Wait for It

by Mariana Zapata

“No, but I can’t do casual. I don’t think you get that.” His mouth went to my ear. “What gave you the idea that’s what this would be? The last thing I feel for you is casual, Diana.”

“Look, I just… I’ve really been trying hard to be an adult, and an adult would want someone like you to be happy. I care about you so much, and I’m a mess, you know that.” “I know, baby.” He pulled me in closer to him with the hand on my spine. “It’s one of my favorite things about you.” Heaven help me. Heaven help me.

“I got a soft spot for single parents. It’s tough. But I got this thing—you might know what it is, it’s red and it’s in the center of your chest—and that has more than a soft spot for hot aunts who raise their nephews. You can’t even call it a spot, really.” I choked and felt his chin rest on the top of my head. “How big is this… spot?” “It’s big enough so where I’d do anything for an aunt like that,” he told me. “Anything?” “Anything,” he confirmed.

“You can’t go around giving something that big and important to just anybody.” I glanced at him, watching his face. “You’re going to give it?” Dallas only cuddled me closer to his chest so that I couldn’t look at his face. “I gave it to you a long time ago, Diana. In little pieces and then bigger pieces, and the next thing I knew, I didn’t have anything left in me, so I hope it’s enough.” I drew back and glanced up at him, and I swallowed. “I hope you know what you’re doing.” “I do, baby. Trust me. I know exactly what I’m doing. You three feel like my family. It isn’t every day you look at your friend and two kids and know this is where you were supposed to be. Do you believe me?”

“You’re never getting your big red thing back if I have anything to say about it. I want you to think about that. I want you to know what the hell you’re signing yourself up for, because nice Catholic girls who only go to church twice a year don’t believe in divorce.” I blinked. “You know, when the time comes.”

Shifting how I was sitting, I watched his profile in the darkness of the car, taking in that almost long nose, his full bottom lip, square jawline, and the notch of his Adam’s apple. I loved him and it wasn’t even a little bit. It was a lotta bit.

His chest started doing that puffing thing again, and I was 99 percent sure he was crying. It killed me. And what he finally said next, slid the knife in even deeper. “Don’t make me go with her. Please. You promised me—you promised me you would always take care of me.”

His question came out like a croak, muffled and raw. “You promise I’m yours?” “Josh, you really believe you’re not?” I asked him as I got to my feet and sat on the edge of the bed with him, scooting back until I was lying alongside him, my head resting next to his chest. “I’ve wiped your butt. You’ve thrown up on me. I’ve spent my weekends at your games screaming my voice sore. I’ve hugged you and loved you even when you haven’t been very nice. You’re my d-o-double-g. You’re the peanut butter to my jelly. The pain to my ass—”

But you know what? I know at the end of the day, I’m still going to be your number one girl.” “Why?” he asked. “Because she will never know what it’s like to have put a thermometer in your butt.”

“Josh, I love you and Louie, and nothing and no one will ever replace you two losers. I swear on my life. I will lie, cheat, and steal for you, and I always, always will.”

“Promise, we’ll always be family?” “Kid, you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.” “Even if you have kids one day?”

“I know about Mr. Dallas already,” he announced. I sat up and set an elbow under me, watching his puffy, red face as he stared up at the ceiling. “What do you know?” “He loves you. You love him,” he muttered with an eye roll, glancing down at me briefly before focusing up again. “You know, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Aunt Di with a baby carriage.” Uhh, where the hell had that come from? “How… did you know?” “I have eyes?” This fucking smart-ass. “And he told me.” “What did he tell you?” He glanced at me from his spot still lying flat on the mattress. “Remember when Jonathan’s mom yelled at you during the tournament and you cried?” How could I forget? “He told me.” What the hell? “What did he say?” Josh rolled his eyes, sliding his elbows underneath his shoulders to sit up, bored with this conversation. “I don’t know. He said he liked you—yuck.” I blinked at him. “One day during practice when we saw that dad talking to you, I told him I didn’t like you talking to him, and he said he didn’t either. So I asked him what we should do, and he said nothing because you were never gonna do anything with him and that one day soon, between me and him, none of those jackasses—he said it, not me, don’t get mad—would never bother you again.” Was my heart about to burst or was I imagining it? “And what did you tell him?” “I told him okay as long as he didn’t make me go live with Grandma and Grandpa—” “I would never make you go live somewhere else!” “That’s what he s...

“You’re the man of the house. You can’t just give me up like that.” He shrugged and said, “You know how many Xbox games he has?” My mouth fell open and I shook my head at him. “You traded me for Xbox games. I cannot believe it.” “Believe it.”

“You two are… savage. You’re honest, and you’re loyal and love the shit out of things. Both of you give everything to what you care about. I love it.”

“I always thought you looked like mine, but you sure do fucking feel like you’re mine, too,”

“You couldn’t feel more like mine if you tried,”

I wanted someone to love me like that. I wanted you to love me like that.”

And then that day I was taking lice out of your hair, you looked up at me while we were laughing and I knew I was done,” he said.

“Diana, I love you, and every bone in my body tells me that I’m gonna love you every day of my life, even when we want to kill each other.”

“When you’re old, I’ll hold your hand when we cross the street. I’ll help you put on your socks,” he promised. I started laughing, even as tears came into my eyes. “What if I have to help you put on socks?” “Then you’ll help me put on socks. And if I’m in a wheelchair and you’re not, I’ll give you a ride.”

“While I still have breath in my body, I won’t go anywhere, Peach.” He kissed my temple. “You never know what will happen an hour from now, a minute from now, but I won’t make you regret any of it too bad, even when I get on your nerves and we bicker because we’ve been together forever and know everything about each other. That time could be a month, or could be until we’re both in diapers, but I’ll be there.” “Diapers?” “Diapers,” he confirmed, leaning down to kiss my face three times. “I promise.”

“Hello, light of my life.”

“Did you guys beat someone up?” Trip, I could see getting into a fight for whatever reason. Dallas? It had to be a damn good reason. Maybe Trip had gotten into a fight and Dallas had stepped in— His nonbruised hand came up to my cheek again and he flat-out grinned. “Yes. He deserved it.” Before I could react, he leaned forward and kissed my mouth softly. Had he… Jeremy…? With his lips hovering just above mine, I asked slowly, “Where did you go?” “Fort Worth.”