Arrows Through Archer

by Nash Summers

There was no light at the end of the tunnel because there was no fucking tunnel. There was a pit and in that pit was nothing but darkness. In the center, stood I.

“Cold and beautiful, Archer. Some of the best things are.”

The honesty of our admissions might have shocked us. The air was full of some unknown atom—a particle that existed only here and now and only between us.

“You carry around hurt like a cop carries a badge.”

An arrow through the heart might’ve been easier to take than Mallory’s expression when he looked at me. “Hey, Archer.”

“Ah, Archer. We always hurt the ones we love.” “Why’s that, do you think?” “So that we know they love us too.”

“You’re like a brother to me, Archer. You’re not perfect, but no one is. And if I met a billion people on this planet, I’d still choose you. You and your silent fucking depression—you and your quiet heart and your fear of living.

The entire room seemed impossibly quiet. Or maybe it was just my world.

Sometimes words weren’t enough. Sometimes words weren’t anything at all. So instead of using useless tools in a moment surrounded by darkness pushing at its edges, slowly, I reached out and laced my fingers with his. Without saying a word, he squeezed my hand and didn’t let go.

Sometimes, words meant nothing. Other times, they meant far, far too much.

As resolute and stern as the mountains, Mallory.

Maybe if this universe of ours was different. Maybe if everything was different and the sky was the ocean and the clouds were the soil. Maybe if life hadn’t engrained me with apprehension or uncertainty or a longing for some things I obviously could not have. Maybe then, we would’ve had words for each other.

“Whatever makes you happy, Archer.”

I beamed at him. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d smiled so wide. I couldn’t remember the last time in my life I’d smiled so much.

Outside, all the light, even the stars, had left us, leaving nothing but a black backdrop to the hot glow of the room around us.

People fall into each other in different ways. Some people fall together in laughter, surrounded by energy and joy. Some fall into each other in passion, unable to keep their skin from touching. But Mallory and I fell into each other slowly, gently, tentatively, like almost everything we did. We were quiet and fluid.

“Dance with me,” he whispered into my ear.

So, when Mallory came back to me and wrapped both his arms around my waist, pulling me to him, the universe was swept away.

Our eyes locked and he inched toward me slowly but surely. His nose brushed against mine. His hair tickled my forehead. And then when I closed my eyes, he pressed his lips against mine.

This wasn’t something either of us could take back. This was strange and unfamiliar and made the world feel right again.

“What are we doing, Archer?” Mallory asked. Falling in love, I thought. But instead I said, “Kissing.”

So he did. Again, for long minutes that weren’t nearly long enough, Mallory kissed me.

My entire world, in that moment, consisted of him and only him.

“Do you know how beautiful you are? And not just this.”

“You’ve got this old soul, and it’s serene and hushed and reminds me of the smell when it’s storming outside.”

And because Mallory was the shoreline and I was the waves in the sea, gravity took hold and I was dragged into his arms.

“You don’t think what we feel towards each other is worth taking a chance on?” I asked. He paused briefly. I watched a hundred expressions flicker across his face. And then, “No.”

“No?” “No.” That was all it took to break my heart. A two-letter word. Not a death in the family, not a sibling disowning me. A two-letter word from the man I loved.

“I hope you find happiness, Archer.” “I did, with you.”

“We can’t keep loving ghosts, Mallory.” And for the last time, his eyes met mine. “It’s not that easy, Archer.” “Well, I guess we’re both about to find out if it’s any easier loving one more.”

“I will always want you, Archer.”

Probably not. And why should he? It was just a chair.

“Life’s been tough on you.” He shrugged. “It’s had its good moments.”

“Don’t know what it is, but this guy can’t seem to stop carving little arrows into everything.”

SOBBING

“I’ve realized recently that I’m ready, fully ready to move on. I won’t be forgetting her by loving someone else. I’m ready to find happiness again.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t stop me from leaving three years ago.” “Me too, Archer,” I said, looking out into the legion of onyx sky. “Me too.”

MY IDIOT BABIES

“Sweetheart, you can do whatever you want. I don’t have it in me to say no to you.”

I’d first been attracted to his smile—his laugh—that hard-found easiness he rarely let shine.

Archer Hart was anything but expected.

“You didn’t know you’d see me again. What if you’d never seen me again?” “Then it would’ve sat on that bookshelf and waited for you.”

crying in the club rn

“How can you not know I love you, Archer? I’ve dreamt of you every night that you weren’t by my side. I can’t imagine someone knowing you like I have and not loving you.”

We’d walked into the gun range and Archer visibly lightened. He didn’t actually run around like a kid in a candy store, but part of me thought he might’ve wanted to.

“I love you, Archer.” I kissed the top of his head. He held me a fraction tighter. “I love you too.”

“Hi. My name’s Archer.”

MY BOY DID IT

Six months since I’d become the happiest person on the face of the planet.

“I feel so light. Like maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.” “There is.” I kissed the top of his head. “And if there isn’t, I’ll dig a way out for us. Because I’ll be wherever you are. Now and forever.”

“I’ve met someone. And I want to continue getting better. Not for… him. Not only for him. For myself. I want to get better for me. I want to be happy for me. I deserve to be happy. He showed me that.

“I’ve been seeing a therapist. She’s great. And I think—no, I know that my parents would’ve been proud of the person I’ve become. Because I’m trying damn hard to be a good person and they were good people too. I have a nephew who I’m going to try to give the world to and a partner who looks at me like I’m the whole world to him.

“So that’s exactly what I’m going to continue to do. I’m going to get better and I’m going to be happy. It’s what my parents would’ve wa...

“I love you, Archer.” He grinned. “I love you, Mallory. And I love me too.”

SOBBING