Keepsake (True North, #3)

by Sarina Bowen

Maybe I’d spent the first twenty-three years of my life without touching anyone, but Lark had changed me. I craved the contact.

“He’s afraid of mice.” “Once a mouse ran over his foot, and he screamed,” Kieran added. “I did not scream.”

God, I loved her. What a scary thought that was, but it was entirely true. I’d never felt about anyone the way I felt about Lark. Like I’d walk through fire for her.

“Zach,” Lark whispered. The bed moved as she lay down again, too. “Is it egotistical of me to ask whether I’ve ever made it into one of your best dreams?” In Leviticus, it says, “You shall not lie to one another.” The temptation was strong. But I spoke the truth. “They’re all about you.”

Even as I leaned into the warmth of his body, I knew on some level that I shouldn’t do it. Zach wasn’t just a guy I happened to be attracted to. He was special. Zach was a better person than…well, just about anybody. He ought to be handled with care.

“Remind me again,” I whispered, “why you’re a virgin?” “Never wanted anyone enough,” he panted. “And now?” I pressed, punctuating the question by sucking gently on the skin beneath Zach’s ear. “In my dreams, we do it every night.”

Zach grinned at me. I loved that smile,

I’ve never had sex with someone out of obligation.” “Me neither,” he said.

On the compound in Wyoming they used to speak of girls being “ruined.” Right now “ruined” sounded like a pretty accurate word for how I felt. Now that I knew how beautiful it could be, there would never be another moment when I didn’t crave more of Lark.

“I don’t exactly know what I’m doing, you know. I hope you won’t mind…” She silenced me with a finger over my lip. “Zach, you’re already a good lover.”

I could hardly believe how beautiful she was,

I wasn’t talking much, she’d said. Things were even worse than she’d told me. “Where’d you go?” she asked. “Just worrying about you.”

her lips continued to torture me. Hell, I’d do anything she asked right now. Anything.

From the other side of the wall came a piercing whistle, followed by cheering and applause. “Oh, Jesus Christ.” Lark chuckled.

“There are still two hours until your alarm goes off. You should sleep.” I closed my eyes and wondered if I could. The way her soft hair brushed my chest was something I didn’t want to miss. Being this close to her made staying conscious worthwhile.

I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

“I need to go.” “I know,” she mumbled. “I sure don’t want to.”

I wanted more of Lark, and not just sex. I wanted Lark as a girlfriend.

I wanted to feel Lark’s heartbeat against mine when I fell asleep at night, and hear about her day just before we fell asleep. I wanted to bring her a cup of coffee in the morning, and tug her closer for a kiss.

It was almost more embarrassing to let the Shipleys cook me so many meals than it was to have a screaming orgasm in earshot of the men.

Just treat him carefully, okay? He is really special. And he doesn’t have much experience with loving anyone.”

I knew Zach was special. Nobody knew it better than I did.

If May had a real glimpse at the tangled jungle of my emotions, she wouldn’t describe me that way. I didn’t feel worldly or daring anymore. I just felt tired. And scared out of my mind all the time. May didn’t know that, though, because I was such a shitty friend I’d never said so.

he’s completely irresistible to me.”

Kyle is all confused now because he doesn’t know what to tease me about anymore.”

“You’re important to me, too,” I admitted. He really was. I couldn’t imagine getting through these past several weeks without his steady presence at my side.

“So you both just drove up…on a Monday morning? A workday?” “You told your mother that Mondays were quiet. No tourists and no markets,”

“I can’t,” he said quietly. “Sure you can.” He looked up into the rafters. “No, I really can’t.” “Oh.” There was an awful silence while I realized what Zach was saying. It never occurred to me that he’d never had a bike.

Daphne said, ‘I know chapter and verse about birth control and STDs. I don’t need to discuss my vagina with my big brother, and don’t forget I’m handy with the shotgun.’ So I took my banana and ran away.”

Griffin chatted with his fiancée. The sweet nothings they exchanged sounded like this: “And what kind of yeast are they using for the second fermentation? Ah, interesting.”

She crossed the kitchen when I appeared and gave me a pickle-scented hug. It was just a quick embrace, the same as she might give May at the end of the day. But I’ve never appreciated any gesture more. She claimed me, right in front of her family and the Shipleys.

I wanted to climb over the little barrier and ask for lessons. It was a familiar itch I hadn’t felt in a long time—the urge to drop everything and try something new.

he slung an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. “I missed you today.” I kissed the top of his head. “Back at you, cutie.”

“Wish it was Sunday.” “How many days away is that?” I mumbled. He counted them out with kisses. “Five.” “Fuck.”

I didn’t want my selfish desires to get in the way of her plans. And worse—if my feelings on the matter weren’t going to count as a factor in her decision-making, I didn’t want to know.

I gave her a quick kiss, still marveling at the fact that I was allowed to do that.

“God, you’re beautiful,” she said on a gusty exhale. “It’s not even fair.”

“I want to see all of you.” But I hesitated. “There are scars. It’s not the best-looking part of me.” Her head tipped to the side, and her gaze was soft. “I know, cutie. I felt them. But there is no ugly part of you.”

“I have scars,” she said quietly. “Mine don’t show.” “I know,” I whispered, stroking her foot. “I hope they heal up so you can’t feel them anymore. Mine don’t hurt now. I never think about them.”

“Never talked like this with anyone,” I admitted. “I know.” She kissed me on the nose. “But lust isn’t shameful, no matter what they used to tell you. Now’s your chance to stick it to ’em. Name a desire. It doesn’t even have to be realistic.”

“They’re supposed to be an aphrodisiac,” I teased. He beckoned to me, and I leaned across the table. “Just smile at me. That’s all it takes.”

Zach was a beautiful person inside and out. And for some reason he chose me. I didn’t know why. I couldn’t understand why, and my confidence was shot to hell. But whenever he calmly put a hand on my back, I felt less alone. And when he held my hand he reminded me that I hadn’t always felt this way. That it might get easier.

I found his feet under the table and tucked mine against them.

After dinner we made a half-assed attempt at pretending we weren’t in Woodstock for the sole purpose of having lots of sex.

Zach was always more talkative when it was just the two of us.

he listened. Like he always did.

I’m so sick of me.” I flung myself down, stretched across the giant bed. Zach lay down beside me, his chin on his arms. “I’m not sick of you.” He slid a hand down my hair. “And I won’t ever be sick of you.”

“I’d do anything for you, you know that, right?”

The One In Charge repeats his command. I feel my body shaking. I’m afraid that Oscar will do as he asks. I’m also afraid that he won’t. I was just afraid. More afraid then I’d ever known I could be.

now I knew how Oscar had died. Defending me from something awful. Sobs wracked me. “You’re okay now,” Zach whispered. “You’re fine.” But I wasn’t. Not at all.