How To Be Ferociously Happy: and other essays

by Dushka Zapata

I am not saying life has no meaning. I am saying the only meaning of life is to live it.

The age where you think you will have everything figured out never comes.

Instead, happiness is now. Figuring it out is supposed to be fun. It’s why we are here.

Here is why: finding yourself is a moving target. The world changes constantly. We change constantly. Once you find yourself you have to begin again.

You can look out at whatever you wish; and you can learn. Pick what you want to learn about: the entirety of world knowledge is at your fingertips.

As such, a healthy relationship with this person is vital to your happiness. There is one element crucial to this relationship: trust.

The very good news is that this skill — the ability to declare “I’m going to be really clumsy at this, and that’s OK!” — will serve you well across all aspects of your life.

Being bad at something is the only way to be successful at it.

Today, when someone finds me boring all it means is we’re not a good match. Someone out there will be fascinated by the people you find boring and, no matter how boring you worry you are, someone out there will be enthralled by you.

So here is my relationship advice: have one with yourself. Know yourself. Love yourself. Save yourself.

Don’t make decisions based on what is good for your children. Make decisions based on what is good for you.

Examine what is driving the choices you are making. Is it love or is it guilt? If the force is guilt, don’t do it.

You should pay attention to what people choose to tell you about themselves, because it’s usually true.

The happier you are the less time you have to judge.

This is a good time to remind you how important it is that you focus on yourself instead of judging others.

Flex your beautiful, beautiful languages.

Fully enjoy this moment right now. You’ll miss your whole life if you don’t.

When making decisions, let love guide the way rather than fear.

While you are at it, defy fear. Look at it in the eye and do it anyway.

Accept things the way they are. This implies letting go of any expectations and resistance.

Don’t covet what you don’t have. This means no envy (wanting for yourself what someone else has) or jealousy (the fear someone will take what is yours.) When you come across an obstacle, feel challenged instead of frustrated. It’s a matter of attitude/perspective.

Practice feeling overwhelming amounts of gratitude.

Decide that you have enough. When met with the unknown, tap into a sense of adventure rather than uncertainty. Resolve to see beauty everywhere.

Conversely, you don’t have to do anything to be loved. When you are liked or loved it happens just because you are you.

My point is: our mistakes are our mark, our adventure, our flavor. They are the only way we ever learn anything; the only tool we have to design our life.

Resolving to be kind is a gift to yourself.

The more you give, the more you have. The more you help another, the stronger your team and the stronger your network: another person’s gain becomes your own.

Being kind is a superpower, and it is always available to you.

I have learned planning is futile. We can’t predict what we want, as it assumes we’re not going to change. Everything changes.

If you make the best choice for right now, the future takes care of itself.

I have lived the past 15 years making the best choices I can make for myself based on what I want for the present, rather than sacrificing the present for a future that might or might not come.

You need to exercise turning all the focus on yourself, what you want to accomplish and how you want to live your life.

The busier you are working on you, your life and your happiness, the less time you will have to dwell on another’s success other than to celebrate it.

You can never change another person. Not to “fix”, “help” or “save” them.

Here is what is most salient: My life improves dramatically when I begin by giving the other person this benefit of the doubt. Instead of feeling insulted, hurt or wronged by whoever did not meet my (often unvoiced) expectations, I tell myself they were doing the best they can. This changes my outlook: from feeling disappointed to feeling compassion. More often than not, it turns out to be true. Believing that people are doing the best they can is a better way to go through life.

There is no faster way to develop self confidence than facing your fears.

I finally figured out that my fear and my doubts did not reside in the man I was with nor in any of the women who came before me. The person I was doubting was myself.

We all need to work on loving ourselves instead of trying to decipher anyone’s feelings about anybody

If something doesn’t elate you, don’t stick with it. Life is short.

Meeting people where they are at. And on a related note, don’t try to change the other person’s mind, opinion, or outlook. In fact, don’t try to change the other person. Stop trying. It doesn’t work. It never will. It never has.

The happier you are, the less you will criticize someone else, and the more empathy you will feel for what they are going

Don’t make decisions based on what others might think or say. It will steer you wrong every time.

The busier you are working on you, your life and your happiness, the less time you will have to talk about others.

There are better things to do with your most valuable resources: your energy, your intelligence, your imagination. Use those resources instead to visualize the most incredibly wonderful outcomes.

In my opinion, you should listen to your feelings.

Have you ever noticed how beautiful someone (friend or lover) looks as you come to love them?

That it’s possible to make all the right decisions and end up with an undesired outcome. Ergo, the outcome should not be the measure of if you made the right decisions.

That the world owes you nothing.

That there are no shortcuts.

That closing yourself off is the worst thing you can do because it will kill you before you die. Give. Give give give. If you are used, give. Love. Love love love. If you are hurt, love.