Awareness of these distinctions gives us the chance to appreciate and enjoy the gifts of intimacy and difference, that perhaps we took for granted before, or of which we were once over-critical. Of course, some people just give up. They internalize a story about themselves that they are unlovable or incapable of loving an equal, or that they are perpetual victims, or that they “can’t do” long-term relationships, but thinking these things doesn’t make them true. In order to “protect” ourselves by keeping our lives small and shutting out intimacies, we could actually be hurting ourselves,
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