The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully

by Frank Ostaseski

Many of those who have died and been revived by the skills of science tell us that the experience has revealed to them the purpose of life. This is not to become wealthy or famous or powerful. The purpose of every life is to grow in wisdom and learn to love better.

Death is not waiting for us at the end of a long road. Death is always with us, in the marrow of every passing moment. She is the secret teacher hiding in plain sight. She helps us to discover what matters most. And the good news is we don’t have to wait until the end of our lives to realize the wisdom that death has to offer.

Without a reminder of death, we tend to take life for granted, often becoming lost in endless pursuits of self-gratification. When we keep death at our fingertips, it reminds us not to hold on to life too tightly. Maybe we take ourselves and our ideas a little less seriously. We let go a little more easily. When we recognize that death comes to everyone, we appreciate that we are all in the same boat, together. This helps us to become a bit kinder and gentler with one another.

1. Don’t wait. 2. Welcome everything, push away nothing. 3. Bring your whole self to the experience. 4. Find a place of rest in the middle of things. 5. Cultivate don’t know mind.

Listening without judgment is probably the simplest, most profound way to connect. It is an act of love.

they are almost simultaneous actions. Love is what allows us to let go.” Loving and letting go are inseparable. You can’t love and cling at the same time. Too often we mistake attachment for love.

I noticed in one store, all of the clothes carried a cardboard tag with the price and the disclaimer As Is. I like these tags. I think we should hang them on ourselves and each other like Christmas tree ornaments. What a beautiful gift to accept ourselves, others, and our circumstances As Is, with all the beauty, imperfections, and challenges that make up this very human life of ours.

The secret of healing lies in exploring our wounds in order to discover what is really there.

“Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”

As people come closer to death, I have found that only two questions really matter to them: “Am I loved?” and “Did I love well?”

If you haven’t been specifically asked for suggestions, chances are they’re neither wanted nor appreciated. I always find it best to inquire before offering guidance. Respect a “No, thanks,” and move on.

“Helping, fixing, and serving represent three different ways of seeing life. When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. Fixing and helping may be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul.”

Try it sometime. Sit with another person without a solution to their problem, without playing a role. No analyzing, no fixing, no meddling, no mending. Listen generously, as if the other person has all of the resources that they need inside of them. Just respect and receive what is being offered. It’s not even important that you understand. Imagine your listening presence is enough, exactly what is needed. Often a receptive silence heals more than all the well-meaning words.

Try it when you meet someone new. Silently repeat a few phrases to emphasize your common ground with the other person and feel the connection of simple human kindness: This person has a body, heart, and mind, just like me. This person worries and gets frightened, just like me. This person is trying their best to navigate life, just like me. This person is a fellow human being, just like me.

Our memories are constantly being rewritten. Memory fails. This is part of the process of being alive. Best, then, to focus on remembering what matters most. Not the details of dates or conversations, but that we are loved and that we are capable of loving others. When there is full acceptance of our not knowing, instead of fear, when we stop insisting that reality should be otherwise, then we can relax with things as they are.