The Upside of Falling Down

by Rebekah Crane

No matter what people want to believe, life is locked in the past. It’s all we are—a timeline of events that make up a person.

No, sometimes life beats you down. Sometimes life deserts you, and your only choice is to find another path.

That’s what a dare does. It taunts you to take a different direction, to do something you never thought you could do, to jump, knowing that a million consequences could be on the other side of that dare, but that if you don’t do it, you’ll always wonder. And sometimes wondering is worse than consequences.

“You always need a spare tire in Cleveland. For the pot holes of life.”

Moving is good. Thinking is the enemy.

“Life doesn’t make sense. We stuff ourselves into suits, and then we stuff ourselves into coffins. It’s the ‘pig and cow parts’ of life.”

That’s how memories work. Even the bad ones. Without them, how do we know what feels good?

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Jane Austen,” Clive says, “it’s that if we told the truth all the time, there would be no stories worth telling.”

When a person gets used to failure, it becomes much less scary. A person will walk into fire, knowing full well she’ll get burned, but it doesn’t hurt as much. When you’re prepared for pain, pain loses power.

“I’m aware. But charity assumes that I think you’re needy, and I don’t think you’re needy. Someone shitty mugged you. It’s their fault you have nothing. I’m just trying to help.”

It’s a bad idea to linger on feelings that shouldn’t be there anyway. My life has enough disappointment in it. I’m trying to reduce pain, not add to it.

Some people earn love. Some people blackmail others into it.”

“That’s the thing with fear—conquer it, and you find freedom.”

There is no “getting better” after you realize that everything and everyone can fail you.

“I live in the fear. I stop fighting it, and let it wash over me.”

“You’re right. I don’t like that. It sounds horrible.” “It is at first. But then it’s not so bad. Fear wants you to stay scared, Bunny. But you don’t have to give in. You don’t have to let it control you.”

“It’s the upside of falling down,” Kieran says. “It’s why you jump in the first place . . . for that moment.”

That’s the truth about lies—when they linger, they slowly trick you into believing they’re the truth. When it all falls apart, the pain is even worse, because it’s now a part of you. And my lies are beginning to feel like the truth.

When you have nothing, you’ll be anything. What do I have to lose?

“You can’t be overwhelmed by the what-ifs, or you’ll miss out on the best part.”

I am more alive now than I have been in weeks. No more letting go, no more walking away when fear threatens to consume me. I’m stronger than I think.

“It’s not the current that will drown you. It’s the exhaustion from fighting it.”

Time stops for no one, no matter how unsure we are of the future.

Sometimes what we thought we’d never want becomes the only thing we desperately need.”

“It’s never the end. Even when you think your life is over, a new story line appears.”

“I can’t fault him for trying, as misguided as it was. I remember how I was at twenty, with your mom. If she said jump, I did it, even if there was a plate of glass inches from my head. I didn’t care about the consequences. I only cared about making her happy.”

This isn’t what happiness feels like, though. This is what it feels like when the plate of glass shatters at your feet, and all that’s left is a bump on the head and regrets.

“He always had a way of charming you into something you knew was a bad idea . . . except he wasn’t ever the one to pay the consequences.”

“Just when you think your life is over, a new story line falls from the sky and lands right in your lap.”