The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down: How to be Calm in a Busy World

by Haemin Sunim

Don’t struggle to heal your wounds. Just pour time into your heart and wait. When your wounds are ready, they will heal on their own.

If you would like to sleep more peacefully, as you lay your head on your pillow, think of the people whom you are grateful to, or the times you helped others and felt good about yourself. It will warm your heart, gifting you with more peaceful sleep.

When trust is shattered, when hopes are dashed, when a loved one leaves you, before doing anything, just pause your life and rest a moment.

If you can, surround yourself with close friends and share food and drink while slowly letting out the bottled-up stories of betrayal, disappointment, and hurt.

Find a song that speaks to your heart. Play it over and over, and sing along to it over and over, as though you are doing it for all the wounded souls.

Love yourself despite your imperfections. Do you not feel compassion for yourself as you struggle through life? You are so eager to help your friends, but you treat yourself so poorly.

Stroke your heart once in a while and tell yourself, “I love you.”

Don’t give up in the face of criticism. Learn to brush aside what people who don’t know you have to say.

Having critics means what you’re doing is getting people’s attention. Have courage, and continue down the path you’re on.

Humor opens closed hearts. Humor can free us from the grip of our thoughts.

Do you feel unsettled or depressed? Then look at a child’s sleeping face for one minute. You will soon feel ripples of peace.

Before your children are all grown, travel as frequently as you can as a family. Although we see our family every day, we don’t really get to be with one another. A change in environment can do wonders and can bring families closer. A good family trip can prevent divorce.

Rather than always seeking comfort from others, offer your comfort and listen to others. In the process of helping, you will be healed.

If the people around you always agree with you, they are probably opportunists, not loyalists.

Professionals have their talents and areas of expertise. If a client tries to control and monitor every detail, the professional cannot work at full capacity and feels inhibited. If you want the best result, watch with interest but know when to back off.

After mastering eighteen levels of kung fu, you can hurt someone with the flick of a finger. But if you go on to master all thirty-six levels, you choose to retreat when the weak foolishly come to fight.

Are you moving up? Are you doing well? Then see whether you are succeeding at the expense of others, or along with others.

From this experience I realized that the art of maintaining a good relationship can be compared to sitting by a fireplace. If we sit too close for too long, we become hot and possibly burned. If we sit too far away, we cannot feel the warmth.

Do you often feel lonely at work or in school? Perhaps your heart is closed off to those around you. “I don’t get her.” “I’m better than her.” “We’re on different wavelengths.”

Do you know why that conversation is so boring? Because we are trapped in politeness, unable to speak from the heart. Any conversation can become interesting and lively as soon as we start speaking with real honesty.

People say hurtful things because they themselves have been hurt. When you encounter someone prickly and malicious, think about what kind of miserable situation he must be in. If he is too much, and you don’t have time, just whisper, “Bless you,” and move on.

If you try to lead people only by stressing rules and principles, they will leave you, one by one.

A good leader knows this, and thus tries to cultivate virtue.

To cook something delicious, you need time for the ingredients to marinate. To build a lasting relationship, you need time for trust to develop.

Love needs to be balanced. If you like him more than he likes you, give him time and space to catch up. It is important to hold back your emotions when your feelings are not in balance with his.

I found myself getting so upset with him. At first I thought it was because I did not like him. But then I realized it was because he was not interested in me.” Anger for no reason could be the expression of a crush.

The heart is slower than the mind. The mind knows you must part ways, but your heart does not.

This is because your feelings are settled deeper in your heart.

Proof of having really loved: You do not speak ill of your ex even after your relationship has ended.

No matter how famous or beautiful one is, no matter how much money or power one has, no matter how many wonderful accomplishments one has had, we all have our share of setbacks, heartbreak, and loss. We have to face challenges we have no control over. Loneliness and the fear of death will accompany us to our final days. Everyone is on the same treacherous journey of life’s tainted glory.

You are beautiful not because you are better than others but because there is only you who can smile like that. May you fall in love with your unique self.

At times we are not sure whether what we feel is love. At that moment, ask yourself this: “Am I happy to give more even after having given a lot?” If the answer is yes, and there is no regret afterward, then that is probably love.

Love means loving someone the way she is. Wanting her to be a certain way is not love but your desire. Do not attempt to improve someone in the name of love. It is improvement only in your eyes, not in hers.

Love comes naturally and effortlessly. If you try to love someone, then it is not real until you stop trying.

Love her without “What if,” without calculation, without second-guessing, without comparing her to others.

Love her with the steadfast conviction of your soul. If one of you is unshakable, then the relationship can last.

Please don’t call it love. What you are experiencing is infatuation with no commitment or responsibility. Infatuation is not love because it begins and ends with you. It is more about your feelings, and less about the other person.

Life is like a slice of pizza. It looks delicious in an advertisement, but when we actually have it, it is not as good as we imagined. If you envy someone’s life, remember the pizza in the ad. It always looks better than it is.

When you concentrate, even a phone book can be interesting. If you are bored, maybe you are not concentrating.

When purchasing something you will have for a long time, like a house or a piano, choose the best within your means, not something that will do for now. You might think it is good enough, but after a while you will regret it.

When there is a problem, take it up with the person who is responsible. If you address it in a roundabout way, through other people, out of fear of upsetting the person and your relationship, then the problem becomes more complicated. Go straight to the source and deal with the person directly, even if this makes you uncomfortable.

The compassionate gaze of the wounded soul is more beautiful than the naive smile of the inexperienced youth.

When we hold too firmly to our beliefs, we risk being blind to reality and seeing only what conforms to our beliefs.

The person who says, “That person is so political,” is usually just as political, if not more. Admiration does not come easily. Rather than setting a goal of becoming rich and powerful, aim higher: becoming admired in your field.

One of the greatest blessings in life is meeting someone we truly admire. That person becomes a beacon of hope, shielding us from cynicism.

Life is like jazz. Much of it is improvised; we cannot control all the variables. We must live it with panache and flair, regardless of what it throws at us.

If you learn to play one sport well, it becomes easier to learn to play another. If you become fluent in one foreign language, you can more easily learn another. If you figure out how to run a small business, it’ll be easier to run a second or third one.

Dream big but start small. A small adjustment can have a big effect on your life.

How you speak is often more important than what you say. And actions speak louder than words.

A bad driver brakes often. A bad conversationalist also brakes often— interrupting the flow with his own stories.