The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down: How to be Calm in a Busy World

by Haemin Sunim

A clever negotiator leads the other party to think they’ve won while getting everything he wants. If the other party feels flattered and superior and lets the clever negotiator have his way, then it is really the negotiator who has won.

A cruel irony: The reward for someone who works hard is more work.

If we’re quick to grant a favor, then people quickly forget their gratitude. If we grant a favor with several conditions, then people express immense gratitude.

Are you a controlling parent? Are you devoting too much attention to your child? If the answer is yes, then turn some of that attention toward your parents. If you are good to your own parents, then your child will learn how to treat you in the future.

There is no such thing as being completely prepared. Life is an adventure, through which we learn and mature. Of course, we must consider all our options carefully. But if we wait for 100 percent certainty, then it is often too late.

While immersed in a job’s reality, you will discover whether it’s a good fit. Work experiences may unlock the door to a career opportunity you hadn’t considered.

Measure your self-worth not with the balance of your bank account but with the frequency of your generosity.

“When hiring, I like people who are confident but who can admit when they are wrong. For that kind of person, I don’t have to look at any other credentials, because they are sure of themselves but won’t let their ego get in the way.”

When you look for a job, try to find out how long a company’s employees stay at the company. This is more important than the size of the company or the salary offered. If people keep leaving, then that says a lot.

If you happen to visit a workplace that appears much better than yours, instead of feeling envious, examine the place more carefully. You may find a downside that changes your first impression. The moment you realize that, you will feel grateful for your current job.

Being a good boss requires much more than just having a lot of technical knowledge. It is important to have integrity and a positive relationship with the staff, to give timely feedback and professional mentoring, and to advocate for what the team needs.

A boss should not be overly concerned with how she is perceived. This is secondary. Rather, she should focus on how her work affects the staff and clients.

A wise leader doesn’t assemble a team of only those who agree with him. He needs someone who disagrees with him, to allow him to see his blind spots.

An inept leader attempts to micromanage everything. His staff will wind up doing only what they are told. A skillful leader knows how to delegate to subordinates and to wait for them to take responsibility and see the job to a successful conclusion.

Dedication to one’s job should not be measured by how late one works or how often one forgoes a vacation but by how effectively one works and what kind of contribution one makes to the business.

is not always a good thing to get what you want. If everything happens the way you want, it is easy to become lazy and arrogant. You may also lose the ability to empathize with people having difficulties. Perhaps any hardship you may experience is an important life lesson.

When your teacher reprimands you, learn to accept it gracefully. She is doing it because she cares. She believes you can do better.

Your freedom is more important than money. It is better to live the kind of life you want than to earn more and be constrained. Don’t sell your freedom.

The vaguest and least effective statement: “I will have whatever.”

Some people would like to have all their decisions made for them— hence the opportunity for charismatic cult leaders to take advantage of them.

There is only one way to bungee jump: Just leap! The more you think, the harder it becomes. Overthinking produces only anxiety and doubt. Stop shouting, “What if?” and just take a leap of faith.

Without being compromised by the need to get in someone’s good graces, you can stand tall, no matter whom you deal with. If you have led an honorable and honest life, there is no need to be afraid of speaking the truth.

According to Professor Kang-Nam Oh, the faithful can be divided roughly into two groups: people of “surface faith” and people of “in-depth faith.” The surface faithful are bound by spiritual symbols; they often dispute the spiritual symbols of other faiths. The in-depth faithful understand meanings deeper than the symbols. They can find similar meanings in the symbolism of diverse spiritual traditions, and harmony among such traditions.

You can admire a spiritual leader but never idolize him. Blind faith in the leader can easily reduce you to acting like a child, handing over your power and asking the leader to do things for you. Medicine can be prescribed, but it must be you who takes it.

A spiritual leader is a finger pointing at the moon. If the finger attempts to become the moon, this can lead to a grave sin.

We must cultivate all three intelligences for our overall health: critical intelligence, emotional intelligence, and spiritual intelligence. If one falls to the wayside, it slows the growth of the other two. If you have developed critical intelligence but neglected emotional intelligence, then you may not be sensitive to the suffering of others. If you have developed emotional intelligence but neglected spiritual intelligence, then you may lose hope after seeing the world’s suffering. If you have developed spiritual intelligence but neglected critical intelligence, then you may fall victim to the abuse of a cult.

Faith is overvalued while practice is undervalued. If we emphasize faith over practice, spirituality remains ideology, creating theological conflicts. But if we focus on carrying out the teachings in our actual lives, we realize that the love taught by Jesus is no different from the compassion taught by the Buddha. If you wish for peace among different spiritual paths, then practice what you preach.

Clergy and teachers tend to be verbose, and older clergy and teachers even more so. I hope I don’t become that person who talks endlessly without noticing how the person in front of me feels.

There is a simple way to test the veracity of the Buddha’s teachings. Find the most comfortable posture. Remain in that posture for thirty minutes. The most comfortable posture soon becomes the most uncomfortable. Everything is impermanent, including the world’s most comfortable posture.

Wisdom is not something we have to strive to acquire. Rather, it arises naturally as we slow down and notice what is already there.