Declutter Your Mind: How to Stop Worrying, Relieve Anxiety, and Eliminate Negative Thinking

by S.J. Scott

When you listen empathically, it’s impossible to be stuck in looping thoughts or distracted by worry or regret.

In your next interaction, commit to 10 minutes of active listening where you are focused solely on the other person and what they are saying.

If your language is filled with fearful comments, self-condemnation, disparaging remarks about others, or self-pity, you do nothing more than convince others that you are a negative person to be around.

five times as many positive interactions between partners as there are negative in order for a relationship to be stable and a marriage to last.

We recommend paying close attention to what you say during a conversation, particularly in your love relationship.

Resist the temptation to simply react to someone’s words or actions. Take a moment to choose your words carefully. Speak in ways that are loving, compassionate, and respectful, and try to use a calm, non-threatening voice, even if the other person is agitated or angry.

There are three studies that support this claim.

practicing seven weeks of loving kindness meditation increased feelings of love, joy, contentment, gratitude, pride, hope, interest, amusement, and awe.

Here is a simple process for practicing this habit:

End the Comparisons to Others

Comparing ourselves unfavorably to other people is one of the major causes of mental turmoil and emotional suffering.

“Negative emotions like loneliness, envy, and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life; they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change.”

Here are three simple and short practices that can help you end the practice of comparing yourself to others:

Rather than resisting this person, lean into it. Accept it, and acknowledge that you are perfectly okay right now. Simply adopting this moment of radical self-acceptance is liberating and empowering.

You may still occasionally long for something you can’t have, but do the best you can with what you do have. Focus on your strengths and continue to practice self-acceptance.

Comparisons blind us to all that we already have. We become so focused on what someone else has and how we don’t measure up that we neglect to acknowledge all of the blessings around us. It’s a matter of choosing to see the glass half full rather than half empty—and acknowledging your gratitude for the water in the glass. When you wake up in the morning, before you get out of bed, make a mental list of everything good in your life and focus on each blessing for a minute or two. Do this before you go to sleep as well.

You replay these “mind movies” so often that you start to identify with them. Dragging the past around in this way is a heavy burden that drains you of energy and inner peace.

We can learn not to keep situations or events alive in our minds, but to return our attention continuously to the pristine, timeless present moment rather than be caught up in mental movie-making.”

Here are some ways you can clear the clutter of negative thoughts about the past:

Break the “spell” of your internal story about the past by talking about it openly.

When you empathize with the other person, it removes some of the pain or anger associated with the memory. By challenging your own beliefs and memories, you give yourself permission to view the situation from a less negative point of view.

Clinging to your anger and pain only prolongs suffering and mental distress. You forgive to set yourself free from this suffering so you can move on to live in the present with a clear mind.

But you can begin by recognizing this person is doing the best they know how with the skills they possess.

When you find yourself ruminating about their past offenses, shift your thoughts away from them and to yourself. Acknowledge your feelings without blaming the other person for them. Ask yourself, “What have I learned from this? How can I use it to improve myself?”

You’ll

likely come up with many reasons why you behaved as you did, and perhaps have some legitimate rationalizations for your actions. But if there is any part of your behavior that was wrong, you must accept it and forgive yourself for it.

Rather than beating yourself up over past relationship mistakes, try to honor the past and see your actions as a blessing. They were part of who you were at the time, and you needed to learn from them. Now you can move on and forgive yourself, knowing who you want to be and how you want to behave.

Practicing mindfulness in your love relationship gives you a tool for strengthening your intimate connection while reducing stress and angst in your life.

mindfulness as paying attention to the present moment with intention, while letting go of judgment.

You may need reminders in several places in the house when you begin this practice.

It generally doesn’t mean offering suggestions or ways to “fix” a situation unless your partner asks for that.

presence means you listen without preparing your response or defense.

The willingness to reflect back to your partner the words you hear from them shows that you are actively listening.

It opens dialog for clarification and invites discussion about mutual resolution and understanding.

When you have an issue with your spouse, rather than taking a jab at them or making a disparaging comment, turn back to the

practice of mindfulness. Pay attention to your emotions and wait until you are calm and less defensive before initiating a conversation.

Rather than stewing in your angry juices after a conflict, ask yourself these questions:

Is it possible that I’m not entirely right? Is my partner’s perspective valid to some extent?

Your answers to these questions will foster healing and self-awareness, and allow you to break free from the inner critic who keeps you agitated and angry.

The more emotional intimacy you share with your partner, the more you insulate your relationship from the conflicts that create suffering for you both.

Putting in this effort is an investment in your peace of mind and mental clarity.

Sometimes the only course of action is to say goodbye to those who continue to undermine your mental and emotional health.

At some point in one of these relationships, you will reach the point where the pain and difficulty outweigh the positives—where the fallout of letting go seems less daunting than the misery of staying put.

But, there are some universal themes of discord in any kind of relationship that reveal it’s time to say goodbye. These include:

Verbal, emotional, or physical abuse

Consistent dishonesty, disloyalt...

General toxicity, negativity,

You may come to a point where you simply don’t wish to deal with the emotional clutter and chaos another person creates in your life.

Here are some thoughts on how to remove yourself from a draining or painful relationship:

Consider the positives of life without