You're really overdoing the melodramatic super villain thing
seems my hand must be forced.”
Seems they're rather eager for annihilation
giving him pause.
And there's that phrase again
No, away with that. Away with anger. Away with fear. Away with rage and monsters and regret and desire. Away with all the demons scratching at the glass. Away with transient echoes of the past. Away with fear of death. Away… Away… Away…
🙄
releasing blood.
"releasing blood"?
She pushed on him,
She pushed against him
and he
And though
b...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
Leave out the but
striking into his chest.
Not striking into. Either striking (meh) or plunging into his chest, piercing his chest, piercing deep into his chest
“The walls are failing…soon the gas will come.”
Wait, when the fuck did this happen? Is it just incredibly coincidental timing?
fumbling
Tumbling
his sides,
His back
“The hell was that?”
Wow, another real genius with words here.
have malfunction,
Verb tense
a piece of lighting
"a piece of lighting"?
What sort of thing is that for a woman like you to do?”
Convoluted
I have confidence.”
Confidence in you
“Yes, yes,”
Yes... yes.
“Better on your feet,”
Better to die on your feet
A stern, full
A stern smile? No.
“That crowd numbered in the thousands.
Wasn't the population of everlasting like six million? Only a few thousand were able to evacuate?
hundreds of thousands
Six million
