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One of the most pleasant thoughts to any human being is the thought that he is needed, that he is important enough to help and add to the happiness of some other human being.
Happiness Is a Mental Habit Which Can Be Cultivated and Developed
Much of this habitual unhappiness-reaction originated because of some event which we interpreted as a blow to our self-esteem.
“Men are disturbed,” said the sage, “not by things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen.”
one of the things that helped me was that I kept reminding myself that all these “impossibles” were opinions, not facts. I not only managed to reach my goals—but I was happy in the process—even when I had to pawn my overcoat to buy medical books, and do without lunch in order to purchase cadavers.
Like in Rich Dad & Poor Dad
happiness requires problems, plus a mental attitude that is ready to meet distress with action toward a solution.
Form the habit of reacting aggressively and positively toward threats and problems. Form the habit of keeping goal-oriented all the time, regardless of what happens. Do this by practicing a positive aggressive attitude,
“Let him summon those finer feelings of benevolence and usefulness, which are called up only now and then. Let him make this a regular exercise like swinging dumbbells.
Our habits are literally garments worn by our personalities. They are not accidental, or happenstance. We have them because they fit us. They are consistent with our self-image and our entire personality pattern. When we consciously and deliberately develop new and better habits, our self-image tends to outgrow the old habits and grow into the new pattern.
Fully 95 per cent of our behavior, feeling, and response is habitual.
Shit, tattoo this in your head!!!
S–ense of direction U–nderstanding C–ourage C–harity E–steem S–elf-Confidence S–elf-Acceptance.
“A bicycle maintains its poise and equilibrium only so long as it is going forward towards something. You have a good bicycle. Your trouble is you are trying to maintain your balance sitting still, with no place to go. It’s no wonder you feel shaky.”
When you’re not goal-striving, not looking forward, you’re not really “living.” In addition to your purely personal goals, have at least one impersonal goal—or “cause” which you can identify yourself with.
no one reacts to “things as they are,” but to his own mental images.
“How does this appear—to him?” “How does he interpret this situation?” “How does he feel about it?” Try to understand why he might “act the way he does.”
Prescription: Look for and seek out true information concerning yourself, your problems, other people, or the situation, whether it is good news or bad news.
Faith and courage are natural human instincts and we feel a need to express them—in one way or another. Prescription: Be willing to make a few mistakes, to suffer a little pain to get what you want.
It is a psychologic fact that our feelings about ourselves tend to correspond to our feelings about other people. When a person begins to feel more charitably about others, he invariably begins to feel more charitably toward himself.
The person with adequate self-esteem doesn’t feel hostile toward others, he isn’t out to prove anything, he can see facts more clearly, isn’t as demanding in his claims on other people.
If we will systematically relive our brave moments in memory, he says, we will be surprised to see we had more courage than we thought. Dr. Overholser recommends the practice of vividly remembering our past successes and brave moments as an invaluable aid whenever self-confidence is shaken.
There is no use straining to “be somebody.” You are what you are—now.
The Actual Self is necessarily imperfect. Throughout life it is always moving toward an ideal goal, but never arriving.
Accept yourself as you are—and start from there. Learn to emotionally tolerate imperfection in yourself. It is necessary to intellectually recognize our shortcomings, but disastrous to hate ourselves because of them. Differentiate between your “self” and your behavior. “You” are not ruined or worthless because you made a mistake or got off course, any more than a typewriter is worthless which makes an error, or a violin which sounds a sour note. Don’t hate yourself because you’re not perfect.
I might have gotten off the track, I may have a long way to go—but I am something and I will make the most of that something.”
Or, if his goals are unrealistic and impossible, the solution of this type person, when he meets defeats, is to “try harder than ever.” When he finds that he is butting his head up against a stone wall, he unconsciously figures that the solution to his problem is to butt his head even harder.
The next time someone is rude to you in traffic, try this: Instead of becoming aggressive and thus a menace yourself, say to yourself: “The poor fellow has nothing against me personally. Maybe his wife burned the toast this morning, he can’t pay the rent, or his boss chewed him out.”
All types of physical exercise are excellent for draining off aggression. Long brisk walks, push-ups, dumbbell exercises, are good. Especially good are those games where you hit or smash something—golf, tennis, bowling, punching the bag.
If you feel that you do not “measure up” to what is required, you feel insecure. A great deal of insecurity is not due to the fact that our inner resources are actually inadequate, but due to the fact that we use a false measuring stick.
If you are perfect and superior now—then there is no need to fight, grapple and try. In fact, if you are caught trying real hard, it may be considered evidence that you are not superior—so you “don’t try.” You lose your fight—your Will to Win.
Doing things with other people and enjoying things with other people, helps us to forget ourselves. In stimulating conversation, in dancing, playing together, or in working together for a common goal, we become interested in something other than maintaining our own shams and pretenses.
Regardless of your feelings, force yourself to mix and mingle with other people. After the first cold plunge, you will find yourself warming up and enjoying it if you persist. Develop some social skill that will add to the happiness of other people: dancing, bridge, playing the piano, tennis, conversation.
Use self-esteem for yourself, instead of against yourself, by convincing yourself of this truth: Big men and big personalities make mistakes and admit them. It is the little man who is afraid to admit he has been wrong.
Resentment is an emotional rehashing, or re-fighting of some event in the past. You cannot win, because you are attempting to do the impossible—change the past.
A person who has the capacity to enjoy still alive within him finds enjoyment in many ordinary and simple things in life. He also enjoys whatever success in a material way he has achieved.
Real success never hurt anyone. Striving for goals which are important to you, not as status symbols, but because they are consistent with your own deep inner wants, is healthful. Striving for real success—for your success—through creative accomplishment, brings a deep inner satisfaction. Striving for a phony success to please others brings a phony satisfaction.
“negative thinking” can work for us to lead us to success, if: (1) We are sensitive to the negative to the extent that it can alert us to danger. (2) We recognize the negative for what it is—something undesirable—something we don’t want—something that does not bring genuine happiness. (3) We take immediate corrective action and substitute an opposite factor from the Success Mechanism. Such practice will in time create a sort of automatic reflex which becomes a part of our inner guidance system. Negative feedback will act as a sort of automatic control, to help us “steer clear” of failure and
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They see themselves as liked, wanted, acceptable and able individuals. They have a high degree of acceptance of themselves as they are. They have a feeling of oneness with others. They have a rich store of information and knowledge.
It is a well-known psychologic fact that the people who become offended the easiest, have the lowest self-esteem.
A big strong man does not feel threatened by a small danger; a little man does.
Develop a more self-reliant attitude. Assume responsibility for your own life and emotional needs. Try giving affection, love, approval, acceptance, understanding, to other people, and you will find them coming back to you as a sort of reflex action.
We “take” the remark in the wrong way, become offended and hurt, and an emotional scar begins to form. This simple, everyday experience illustrates very well the principle that we are injured and hurt emotionally—not so much by other people or what they say or don’t say—but by our own attitude and our own response.
we can make no response; remain relaxed and feel no hurt. Scientific experiments have shown that it is absolutely impossible to feel fear, anger, anxiety, or negative emotions of any kind while the muscles of the body are kept perfectly relaxed.
Forgiveness, when it is real and genuine and complete, and forgotten—is the scalpel which can remove the pus from old emotional wounds, heal them, and eliminate scar tissue.
So remember “You” make mistakes. Mistakes don’t make “You”—anything.
So, why not give yourself a face lift? Your do-it-yourself kit consists of relaxation of negative tensions to prevent scars, therapeutic forgiveness to remove old scars, providing yourself with a tough (but not a hard) epidermis instead of a shell, creative living, a willingness to be a little vulnerable, and a nostalgia for the future instead of the past.
We must have negative feedback in order to operate purposely, in order to steer our way, or be guided to a goal.
Negative feedback does not say, “stop—period!” It says, “What you are doing is wrong,” but it does not say, “it is wrong to do anything.” Yet, where negative feedback is excessive, or where our own mechanism is too sensitive to negative feedback, the result is not modification of response—but total inhibition of response.
However, if negative feedback is to be effective in helping us to talk better, it should (1) be more or less automatic or subconscious, (2) it should occur spontaneously, or while we’re talking and (3) response to feedback should not be so sensitive as to result in inhibition.
When there was no time for worry, or too much “carefulness” in advance, expression immediately improved. This gives us a valuable clue as to how we may disinhibit or release a locked up personality, and improve performance in other areas.
