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But how did Stoicism come about? Three unconnected events – a shipwreck in Piraeus, a play in Thebes, and the banishment of a rebel in Turkey
“How can we be good and live free and happy, no matter what else is happening around us?”
To achieve freedom and happiness, you need to grasp this basic truth: some things in life are under your control, and others are not.
What you believe, what you desire or hate, and what you are attracted to or avoid. You have complete control over these, so they are free, not subject to restraint or hindrance. They concern you because they are under your control.
Your body, property, reputation, status, and the like. Because they are not under your total control they are weak, slavish, subject to restraint, and in the power of others. They do not concern you because they are outside your control.
If you think you can control things over which you have no control, then you will be hindered and disturbed. You will start complaining and become a fault-finding person. But if you deal with only those things under your control, no one can force you to do anything you don’t want to do; no one can stop you. You will have no enemy and no harm will come to you.
If you attempt to get both what is under your control and what is not, you may end up getting neither.
If it is not within your control, it is nothing to you; there’s nothing to worry about.
If you desire and avoid only those things that are under your control, then you will not feel victimized by things you dislike. But if you resent unavoidable things like illness, misfortune, or death, that are not under your control, you are headed for disappointment.
Select carefully what you want to choose and what you want to refuse. Be disciplined and detached while making the choice.
When something is delightful or useful to you, remind yourself of its true nature.
When you kiss your spouse or child, remind yourself that it is a mortal that you are kissing. Then you won’t be too distraught should they be taken from you.
Events don’t disturb people; the way they think about events does. Even death is not frightening by itself. But our view of death, that it is something we should be afraid of, frightens us.
When you blame others for your negative feelings, you are being ignorant. When you blame yourself for your negative feelings, you are making progress. You are being wise when you stop blaming yourself or others.
Don’t wish for things to happen the way you would like them to. Rather, welcome whatever happens. This is the path to peace, freedom, and happiness.
When you are insulted, you have the resource of patience.
To make progress, you should be able to accept being seen as ignorant or naïve. Don’t strive to be thought of as wise. Even if you succeed in impressing others as a wise person, don’t believe it yourself.
You are being foolish if you expect your children, spouse, or friends to live forever. You don’t have the power to make this happen.
It is equally naïve to expect everyone will be honest. It is not under your control, but in the control of others who may act honestly or dishonestly.
Like an accomplished actor you need to perform the role assigned to you in life skillfully. The responsibility for deciding what role you play rests with someone else.
If you come across anything you find to be an impediment to your progress – even if it be something you see as an inauspicious sign, something that will bring you bad luck, do not be upset by it. Examine the impression. It is of no significance to you. Nothing outside of you really pertains to you.
For you, every sign is auspicious, if you want it to be that way. Whatever happens, you can derive benefit from it.
When you confine yourself to only those things that are under your control, you cannot be defeated. Don’t be fooled by outward appearances. People with more prestige, power, or some other distinction are not necessarily happier because of what they have.
There is no reason to be envious or jealous of anyone. If you lead a rational life, the good lies within you. Our concern should be our freedom, not titles and prestigious positions. The way to freedom is not to be too concerned about things we don’t control.
When someone provokes you, if you respond with anger or some other negative emotion, your mind is tricked into believing you are being harmed. So it is essential not to respond to impressions impulsively. Take some time before reacting. You will see you are in better control.
You will see that, compared to death, none of the things you face in life is important enough to worry about.
If you decide to live by lofty principles, be prepared to be laughed at by others. You may hear snide remarks: “Oh, here comes the philosopher!” or “Why are you so pretentious?” Just ignore those comments. But make sure that you don’t become pretentious. If you stick to your principles, people who make fun of you will eventually come around and may even admire you.
You compromise your integrity when you seek outside approval. Be satisfied that you live up to your rational principles. Be your own witness if you need one. You don’t need any more witness than that.
You cannot be much use to the community if you are shameless and corrupt.
Remember how wisely you understand when others face unfortunate situations. Apply the same wisdom when something unfortunate happens to you. Learn to accept whatever happens.
If your body was turned over to someone else, you would be ashamed and outraged. Should you not be equally ashamed when you turn over your mind to others so they can control it? Why do you let your mind be controlled by anyone who happens to criticize you? Why do you get confused and upset?
No one can hurt you unless you let them. You are hurt the moment you believe you are. In all social dealings – as a father, mother, brother, friend, citizen, etc. – remember what your role is. It does not matter what the other person does.
But first you should stop applying labels like “good” and “bad” to what is not under your control. The labels good and bad apply only to things under your control. If you consider anything beyond your control as good or bad, you will fail to get what you want and get what you don’t want. You will blame the divine order and think of it as the cause of your troubles
Everything in nature moves away from whatever is harmful and moves towards whatever is helpful. If you believe that someone has harmed you, you cannot love the offender or the offence.
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Your problems can only be solved by reason.
Don’t indulge in unnecessary chatter. Avoid gossiping about others. Speak with precision and speak about what really matters.
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If you want to influence your friends, do it by your example.
Do not laugh too loud or ...
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If possible, avoid tak...
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Avoid fraternizing with people who don’t share your values. Prolonged association with those with false ideas...
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Be moderate in meeting the needs of your body, be it food, drink, clothing, shelter, or household needs....
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Don’t defend yourself if someone speaks ill of you.
When you go to meet someone, especially someone important, think of yourself as a dignified person and behave accordingly. You will get on with the other person, no matter what happens.
