Hero: Being the Strong Father Your Children Need

by Meg Meeker

Too many males in our culture have been “wussified” by the winds of political ideology that have blown across our country.

Fathers need to see themselves the way their children see them. You are, whether you know it or not, the center of their world, the hub of the wheel that is your family, the hero they depend on. If you’re not there or not engaged, they suffer.

children. But even more we have an epidemic of homes where dads have been marginalized, either through divorce or even more commonly in households where dad is kept on the periphery. He goes to work, he comes home, and he assumes his children want to spend their time alone or with their mother, so he retreats to his den or man cave and watches TV. There’s a misconception that mothers are the center of a child’s world.

Children with stable, involved fathers: • Have much higher levels of self-control, confidence, and sociability1 • Are far less likely to engage in risky behaviors as adolescents2 • Are far less likely to have behavioral or psychological problems3 • Are far less likely to be delinquent (this is especially true in low-income families)4 • Do better on cognitive tests and get better grades5 • Are more likely to become young adults with higher levels of economic and educational achievement, career success, occupational competency, and psychological well-being6 • Studies suggest that fathers who are involved, nurturing, and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better linguistic and cognitive capacities7 Clearly, when you as a father engage with your children, teach them, hug them, play with them, and support them, the message they receive is that they matter. When children feel that they matter to their fathers, their world feels safer, more secure; they feel protected.

The key factor is not how much money dad makes, or whether he drinks or has a temper, but how involved he is with his family.

1) Be tough enough to bear the weight of family burdens.

2) Reduce friction.

3) Act on your highest beliefs.

Heroism can mean saving a man in combat or rescuing someone as a firefighter. But there are also less dramatic ways to be a hero, and one way is to be the best dad you can be.

When children look at their father they want to see the kindest, smartest, strongest, greatest man on earth

You might not feel like a hero but my exhortation to you is live like you are one. Be the man they want you to be; it is, more often than not, the man you want to be—and can be.

A large part of a man’s identity comes from his work. But the most important work, and the most rewarding work, you’ll ever have is being a father.

Here is a secret that every parent must know about strong-willed children: they don’t want to win. Really. They want confirmation of your strength, of your resolve, of your commitment to them, because they know that ultimately your rules are all about protecting them.

Having a strong moral conscience, a firm idea of what is right and wrong, is part of being a man, it is part of what defines a hero, and it is part and parcel of what it takes to be a father who is the moral leader of his family.

Good parents sacrifice their personal time, energy, and comfort for the benefit of their children, expecting nothing in return.

What really matters is not these accomplishments, but building character in our kids, because character is about who they really are—not just as baseball players or as students, but as people. Growing in character is something dads help kids do, and your leadership is essential when it comes to helping kids avoid bad peer pressure.

The first step to becoming a better dad than your own father is to recognize his mistakes and, most importantly, recognize how they affected you as a boy.

For most dads the two most common pitfalls to avoid are anger and alcohol.

in a child’s mind, a father is the wisest man they know.

Figure out what kind of a father you want to be and work toward it.

Play a lot with your kids.

Studies routinely show that kids develop better physically, mentally, and emotionally, and feel more secure when their fathers play with them.

Daughters crave the support and loyalty of their fathers—and often test them to prove it.

When children hit pre-puberty, their attention often turns from their mother to their father, with boys needing to learn what it is to be a man and girls needing to know what they should expect from a man.

The trick for dads is to never assume that your children know that they are loved and valued. Communicating your love for your child is so extremely important.

When a daughter grows up knowing that her dad loves her, she’s going places in life, because she knows she is valuable, significant, worth loving, and worth fighting for;

The academic research has shown us that kids who have good communication with their fathers are much less likely to have trouble with drugs, alcohol, or depression.

children under thirteen don’t think beyond a week and teens don’t think much beyond a year or two. Teens believe that the best times of their lives are in the immediate future and that when they’re adults life will get boring.

Play #1 Play with Your Kids

Moms communicate to kids, “You need me to help you and here I am”; dads communicate, “You face the water and swim; I know you can do it.”

Play will get you closer to your child, no matter what his age.

Play #2 Pray with Your Kids

Having a strong, powerful, smart dad kneel by your bedside, close his eyes, and pray brings a child closer to his father than any activity or conversation ever can.

As a parent, as a prayerful parent, you can give your son or daughter experiences that transcend your own understanding.

Play #3 Be Steady

Children need you to be calm when they are agitated, strong when they are weak, confident when they are fearful.

Play #4 Be Honest

Play #5 Be Firm

1. Dad is in charge—no debates over authority in his house (but be patient, ask questions, and listen when they talk). 2. No fights over food—they eat what you eat, though maybe with a dash of color. 3. No fights over hairstyle or clothes—go shopping with them and buy clothes that guard their modesty. 4. No being bored—do fun things on the weekends. 5. Make sure they have a bedtime/curfew when they get older.

Play #6 Stay Committed

When talking to your children, you might want to think CAAR, which stands for correction, affirmation, attention, and respect—the four essential things that dads need to communicate.

when correcting a child, use the fewest words possible.

If you know you have a bad temper, give yourself time before you respond.

skip the sarcasm with your kids; there’s too much at risk.

Here are some key ways to give your kids the attention they crave.

Make eye contact.

Speak less, listen more.

A minute becomes an hour.

Take the challenge of a month with no complaints, no negative comments, and a daily compliment to your loved ones, and see if you and they don’t feel better for it.

It is about having the internal fortitude to do what is right, true, and noble no matter the personal cost.