Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

by Shannon Thomas

Spiritual Abuse.

questioning their faith as a result of the harmful actions perpetrated.

Regardless of how a survivor is experiencing the abuse, the toll it takes physically and emotionally can still be the same.

Abusers like to target people who have something they do not or cannot possess themselves.

missed by survivors because in the middle of the abuse, they see themselves as broken.

Psychological abusers like people who make them look or feel good. Much like leeches, they attach themselves to people who give them sustenance of some sort. Once they have had their fill, the abuser will begin the process of destroying the qualities of the survivor that produce jealous feelings in the abuser. Since toxic people cannot possess certain positive attributes, they do not want the survivor to have them either.

their confusion about why they did not notice the red flags sooner in the relationship.

Almost all survivors seriously doubt themselves for not seeing the toxicity sooner.

that is what makes it so insidious.

The two favorites are the truth about the survivor’s insecurities, or the truth regarding the survivor’s own areas of growth.

They are trying to get the survivor to take all the blame for the conflict and relational issues.

Each one of us is more likely to believe someone when they point out our flaws and can connect what we know to be true about our character defects with their complaints of us. It is the perfect set up for the survivor to take the responsibility and allow the abuser to be completely off the hook.

critical to a survivor’s recovery.

Psychological abusers do not take responsibility for their actions, so that must be flung onto someone else.

when they say, “If only…” Toxic people like to accuse survivors of being selfish.

Survivors can spend excessive amounts of time trying to explain precisely what the toxic person has done that is abnormal.

never take lasting responsibility for their behaviors.

grossly over-inflated egos make them believe that even the most minor correction, or disagreement, with the toxic person’s opinion is a huge sign of disrespect.

Survivors are wise to not fall into the trap of second guessing all of their actions because it is likely they could never show enough agreement to please a truly toxic person.

Survivors in recovery come to realize that just because an abuser says the survivor’s actions are disrespectf...

development of personality disorders.

correct a very common misconception: personality disorders are not the same classification of mental health disorders, such as Bipolar Disorder or Major Depressive Disorder. Recently, I was horrified to read a blog post that was completely misguided about the true nature of the “disorder” part of narcissistic and anti-social disorders.

discriminating against disordered people.

People are not born personality disordered,

Personality disorders are created during childhood and adolescence through a lack of healthy

attachments to their primary caregivers.

lack of true attachment can occur through emotional neglect during childhood and then teen years.

there may have been other forms of neglect that included fake connections that ran deep within the family unit. This

Many individuals grew up in homes that were not loving and yet, they have maintained high levels of empathy and care for other people. Toxic individuals who did not have caregivers meet their need for authentic attachment decided once they were old enough to meet their own needs, it became a game of “getting mine” at all costs. These folk also have developed a high level of entitlement, but not because they were raised that way.

They view life as owing them, and their insatiable appetite causes them to want more of whatever other people have to offer.

truth is they continue to sustain their harmful behaviors through free will.

Many people grew up in homes that did not meet their needs or were overindulgent to the point of dysfunctional.

People come into adulthood with all sorts of misconceptions fr...

must rewire these beliefs in order to have heal...

Why can’t narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths do the same thing? They will not simply because

they have so thoroughly convinced themselves there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Nothing.

true therapeutic work is never sustained.

these individuals do not want to change.

There is a huge difference between having character defects that must be dealt with and exhibiting the qualities of a personality disordered person.

all have the ability to be completely self-serving, act manipulatively, be snarky to a stranger, snap at our kids, slam doors in the middle of an adult temper tantrum, or seek our own self-preservation at the expense of someone else?

“toddler-esque” meltdown is over, we feel bad.

being normally empathetic human beings who can reflect on our ridiculous behaviors.

Narcissists cannot do that. Sociopaths and psychopaths cannot do that.

They cannot, will not, and do not desire to be ...

Codependency involves an unhealthy enmeshment that occurs between two people. It

usually happens in relationships where one person enables the other individual to make poor choices. People

Empath is a personality type, and it has many bea...

Boundaries are the foundation for regulating a high degree of compassion for other people.

One of the most common character traits I have witnessed among survivors is their ability and desire to be self-reflective. As a generalization, most survivors are able to critically look at their own behaviors and motives.

Some survivors of psychological abuse find themselves taking on a few of the negative traits of an abuser.