Wait for It

by Mariana Zapata

They were my boys. Maybe they hadn’t come straight from my body, but they were as mine as they could get.

“Do you love me?” I asked him like I did every night just to hear him say it. “Yes.” “How much?” “A lot!” his little boy voice giggled in amusement, reminding me why I still asked.

How did it never hurt any less to know I would never see someone I loved again? Why did it have to be my brother? He hadn’t been perfect, but he’d been mine. He’d loved me even when I got on his nerves.

And in that way that Josh and I had—my oldest nephew, my first real love—we hugged each other, side to side, by the car. While Louie might be the sun, Josh was the moon and the stars. He was my gravity, my tide, my ride or die.

Real love was gritty. The real kind of love never quit. Someone who loved you would do what’s best for you; they’d stand up for you and sacrifice. Someone who loved you would face any inconvenience willingly. You didn’t know what love was until someone was willing to give up what they loved the most for you.

Didn’t he know he wasn’t supposed to be this damn… perfect? I wanted to cry at how unfair the world was. But I already knew that and I didn’t have any business being surprised by it.

“I always figured I’d grow old with someone, so I need to make the next one count since it’s for keeps.” My heart started acting weird next.

“She wouldn’t be my first, but she’d be the only one who ever mattered. I think she could wait for the time to be right. I’d make sure she never regretted it.”

“Do you have a thing?” “I have a thing. I have a big thing—” Dallas immediately closed his mouth. His ears went red. He blinked at me, and I blinked back at him. And we both started laughing at the same time.

His eyes met mine; we were both smiling at each other. And in that moment, it was the most connected I’d ever felt to anyone. Anyone ever. God help me. It hit me. It hit me right then. I was crazy in love with this motherfucker. I really, really was.

“Maybe you can take care of yourself, but have you thought for one single fucking second that maybe somebody else might want to take care of you too?” he growled.

His lips drifted away from mine, skirting my jaw, sucking an earlobe briefly before he trailed his damp, warm mouth down my neck like he was hungry, like the world was going to end if he didn’t kiss me everywhere with everything in him.

He was holding my hand as he said, “You told me you were a little in love with me, do you remember?” How could I forget? “But I wouldn’t use ‘little’ to describe what I feel for you, Diana. I think you know that already.”

“Of all the houses you could’ve bought, you got the one across the street from me. Of all the sports Josh might have played, it was baseball and I happened to coach his age group. You were meant to be in my life.”

The corners of his mouth curled slightly, and I’d swear on my life he looked just a little nervous. Just a little. “I want you. I want your smile. Your hugs. Your love. I want your happiness.” He paused. “Every single thing.”

“Are you sure you know what you’re getting yourself into?” His mouth stayed in the same smirking smile and he nodded. “One hundred percent.” “You know I’m crazy.” “You’re my best friend. I know you’re crazy.”

Life is so fucking short, Peach, and I’m too old to not know and go for what I want. And you know what I want. What I’ve wanted. For a long, long time.” He paused. “You.”

“You are the toughest person I’ve ever met, Diana, but you’re also the most vulnerable, and that drives me fucking crazy,” he said to me. He squeezed my thigh, his voice low and almost feverish. “I know you can take care of yourself, but I want to be there to help you out. I need you more than you need me, and that’s okay,” he told me.

“I gave it to you a long time ago, Diana. In little pieces and then bigger pieces, and the next thing I knew, I didn’t have anything left in me, so I hope it’s enough.”

“I always thought you looked like mine, but you sure do fucking feel like you’re mine, too,”

Every time his hands touched me, it was like a sentence was being spoken.

“Diana, I love you, and every bone in my body tells me that I’m gonna love you every day of my life, even when we want to kill each other.”