Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

by Shannon Thomas

They are people who have learned to overcome an insidious form of abuse.

Any personal growth that comes after abuse is a testimony to the strength of the survivor.

“I just wanted a soul mate. I didn’t want a degree in psychology.”

more survivors

out there who understand psychological abuse than there are therapists who really “get it.”

The core inherent faulty thinking of abusers is that everything revolves around them.

covert nature of hidden abuse is very difficult to put into words.

they do end up sitting on a therapist’s couch, it is most likely because someone forced them there, or they were coming to convince the therapist they are not the problem. As

person who was intended to be the safe harbor in their life is actually silently drowning them.

survivor ends up looking like the “crazy one,”

never underestimate a psychological abuser’s ability to hide the truth. They are not even honest

with themselves and truly believe th...

price may even be the target’s self-worth and safety. If the

vicious cycle

extreme highs and lows of a psychologically abusive relationship often mirror that of addictions.

lows include intense anxiety an...

highs are a rush of a...

tactic is done to keep the target off balance and addicted to the high moments.

pushing the survivors to the brink of instability.

deteriorating the person’s self-esteem through the emotional game of abandonment.

passive-aggressive.

survivors wonder if they are being too sensitive or insecure.

Checking out and emotionally withdrawing are ways psychological abusers like to maintain their dominanc...

after the survivor was fully committed (or trapped) is when the mask fell.

Psychological abusers are known for becoming jealous of any attention not being given to them.

“You’re not meeting my needs,”

“All couples have problems.”

survivor feel like she or he is overreacting and being too sensitive.

hateful and stinging words of a psychologically abusive parent can linger in the mind of an adult child long after the adult has left home.

make terrible parents.

Abusers create valid resentments.

they wonder why they have no authentic relationship with their adult child.

Siblings often will be pitted against each other.

“pseudomutality,”

The façade presented to the world is a close-knit family, but the reality is a shallow and destructive unit.

Toxic families can find strength in their numbers.

“Us versus Them”

Recognizing the abuse and not personalizing the dysfunction is one of the first steps towards recovery.

Psychologically abusive families can never be without a targeted victim. Otherwise, they would have to look at their own individual issues and deal with them. That is not likely to happen.

the targeted family member. The way divide and conquer is used within a toxic family system is often very covert; it will look innocent, but be assured it is not done out of naivety.

They lure members to stay in a dysfunctional and abusive environment by using pleasant things as enticements.

Another carrot dangled is obligation.

when we are raised in environments that teach us to ignore our safety and well-being.

Belonging is at the core of our human experience.

survivor who is isolated (whether in physical or emotional distance) from his or her family of origin will experience profound grieving.

cautious about things that have to do with Christianity?

They are doing a lot of harm in the process – damaging people who are trying to find God in the blur of modern life.

ignore red flags that are present. When church leadership fails, or flat out refuses, to recognize abusive people, the leaders are further abusing survivors by omission.

The perfect target is the messenger of the truth.

so healing can happen.