The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down: How to be Calm in a Busy World

by Haemin Sunim

What our mind focuses on becomes our world.

Given that the world we see through our mind’s eye is limited, if we can train our mind and choose wisely where to focus, then we will be able to experience the world corresponding to the state of our mind.

I sometimes wonder whether a Zen monk should keep to such a full schedule. But then I realize it isn’t the outside world that is a whirlwind; it is only my mind.

When your mind is joyful and compassionate, the world is, too. When your mind is filled with negative thoughts, the world appears negative, too. When you feel overwhelmed and busy, remember that you are not powerless. When your mind rests, the world also rests.

Don’t struggle to heal your wounds. Just pour time into your heart and wait. When your wounds are ready, they will heal on their own.

If you’ve been unable to change a bad situation, even after many attempts, you should change how you look at the situation.

Too many choices make people unhappy.

Are you feeling confused or conflicted? Allow yourself a good night’s sleep. When you wake up the next day, the problem will seem lighter. It works, truly.

I wish you could see my true nature. Beyond my body and labels, there is a river of tenderness and vulnerability.

Life teaches us through our mistakes.

When you make a mistake, simply ask yourself what you were meant to learn from it. When we accept such lessons with humility and gratitude, we grow that much more.

Those who work in a playful, relaxed manner tend to work efficiently and creatively. Those who work nonstop, driven only by stress, work without joy. To keep doing your work for a long time, do not treat it as just work. View it as a source of enjoyment and growth. The road to happiness lies not just in finding a good job, but also in learning to enjoy what you are asked to do.

What makes music beautiful is the distance between one note and another. What makes speech eloquent is the appropriate pause between words. From time to time we should take a breath and notice the silence between sounds.

The world will keep turning even without you. Let go of the idea that your way is the only way, that you are the only one who can make it happen.

Do not fight your negative emotions. Observe and befriend them.

A moral purist who is quick to judge others often fails to see the flaws within himself.

When you attack someone, it is often because you are afraid.

Humility is a sign of inner strength and wisdom. When you swallow your pride, real communication becomes possible. We can finally hear each other and eventually solve our problems.

Do not try to control those around you. When you cannot control even your own mind, what makes you think you can control others?

Do not lament that the world has changed. Do not resent that people have changed. Evaluating the present through the memories of the past can cause sadness. Whether you like it or not, change is inevitable. Embrace and welcome it.

Of all the words that pour out of our mouths every day, how many are really ours, and how many are borrowed from others?

Just because our eyes are open does not mean we are awake.

Life is like theater. You are assigned a role. If you don’t like the role, keep in mind that you have the power to re-create the role you want.

It is important that you work hard, but don’t be enamored of the feeling of working hard. If you are drunk on that feeling, then you care less about the actual work than about how you appear to others to be working hard.

The most dangerous people are those who have passion but lack wisdom.

When hiring, look beyond skills and experience to see if the candidate knows how to enjoy her job. People who enjoy their work are usually more successful than those who don’t.

When you are making a decision, try to assess how many people it will benefit. If it satisfies only your ego and unnecessarily hurts many, then it is the wrong decision.

It is a mistake to take family and close colleagues for granted. When those closest to you feel ignored and betrayed, everything you have built can collapse in an instant.

Instead of maintaining the sanctity of our values, shouldn’t we care more about the person sitting in front of us? Isn’t it better to be happy together than to be right alone?

Being right isn’t nearly as important as being happy together.

If I want to convince someone, I first listen attentively and try to understand them. Even if I am right, they won’t be convinced until they feel heard and respected.

If you get angry while debating right and wrong, your enraged voice has just conceded defeat.

Criticism without a solution is merely an inflation of the critic’s ego.

When you ask a question and there is no response, then that is the answer.

“Don’t try to make it perfect. Instead, make it interesting!”

Choose happiness, not success, as your life’s goal. If you become successful but aren’t happy, then what is the point?

After mastering eighteen levels of kung fu, you can hurt someone with the flick of a finger. But if you go on to master all thirty-six levels, you choose to retreat when the weak foolishly come to fight.

When you criticize someone, see if you are doing so out of envy. Your criticism reveals more about yourself than you realize.

You want people to hear you rather than have to defend themselves from you.

Leaving the room before the bridge is burned is a sign of maturity.

The best revenge is love.

When conversation turns to someone’s flaws, try not to participate and gently redirect the conversation. When we speak too much, it is easy to speak ill of someone. So when you feel talkative, just be mindful.

Forgive them. So you can be free. So you can be happy. So you can go on living your life.

Keep in your heart only those who love you. If you carry around with you people you hate, it causes only angst and depression.

Don’t just wait for what you want to happen. Act first.

When you lower yourself, the world elevates you. When you elevate yourself, the world lowers you.

The flaw that you immediately notice in someone you meet is probably a flaw of yours, too. If you didn’t have it, you wouldn’t have noticed it so quickly.

What is the use of someone carrying a designer handbag when her behavior lacks the same refinement?

When you think your spouse won’t change and you worry how you will live the rest of your life together, ask yourself: Am I perfect in my spouse’s eyes?

Instead, begin by asking, “What is it that makes him unhappy and feel misunderstood?” or “What past experience is making him respond in this way?” When you begin with the intention of understanding him, your heart is released from the prison of your views and opens up to feel his pain.