Blind Reader Wanted

by Georgia Le Carre

Every small town had a loner, a mysterious, gruff, elusive, anti-social person who refused to be part of the community. Kit Carson was this town’s ghost. He lived on a large track of wooded land that he had converted into some kind of wolf sanctuary. Occasionally, he would drive into town in his pickup truck, but he wouldn’t make eye-contact or speak to anyone other than to grunt. I heard he was a hulk: six feet seven inches tall and as solid as a brick house, but that he walked with a slight limp and had a scarred face that nobody actually got a good look at.

When I first wound up at the edge of this mountain I was a fucking mess. Driven nearly mad with the raw brutality and senseless violence I had seen in the Military, I was a disaster waiting to happen. Like one of those tortured men, who got himself a gun, walked into a shopping complex, and blasted everyone, man, woman, and child away, thinking they were doing them a favor, because the world was so fucking irredeemably ugly. PTSD. Awww … looked like it should be a box with a pretty red ribbon around it. I’ll tell you what it is. It was raw screams that infected every damn thought you had during the day, and chased you into your dreams. You woke up screaming, tearing at your own hair. I began to question everything about humanity. Even my own. Yeah, I thought about putting the barrel of a gun into my mouth. Only the image of my mother in her house surrounded by her white picket fence and flag flying proudly in her immaculate yard kept my brains from splattering out behind me. I had two options: Dive into therapy and deal with all the things I had seen, or get the hell out of dodge and hide from the stupid idea of confronting the nightmare. Only an idiot could come up with such a shit idea – how did one confront what I had seen? The innocent children blown to bits, your mate’s steaming guts in your bare hands. Guess which option I took?

I knew she was young, I could tell by her voice, but I never counted on her being drop-dead gorgeous. Fucking hell. She looked like she had stepped out of the pages of a fancy magazine. My breathing was ragged. I didn’t really think about what I was expecting, but not this. Not this. This girl was special. Too special for me … but fuck me, if I didn’t want her the way I wanted nothing else in my life. I wanted to make her mine and never let her go.

“Do you have any tea in your house?” “Tea?” he echoed incredulously, as if I had said, poison. I swallowed a smile. “Yes. Tea. You know, tea bags.” “I know what tea is.” He sounded indignant. “No, I don’t have any.” My smile broke through, anyway. Didn’t surprise me in the least. He struck me as the type of man who would broker nothing less than coffee, black as night, and hot enough to burn. “I love tea,” I said conversationally. “I don’t have any tea,” he repeated. “Not yet you don’t,” I said, enjoying this little experiment in socializing a cross bear of a man who obviously hadn’t dealt with another person in years. “But I hope you’ll change that because I’d love to be offered a cup of tea each time I come to read to you. Perhaps you can consider it as part payment of our agreed fee. $49.00 plus a cup of tea.” He was entirely silent. Even his breath was gone. I waited – anyone who wants to play a game of words must understand the value of silence. “You’re not going to be easy because you’re blind, are you?” he exhaled. I gave him my broadest smile. “Honey, you have no idea.” “I’ll get you the tea,” he said, a mocking edge to his voice. “Although, you might need something stronger to soothe your nerves when you read the book I’ve got for you.” My stomach tightened. He was flirting with me! Who flirts with a blind girl? I had never flirted with anyone in my life. I didn’t know how to. And yet with him, I felt bold and daring. I wanted to touch his face. “Why?” I asked wit...

“Thank you for meeting with me.” “You’re … you’re not going to read today?” I smiled. “You seem to be rather distracted and angry about something today. If you still want me to read to you, pick me up from the library on Friday.” Instinctively, I sensed his confusion. “Have I upset you? I don’t get too many visitors so I’m a bit rough around the edges, but I mean you no harm,” he explained. “You’ve not upset me, Mr. Carson. I’m looking forward to Friday.” I took a step in the direction of the door, and he scrambled to get there before I did so he could open it for me. What a surprise – there was a gentleman underneath all that bluster and bluff. I paused at the threshold. “You will let me look at you some day, won’t you?” “What?” “With my hands.” The idea intoxicated me. The pull from his body was so powerful the tiny hairs on my hands stood to attention. “I have scars,” he muttered. “I know,” I whispered. “Scars are not ugly to me. They are just shapes.” “Uh.” “So will you? Let me see you.” “Yes,” his voice was husky.

“stay right there” as he got out of his side and came around to mine. By the time he got there, I was standing outside the truck. “I told you to wait,” he said, an edge to his voice. “If you want me to wait next time, ask politely,” I told him. “And only if you are opening the door because you are a gentleman. Not because I’m blind.” There was a moment of silence. He was obviously taken aback, but his response was very measured. “I have no doubt you are quite capable of getting out of the car yourself. I wasn’t opening the door for you because you’re blind, but because the ground right now is slick as warm owl shit, and I damn near busted my ass twice this morning.” “Warm owl shit?” I laughed so hard it hurt. He took my hand as I was still howling and began to lead me to the steps. My feet suddenly went out from under me, and I stopped laughing pretty quick then. “See?” he said.

“Why do you care?” he asked. There was a flare of pain in his voice. I was startled. “Why wouldn’t I?” “Most people around here think I’m a fucking axe murderer and my wife is buried under the floor of my woodshed.” “You know about that?” I blurted out. “Someone should teach the good folk of Durango Falls how to whisper.” There was neither bitterness nor malice in his voice. He didn’t care what they thought. I grinned. “They do speak loud enough to wake the dead, don’t they?” “I’m surprised my poor dead wife hasn’t risen up from under the floorboards and gone to haunt them,” he said dryly.

I wanted to fucking eat her, not the cake.

I would only ruin her. She wanted a friend. I wanted to spread her legs and bury my cock in her sweet pussy. I wanted to make her mine.

I will never ever become involved with someone in the military.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind if he had been in the military. I just can’t do active military duty,” I added,

“Wow, we got into some heavy shit here, huh?”

“Can I see you?” Kit paused in his pacing. I held out my hands. “Can I … can I feel your face? I have always wondered what you look like.” “Why now?” “I’d like to see the face of the man I will be spending the night with.” For a long moment he stood frozen, then he spoke, “Valerie saved my life by taking the brunt of the blast, but not all of it. I have horrible scars, Lara.” He sounded wary and distant, as if he expected me to shrink away from wanting to feel his face. “Don’t we all? Yours are just more visible than most,” I said quietly. “You sound like a shrink.” I didn’t say anything and dropped my head, embarrassed that I had asked him for something so personal. I had never done something so bold before. Then I heard his footsteps come towards me. Quiet, but determined. He knelt on the floor in front of the couch. “I’ll let you see my scars if you let me see your eyes.”

“The scars suit you. A man living by himself at the edge of a mountain should have such a face,” I said. “It’s like your story is written on your face in a language only you can understand.”

I was so wild for her I had to force myself to walk away before I threw her down on the floor, ripped her clothes off, and did all the things that I had been dreaming of doing since the first day I saw her.

“Tell me why we can’t?” she asked softly.

“I just want to know why we can’t,” she insisted. I caught her hands in mine and swallowed hard. “I don’t want to do anything that you might regret, or that might end the friendship we have. It’s really good our … friendship, isn’t it?” Her soft lips parted in a silent gasp. “Yes, but I want more.” “Lara, honey.” “I like the way you say my name,” she purred. “It sounds almost exotic. I don’t know how you do that, but you do.” I cleared my throat and gently took a step back. “Lara …” “See? Just like that. You did it again.” She was so small I could crush her with my bare hands. “You know … we could ruin everything. And this is so damn good, isn’t it? I haven’t had a friendship like this in a very long time.” “How long has it been since you had a lover?” I choked on my own saliva. My body surged so hard my dick hurt. All I wanted to do was fuck her and I had to give her these bullshit excuses. My heart began a crazy beat. I could feel my blood crashing in my ears. “A really fucking long time,” I muttered. “How long?” she pressed softly.

“Over a year,” I whispered. “Closer to two.” “Huh … that’s not what I expected at all,” she said with a smile. “You are so darn sexy I don’t know how any woman is expected to keep her hands off you.” Oh, Lara, Lara, my doll. Look at you, saying all the right things. My whole body felt like it was on fire. “Are you actually trying to seduce me? Me? The guy with the fucking burnt face. If you are it’s fucking working.” When she stepped forward again and pressed her hands on my shoulders, I had a tough time even thinking about anything else but the gorgeous body that lay underneath her clothes. “Lara … are you fucking sure about this?” I whispered hoarsely. Her answer was to press herself against me as fully as she could. I let her delectable weight push into me. Then I lowered us onto the sleeping bag. To my surprise she climbed right on top of me with no shyness or hesitation at all. Sinking her hands into my hair she held my face as her lips and tongue worked magic over my mouth, then slowly moved, dropping butterfly kisses all down my chin. By the time she kissed my neck, I knew I was at the point of no return. “This is your last warning,” I said. “Go any lower and I’m gonna be inside you all fucking night.” “Promise?”

Fuck, it wouldn’t be crushing a flower under my boot. It would be more like taking it out by its roots and planting it on my soil so that it would be mine forever.

“You’re mine, goddammit,”

“Do you always wear bras this sexy?” “The panties match,” she said with a wicked grin. “You really should look.” “Oh, you think so?”

“Do you want me to come inside your mouth or inside your pussy?” I grunted. “Inside my pussy,” she mumbled with her mouth full. “Then you better fucking stop that, because I can’t last much longer,” I groaned.

“That was so awesome,” she giggled. “How long before we can do it again?”

“I like waking up with you.” “Good,” I murmured. “Cause you’ll be doing a lot more of it.” “Really?” “God, yeah.”

“Elaine,” she said, as if that answered everything. “Elaine?” “She made me practice on a condom covered banana when we were seventeen.” “I never thought I’d see the day I was jealous of a fucking banana.”

“Oh, babe. You were absolutely amazing last night. Don’t you dare be embarrassed about it. I loved it that you were bold and honest and … so … lusty.”

“From now on only I make you cum,” I said.

“This time,” I whispered. “Don’t hold back.” “But that poor pussy must still be tender,” he said. “I like it when you let go completely. Like before. I want you to lose it,” I said. “I’ll hurt you. You’re so little.” “You won’t hurt me. I’m a woman. I’m built to have babies.” “Then I’ll take what I need,”

“This feels so damn good. I could stay with my cock parked in your sweet pussy forever.” The grin on my face grew wider. “Free parking. That’s considered a good perk for city folk, isn’t it?” “I’d pay everything I own for this parking space.” “You can pay me with food.” “Deal. What do you want? The choice is limited though.” “Can we have pancakes?” I asked with a grin. “I might have some pancake mix left, but it’s almost certainly out of date.” “I’ll risk it, if you will.” “You do know that there might only be two flushes left in that toilet until the snow thaws off a bit.”

“I think I’m in love.” “Stop being so sappy. You are not in love. It’s just sex. You’ll get over it.” “It’s not just the sex. I just feel something here.” I touched the area over my heart. “Like how you felt about Sawyer?” she asked sarcastically. I frowned and shook my head. “No, not like that. That was just a childish crush. I was a girl then. What I feel for Kit is totally different.” “Really? What do you feel?” Her voice bristled with naked curiosity. “When he touches me, it feels as if I’ll go up in flames.” Elaine laughed. “That’s called lust, honey.” “Shhh …” Mister Sullivan hissed again. “Oh, for crying out loud. Have you not gone home yet?” she asked, completely irritated. “I’m trying to read the paper here,” he grumbled. “Well, switch off your hearing aids and get on with it then,” she snapped.

“Hello, Mrs. Luther.” To my horror my voice was shaking. “Don’t you Hello me, Missie. Your disgraceful goings on have reached my ears.” She harrumphed. “What disgraceful goings on?” I asked. She snorted. “Play the innocent with someone else. I know what’s going on. You’ve taken up with that heathen beast in the forest.” “He’s not a heathen beast. He’s a good man,” I defended automatically. “A good man? He’s never set foot in our church. There’s a place in hell for men like him,” she huffed. Another time I wouldn’t have reacted to her sanctimonious preaching and scolding, but after what Sawyer just put me through, I couldn’t take it lying down. “Well, then I’m going to the same place because I got naked with him,” I confessed hotly.

“Mark my words, child. Stop this madness now, or you’ll be sorry.”

“Do you know I’m batshit crazy about your scent? It’s fucking driving me insane. Aren’t you wearing panties, or something?” I giggled. “You don’t think I would be that naughty, do you?” He rubbed his hands sensuously around my butt cheeks, then stopped and said, incredulously, “You little tease. You’re not wearing any, are you?” “Nope.” He groaned. “Fuck, how am I supposed to eat knowing you’ve gone commando? Did I just feel the garters of your stocking against my leg?” “Obviously, since I’m planning on seducing you tonight.” “The only one seducing anyone tonight, will be me. Guess what I’m going to do to you this fine night?” My cheeks burned. “I don’t know. What?” “I’m gonna open your legs and make full use of my free parking permit for hours and hours.”

“Jesus, that’s some dress you have on. Even the back view is giving me a hard on,” he growled behind me.

“What are you doing?” I asked. “Just gawking at you.” “I’m actually a bit nervous, Kit.” “Don’t be. You look absolutely beautiful. If I can walk into that place with my charred face you can definitely go in looking like a million dollars.” I smiled up at him. “Ma used to say I was pretty, but nobody’s called me beautiful before.” “Then they’re all blind as bats,” he said firmly.

“What are you afraid of?” I asked him. “I’m afraid of … I’m afraid only of losing you,” he said softly. “Why would you lose me? You can see,” I quipped. He didn’t laugh. “No matter what happens, just know that you are the most important thing that ever happened to me,” he said.

“Just looking at my sweet pussy. I missed her all day.”

“You are so little, Lara,” he crooned as he positioned me over his cock. “I’m sometimes afraid of hurting you.”

“I love you, Kit.” He drew in a ragged breath. “I hope the day never comes that you regret you ever met me.”

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Kit.” “I hope you’ll always think that.” She frowned slightly. “Is someone staring daggers at us?” “Uh huh.” “It’s a woman in her forties in a black coat and knitted hat, isn’t it?” I glanced back at the biddy. If looks could kill … “Bang on target.” “That’s Marybeth Luther, one of the town’s busybodies. I swear she’ll make me so angry one of these days, I’m gonna tell her to stop judging me because the way to God’s heart is the same as a man’s. On your knees.”

“Sawyer,” he repeated incredulously when he got over his deep shock. “He couldn’t hurt a fly if it was shitting on his nose.”

“I’m blind, Sheriff Bradley, not stupid.”

“Why does that someone have to be you?” “If everybody thought that about their loved ones then there would be no one left to step up to the job.” “I have given up my dad, my brother, and my mother for my country. Are you asking me to give up the man I love for this country as well?” “Can we talk about this when I get back?” “What is there to talk about?” I asked bitterly. “Not only are you a soldier, you’re part of a unit that undertakes the most dangerous missions.” I stopped. “Do you kill people in these secret missions?” “Sometimes.” I covered my mouth with my hands. “Who are you?” “I’m the man who never thought he’d find a woman again. I’m the guy who’d given up hope. I’m the man who loves you.”

“Lara, why do you think I pushed you away that first night? It is because of what you told me about your father and brother. But you came to me again in the night, and I wasn’t strong enough to push you away. How could I? You were everything I ever dreamed of, ever wanted.” “You said I might regret sleeping with you,” I said to him, my voice harsh and bitter. “Well, you were right. I do regret it. With all my heart.”

“No, don’t touch me,” I screamed. “You’re worried about me getting a little knock while you’re merrily ripping my heart to shreds.”

“I don’t know where you’re going. I don’t know what you will be doing. And I can’t live like that.”

“Enough. Please. You lied. You lied to me about something that you knew was so important to me. I thought I was part of something special with you and the wolves. How can I ever trust you again?”

“Fuck it, Lara. I’m either helping you to your door or I’m carrying you to it. Make your choice.”

“Goodnight, my love. I’ll be thinking of you,” he whispered.

“I love you,” he said, “so much it hurts.”