“You make her sound unstable” is an accusation that has much greater weight than the fact that she is suffering from instability, as many of us do, and as many of our life experiences justify. So we are not allowed to understand or say openly that our friend’s instability is rooted in pain, fear of being inadequate, shame about her sexuality, or an unresolved wound from childhood. We are supposed to pretend it’s simultaneously reasonable, undiscussable, and not happening, and simply obey.
