If someone is upset but thinks that it is Abuse, the focus could instead be on understanding what it is about them that creates their overreaction; it could be Supremacy, or it could be unprocessed Trauma. For this reason, Conflict must be discussable. Accusations of Abuse cannot be substitutions for talking things through. Very little is automatically clear. As Sara Ahmed says, learning from Audre Lorde: while actually dealing with the substance of Conflict may initially feel more upsetting than repressing it, the response to high levels of distress should sometimes be to create even higher
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