The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully

by Frank Ostaseski

For many people, authentic life starts at the time of death—not our own death, but someone else’s.

Thoughts manifest as actions, which in turn develop into habits, and our habits ultimately harden into character.

“You have to open yourself up and let the pain move through you,” Elisabeth said. “It’s not yours to hold.”

1. Don’t wait. 2. Welcome everything, push away nothing. 3. Bring your whole self to the experience. 4. Find a place of rest in the middle of things. 5. Cultivate don’t know mind.

“The problem with the word patience,” said Zen master Suzuki Roshi, “is that it implies we are waiting for something to get better, we are waiting for something good that will come. A more accurate word for this quality is constancy, a capacity to be with what is true moment after moment.”

Earth dissolves into water. Water dissolves into fire. Fire dissolves into air. Air dissolves into space. Space dissolves into consciousness.

When we release our clinging to what used to be and our craving for what we think should be, we are free to embrace the truth of what is in this moment.

Don’t wait is an encouragement to step fully into life. Don’t miss this moment waiting for the next one to arrive. Don’t wait to act on what is most important. Don’t get stuck in the hope for a better past or future; be present.

Before every session, I take a moment to remember my humanity. There is no experience that this man has that I cannot share with him, no fear that I cannot understand, no suffering that I cannot care about, because I too am human. No matter how deep his wound, he does not need to be ashamed in front of me. I too am vulnerable. And because of this, I am enough. Whatever his story, he no longer needs to be alone with it. This is what will allow his healing to begin.

Loving and letting go are inseparable. You can’t love and cling at the same time. Too often we mistake attachment for love.