Royally Screwed (Royally, #1)

by Emma Chase

Infamy is temporary, celebrity is fleeting, but royalty…royalty is forever.

The prologue was written a few months before the rest of the manuscript and it really sets the stage for Nicholas’s relationship with the press and the fame he inherited. This line gave me chills when I wrote it. Here, it’s meant to convey the inescapable position of who Nicholas is, but by the end of the story, it means something very different to him.

It was an eighteenth birthday gift from the King of Genovia.

Wink-wink to The Princess Diaries! I love leaving easter eggs for readers - it’s fun, but also widens the fictional world and grounds the story in a fictional reality. Everything and everyone is connected :)

All sorts of disorders show up in ancient family trees—hemophiliacs, insomniacs, lunatics…gingers.

For the record, I love gingers - my daughter is a redhead ;)

It’s not our way to be overly emotional—stiff upper lip, onward and upward, the King is dead—long live the King. But while to the world they were a pair of HRHs, to me and Henry they were just plain old Mum and Dad. They were good and fun and real. They hugged us often, and smacked us about when we deserved it—which was pretty often too. They were wise and kind and loved us fiercely—and that’s a rarity in my social circle.

I love this whole section. It conveys so much of who Nicholas is as a person. From this, we know that he is a good man - loyal, sentimental, warm and down-to-earth (as much as a prince can be) - because that is who his parents were. We would have a very different impression if he had been raised by nannies with little real involvement from his parents.

“The wedding of the century.”

In the original draft of Royally Screwed, Chapters 1&2 were one long chapter. It was broken up into two chapters for ease of reading and because I loved ending the chapter with this line. #ToughGrandmaQueen

She means the portrait on the wall behind her. My grandfather’s been dead for ten years.

This and the previous dialogue were one of the very first lines written for Royally Screwed. Jotted down in my notes the day the story was conceived.

She’s breathtaking—I’ll give her that: dark hair and eyes, the face of an angel, skin like a porcelain doll’s. The kind whose head will spin around on its neck, right before it drags you under the bed to strangle you.

This description of Franny never fails to make me grin — Nicholas’ internal snark is strong. And, being a child of the 80’s, it’s my own wink to one of my favorite horror films, Poltergeist.

Women who live paycheck to paycheck can handle a one—or three—night stand better than those in my class. Noble ladies are spoiled, demanding—they’re used to getting everything they want—and turn vindictive when they’re denied. But girls like my pretty barmaid are accustomed to knowing there are some things in life they’ll never be able to lock down.

This sets up Nicholas’s willingness to hook up with a girl outside his social circle - shows that it’s not out of character for him. In an earlier version of this chapter, we actually see Meg the barmaid waking up in Nicholas’s room. This was revised b/c, I preferred referencing Nicholas’s past as opposed to seeing it play out in real time.

The day that changed my life was one of those days. The crappy kind.

I really enjoyed being inside Olivia’s head. She is my favorite female POV. That is all.

Bosco was a stray, a mutt, and he looks the part. The body of a Chihuahua, the wide-set eyes of a pug and the brown, stringy hair of a balding shih tzu. He’s one of those dogs that are so ugly, they’re actually cute.

Bosco is another nod to another beloved 80’s film - One Crazy Summer. Olivia’s mother found him and presumably named him. It’s mentioned at another point in the story that Olivia’s mother was a big fan of 80’s music & movies so, even through Olivia’s mom doesn’t get any actual page time, this is in-keeping with her character.

The thumb-against-teeth flip, the chin flick, the horns, and the raised-fist bicep slap, also known as the Italian Salute—just like Grandma Millie used to make.

My grandmother was named Millie. She taught me to curse in Italian. Love you Grandma! xo

He has three, actually—triplets—Bibbidy, Bobbidy, and Boo.

An allusion to Cinderella - I couldn’t resist.

I send Marty on regular weekly runs upstate to Maxwell Farms—they grow the best produce in the state.

If you’ve read NUTS by Alice Clayton (like I have), you’ll be familiar with Maxwell Farms :)

“Well…hello.” The corner of his mouth inches up. And it feels…naughty.

This line - the first time Nicholas speaks directly to Olivia - makes me tingly.

The things I could do with that much money…replace the water heater, make a dent in the mortgage payments, put some toward Ellie’s second-semester tuition. Jesus, it’s tempting. But after the money was gone—and it’d be gone fast—my reflection in the mirror would still be there.

It was important that Olivia’s internal response be realistic. As she just said - idealism is the first to go. She has pride, dignity - but she’s also a pragmatist.

“Kiss this, asshole.”

‘atta girl!

She even yanked on the short hairs at the back of my neck. Remember how she used to do that when we’d misbehave in public?” “I remember.” Simon’s voice is laced with nostalgia. “Until Henry ruined it for her in front of the press when he yelled, ‘Ow, what’d you pull my hair for, Mum?’”

True story. It’s only now, as an adult, that I can admit my brother, sister & I were sometimes wild little animal children. Sorry Mom.

If Helen launched a thousand ships, this girl could raise a thousand hard-ons.

Spoken like a true Renaissance Man.

She crosses her arms. “Are you trying to be cute?” “No. I don’t have to try…it just sort of happens.”

As I wrote this, I thought to myself - he’s right! Adorable bastard.

“I don’t like coffee. Never touch the stuff.” My eyes roll over the room. “You work in a coffee house.” “Exactly.”

Another true story. When I was a teenager, I worked part-time in a donut shop. Ruined donuts for me to this day :(

He married the daughter of Robert the Bruce, King of the Scots.

Here’s looking at you, Braveheart. If you’ve read the Tangled Series, you’ll already have an idea that I’m a fan of William Wallace.

He cups his small jaw in his hand and tries to smile. “We’re going to be all right, you and I. Yeah?”

There were tears while writing this scene. It’s emotional, but also important, not just to Nicholas’s character but to his relationship with Olivia. This equalizes him for her and she sees he has had the same emotional struggles, worries and tragedies she herself has experienced.

It’s like my younger sister, Janey. She’s a good-looking girl, but one day she had a zit on her forehead that was so big it made her look like a dickicorn. And she was walking—” James, in the front passenger seat, reads my mind. “What the fuck is a dickicorn?”

This scene was not in the original outline of Royally Screwed, but it was one of those scenes that just naturally seemed to fit in the course of the chapter. I don’t know where “dickicorn” came from - Lol - just a little gift from the writing gods.

“Freddie—do you like pie?”

The character of Freddie was not part of the original outline for Royally Screwed. I thought of him and this scene, mid-way through writing the first draft as a way to solve the plot point dilemma of how Nicholas would get back into Olivia’s good graces. I was so excited when I thought of it! Nicholas’s actions are completely in-character, while at the same time solving the “extra pie” problem for Olivia in a way that she won’t interpret as “charity” towards her. The entire scene relates back to the “impressed” conversation Nicholas & Olivia have when he first reappears in the coffee shop.

I’m Dorothy gazing down at the Emerald City. I’m Wendy rising in the air after my first pinch of pixie dust. I’m…I laugh to myself…I’m Cinderella, stepping into her coach to go to the ball. And even if this night is all there is, I won’t forget it;

This entire chapter pretty much revolves around this section. I needed a way to explain how Olivia, someone with limited financial means, would be able to find a nice dress befitting a date with a prince, on such short notice. But, more importantly, I loved the idea of exploring her thoughts just before the date. On one hand, Olivia is resigned to her situation (just as Nicholas is resigned to his) - and while it’s not the life she would have chosen for herself, she doesn’t let it drag her down. She doesn’t complain or get wrapped up in all the things she can’t have. She accepts the good times when they come - and grabs onto happiness when she can with both hands - determined to cherish those moments to help her through the rough times. That aspect of her personality, in part, is what makes her such a likable character for me.

“So you’re never just…alone? Can’t walk around naked if you feel like it?”

Here’s an example of my own little curiosity making its way into my story. I’ve always wondered about this with celebrities who have security, servants, staff - how odd it must be to never just be alone. This line also made me recall an interview I had read with David & Victoria Beckham from several years ago. They explained why they only had daytime / part-time nanny help with their children (I’m paraphrasing) - b/c once the kids were in bed, they liked to have sex in any room of the house they wanted. No wonder they seem to still have such a great marriage!

She thinks that over, then asks, “But are you excited? Like Simba, are you all, ‘I just can’t wait to be king’?”

This scene served a few purposes. It gave us a peek into Nicholas’s feelings about his future role as King and it reinforces the parallels between Nicholas & Olivia’s lives - that they both are in positions based on “duty” and obligation to their family, not really of their own choosing. But my favorite part about this whole chapter is that Nicholas & Olivia talk. They really get to know each other, enjoy each other’s company - we don’t always get to see that happen in romances. This build up and laying of the foundation for their relationship is what made Royally Screwed feel like more of a true love story to me.

To little girls, fathers are heroes—at least the good ones are. Tall and handsome, strong but patient, with a deep voice that speaks the wisest truths. My father was a good one.

I was a big Supernatural fan, once upon a time, and probably because of that - I’ve always pictured Olivia’s father, Mr. Hammond as Jeffrey Dean Morgan :)

“My grandmother talks to paintings.”

This line is everything to me. This is the heart of Nicholas and Olivia’s relationship - where they bare their souls to each other, in a way - and see they are mirror images of one another, despite the fact that they come from two different worlds. It’s beginning, the spark of their emotional connection, that grows and is built upon throughout the story. Easily one of my most favorite - and most intimate - scenes I’ve ever written.

“What about you?” I ask, the words rushing. “If you could do anything, right now, what would you do?” His thumb slides across my bottom lip, stroking it slowly, gently…intently. “I would kiss you.”

SWOON!!! Another of my all-time favorite lines ever!

stands, wiggling his mobile. “Before you go, can I get a selfie? You know—for the spank bank?”

This line was added after the first draft was complete. It’s a fun example of how some of the best lines just pop up during revisions - even if you’ve read over a scene 10 times - on the 11th, this magical line appears.

It shows a trim, pretty little bush of soft black curls. It’s different—most of the women I’ve been with do their damnedest to have their vag imitate Mr. Bigglesworth, Dr. Evil’s hairless cat.

I had an entire email thread with my British beta reader about slang for vagina. That was the subject heading in the opening email: Slang for Vagina. My job is hilariously strange :)

“It’s Henry’s.” An easy smile comes to my lips. “Our mother had it made for him when he was eight and she was sure ID bracelets were coming back into style.” I chuckle at the memory and Olivia lets out a small laugh. “He hated it, but he pretended to like it for her sake.”

Cried here too. This story was very emotional to me. Also - these stories, about the origins of the bracelets were inspired by the Royally Screwed cover.

the first time I ever gave a…blow job…I didn’t really know what it was. And since it’s called a ‘blow’ job, I thought you were supposed to—” She puffs her cheeks out, like she’s trying to blow up an uncooperative balloon.

True story. (not mine). Be careful what stories you tell an author.

“I shit in a bag once.”

Also a true story (not mine). Names have been changed to protect the innocent ;) (PS - I always ask for permission before writing about stories that were inspired by real events in my books).

“They’re probably from Jersey.”

I tend to only joke / tease about characteristics in my stories, that I myself possess. I feel most comfortable making fun of myself.

He brings my hand to his lips, kissing the back. “Quick on your feet—I like that. How are you on your knees, love?”

Oh Henry - you devil!! By this point in writing Royally Screwed, I’d already begun outlining Henry’s book, Royally Matched. Contrasting the naughty, wild-boy aspects of Henry’s personality with the more poignant moments to come, made me even more excited for his story! He’s a fun, hot-headed, hot-blooded, spontaneous character, which makes him so much fun to write.

Just as I reach the door, Henry calls my name. I turn around. “I’m sorry, Nicholas. I’m sorry that I ruined all your plans.”

Then she lowers her head, resting her cheek against my chest, right over my heartbeat. Dolly and Kenny sing about sailing away together…to another world.

This scene was already written, but I didn’t know what song Nicholas & Olivia would dance to. One afternoon in the car, Islands in the Stream by Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers came on the radio and - boom - I immediately thought, that’s the one! It’s like the lyrics were written just for this moment.

“He won’t know what to make of it. It’ll drive him insane. A woman’s weapons of mass destruction are indifference and confusion.”

When I wrote this line, I thought to myself - Franny is like the female, British version of Drew Evans.

And she became the ugliest beautiful girl in the whole wide world.”

This line captivated me. And this was the first time I considered giving Franny & Simon their own book.

“I’ll kill you! I’ll kill your family and I’ll eat your dog!”

This line was written at 3 am, in my office. It was one of those unplanned, came-out-of-nowhere lines that pop up when you’re “in the writing zone”. It made me literally laugh out loud for five full minutes. I couldn’t tell if it was really that funny or if I was delirious from exhaustion :)

MY MOTHER ONCE TOLD ME that time was like the wind. It rushes over you, passes you—and no matter how hard you try, how much you want to, you can’t hold onto it, and you can’t ever slow it down.

I’ve said this to my own children - more than once. This and you’ll never get another chance to live this day, today, again. #carpediem #lifelessons

“Yes, I’m a fucking arsehole and a bastard, too. But I can’t…bear it. The thought of you being an ocean away.

This line was inspired by an episode of Game of Thrones - by a scene between Jaime & Cersei. There aren’t really any similarities story-wise or character-wise, but there’s something about Nicholas’a desperation here - his sorrow and conflicted emotions at this moment - that made me think of it while I was watching the GoT scene, and this line showed up in my head.

“You are common—and I don’t say that as a criticism. Commoners look at the world through the lens of a single lifetime. In a hundred years, no one will remember your name. You are as indistinguishable as grains of sand on the beach. “Monarchs see the world through the prism of legacy. Ask Nicholas; he’ll tell you the same. What will we leave behind? How will we be remembered? Because whether we are reviled or revered—we will be remembered.

God, I love these lines!! Definitely one of my favorites out of all of Royally Screwed. The Queen fascinates me. To have the burden of caring for an entire nation of people, while at the same time wanting the same happiness and joy for her grandsons that “typical” Granny’s want - and knowing those two desires will often come in conflict, is not an easy thing. This section goes a long way into explaining and showing how the Queen thinks, feels and makes the choices she ultimately makes.

His mouth tightens, and sympathy dims in his eyes. “Prince Nicholas asked me to protect your business, watch over your sister. Until I receive new orders, that’s what I’ll do.”

*sigh* Logan St. James. Honest, loyal, heroic, handsome…but also intense. If you don’t love him already - you will. In an upcoming book in the Royally Series, Logan says: “Do you know why they picked me to be on the Prince’s personal security team? It’s because I’m not nearly as civilized as I look.” YUM!

“I am a horse’s arse.”

Most romantic line I’ve ever written… Okay - not literally. But it’s the start of one of the most lovely, heart-cheering segment I’ve ever written. My note-to-self in this scene was: “this is what romance dreams are made of.”

He’s Jerry McGuiring you! He’s Jerry McGuiring you, because you complete him!!”

Another line that was written in my notes on the day I originally conceived the story of Royally Screwed. I was so excited when I finally got to write it in the manuscript!

Ellie cups her breasts in her palms, squeezing. “And it makes my boobs look great!”

This line was inspired by all the attention Pippa Middleton’s “bum” received after the royal wedding of William & Kate.