Conflict Is Not Abuse: Overstating Harm, Community Responsibility, and the Duty of Repair

by Sarah Schulman

Why do we call the police? I was discussing this with a room full of people at the Vulva Club in Berlin in 2015, as part of an early presentation of ideas from this book. “If I was being stabbed and I saw a policeman, I would want him to make it stop,” I said. “But if someone stole my cell phone? Why would I call the police? What would be my fantasy behind calling the police? So that a person who could not afford the phone that I can afford should be put in a cage. Why?” One of the main reasons that people call the police, other than to stop ongoing violence, is because they are upset and they want someone else to be punished. But what is that going to give them? How many people call the police because they are angry and don’t want to deal with their own actions, behaviors, or feelings? They just want the other person to be hurt. People often call the police to get their partners or children thrown out of their mutual homes or for other incidents in which there is no violence. It is punitive against the “crime” of opposition. You want someone to do something that they don’t think is just, and so you call the police. Involved in this process is a fantasy that the police are going to take responsibility for problem-solving out of the hands of the caller. But time and time again, Americans are reminded of the fact that the people who become police officers in the United States are often absolutely incapable of problem solving.