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Fern’s speed comes from the fact that she’s not human. She’s a Sylph, a humanoid cryptid capable of modifying her own body density, which makes her ultra-fast when she’s ultra-light, and an incredible blocker when she’s ultra-heavy, since people slam into this skinny little slip of a girl, expecting to knock her out of the way, only to discover that they’ve actually run into an immovable object. It’s comedy gold every time.
“HAIL!” shouted the mice. “HAIL THE RETURN OF THE PRECISE AND POLYCHROMATIC PRIESTESSES!”
I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want anyone else to go in my place. Brains are complicated sometimes.
I could kill, if I had to, if the danger was great enough. That didn’t make me a killer. It made me a survivor.
I was a hundred miles past done, cresting into the Fjords of Nope, heading for Fuck-That-Ville.
I was starting to feel like I’d fallen into a really weird BBC production, probably scripted by Neil Gaiman, possibly featuring half the cast of Downton Abbey. If someone walked by in a bonnet, there was a strong chance I was going to scream.
“I thought it would be more like the movies. I’d show up, and say ‘monsters are bad,’ and you’d hand me a crossbow or something.” “Joss Whedon has so very much to answer for,”
Being the good daughter that everyone thinks of as the bad daughter sucks.
“If I were an actual spider-centaur, I’d go to Comic-Con as the Stalk from Saga and get my picture taken with every famous person I could find.”
Life is weird enough without needing to decide on the fly whether or not it’s really happening.
“Are you a pretty princess?” “I am the prettiest fucking princess you are ever going to see,” I replied.
“Well, I don’t know if you were aware, but . . .” Sam leaned conspiratorially close, and whispered, “There’s a carnival in town.” I blinked. And then I grinned.
When it came to guys, I was too loud, too aggressive, too sarcastic—too me. Boys wanted delicate and dainty and flirty and fun.
“You must speak. If you do not speak, she cannot know, for did not the Thoughtful Priestess say We Are Not All Mind-Readers Here, We Leave That To Sarah?”
(Aeslin mice have a longer gestation time than normal mice, and tend to only have one or two babies at a time. They also don’t eat them. Aeslin mice are much better than normal mice.)
My theory of combat is simple: keep it as far away from myself as I can. I am a soft, squishy creature, with lots of moving pieces, and I want to keep all those moving pieces safely contained inside my skin.
“First the gun, now whatever the hell this is—is this how you normally rearm yourself?” he asked. “You punch people and take whatever they drop?” “It works in video games!”
