Vacationland: True Stories from Painful Beaches

by John Hodgman

A mustache sends a visual message to the mating population of Earth that says, “No thank you. I have procreated. My DNA is out in the world, and so I no longer deserve physical affection. Instead, it is time for me to turn away from sex and toward new pursuits, the classic weird dad hobbies such as puns, learning trivia about bridges and wars, and dreaming about societal collapse and global apocalypse.”

When I was little I found a paperback copy of The Exorcist in the hall closet. I only read the back cover, and became scared for a full year that I would be possessed by the devil. Possession by the devil was a powerful fantasy for an only child sleeping alone in the top bunk of a bunk bed, with only shadow and empty space below him for company.