Ramona Blue

by Julie Murphy

“Olive juice,” she says. I love you, her lips read. Her mother used to mouth it to her when she was dropping Grace off at school so she didn’t embarrass her in front of all her friends. “I love you, too,” I whisper back with my lips already pressed into hers.

I hate crying. I mean, most everyone does. But some people, like Hattie, feel better after a good cry. When Hattie cries, it’s like watching a snake shed its skin. Tears somehow let her regenerate, whereas crying only makes me angry I cared so much to begin with.

“Heteronormative bullshit,”

“Well, I think you’re a super-sexy watermelon!”

I don’t hate straight people, I swear.

There are two sides to every story and two versions of every person.

Maybe sneaking onto private property is just some kind of stupid antic for you, but from where I stand, that’s how black kids get shot.”

Ramona dear, bring the straight one.

It seems to me that childhood ends and adult life begins the moment you stop believing your parents can rescue you.

“You were like my own Peter Pan,” says Freddie. “I thought you would never grow up and that you’d always be this constant fixture on the beach, challenging other kids to races in the sand and swimming-noodle duels.”

It’s sad that sometimes we let ourselves believe that if it’s not bad, it must be good.”

I’m scared that this might be the happiest moment of my life. I’m scared, because I don’t want it to end, and because this can’t be it. I need more.

The two of them standing together look like a pair of gay dads.

“Feelings are gross. Did you know that? They’re the actual worst.”

I don’t know if we’re okay, but I feel like maybe we’re redefining what okay means for us.

“I want to do that with you. Nothing and everything.”

Freddie rolls down the window. “Son, I need to speak to your manager.” “I run this bitch!” shouts Adam.

I think everyone should make out in a car wash at least once.

Life isn’t always written in the stars. Fate is mine to pen. I choose guys. I choose girls. I choose people. But most of all: I choose.

I can see that she’s psyching herself up to talk without crying all over again.

We don’t say we love each other, and it’s something I appreciate. It’s not a phrase I want to wear out.

I don’t know why, but I want Freddie to fight with me. I want to argue and shout and for him to show me that everything is not okay.

I am left to small talk, which I’m learning is an actual skill.

“These bitches won’t even see me coming.”

He’s like a goldfish, content with the size of his bowl and not too concerned with what might exist elsewhere, because he is the king of this domain.

Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.”

I underestimated how much people lose their shit for babies.

Pizza Rolls, Not Gender Roles.

“You were always the responsible one. Sometimes I think you just chose being gay, because you had to figure out some kind of way to disappoint us.”

you can’t just cut people out of your life when things get tough.”

“What are we even supposed to do at prom?” “Whatever you want,” she says. “Dance. Eat. Make fun of people.”

my watery blue hair has been meticulously curled into loose waves that make me look like the kind of mermaid that might sing you to your untimely end.

I will survive, because I have survived.

I think I’m ready to spend my little bit of savings on something completely foolish: the future.

When I told Ruth about Coach Pru’s offer and that I had decided to take her up on it, she cried. She cried actual human tears. And seeing Ruth cry made me cry. So the two of us sat there outside Boucher’s on our lunch break, hugging and crying.

I don’t know what the future holds for my niece, but I do know that I have yet to see her in the same outfit twice, and I think that’s a good sign.

part of being family is accepting one another’s flaws with the knowledge that sometimes people never change, and you have to decide what and who you can live with or without.

I’m still trying to figure what I want to call myself. Gay? Bi? Queer? Pansexual? I’m not sure, but I’m going to figure it out as I go along.