Joshua (The Mitchell/Healy Family #10)

by Jennifer Foor

“Every man I’ve ever cared about has let me down, my father included.” “Wow. Really?”

There’s only one problem with knowing this; she’ll never be Liv, and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, or one that could rip our new friendship to shreds.

Josh's sister Cassie is a detective and her new husband is now an FBI profiler.

She spoke highly of her daughter Cammie, who now has two children and a degree in internal medicine.

Callie cuts hair with her mom occasionally, but stays home for the most part since her husband recently got a...

She’s the ultimate distraction from everything negative I have going on with my life. I’m starting to wonder if all the negative could have been left behind a long time ago, especially when I’m having this much fun.

While she follows behind me, my mind travels to the last time I brought a female back in these parts. Liv. My memories of her refuse to fade.

I’ve compared her to every single female I’ve ever been involved with. She’s untouchable for me.

She’s everything Liv isn’t. We’re friends, which is a lot more than I can say for Olivia Parrish.

“That was the first night we slept together. To this day Wes doesn’t know. He’s my best friend in the world, but I couldn’t tell him I slept with his younger sister.”

The older we got, the more she made it clear I was her toy and nothing more. I let that bitch walk all over me and she knew it. I’d kept the relationship a secret for far too long, so I did what I thought would bring her back to me.”

“Livvy was your first love.” I hate hearing her say it, which tells me more than I was bargaining for.

“Yeah. She’s my first everything, Tamsyn.” I squeeze her hand to remind her Liv isn’t with us. “She’s the reason I’ve never settled down.” “God, that’s awful.”

God, I’m in awe. Any other chick would be freaking out to fall into an old pond in the fall at that, but not this girl. She’s awesome. I wait until she’s back in my arms to speak. “Is it weird that I think you’re as cool as a dude?”

Josh reacts quickly. “Shut your mouth. I ain’t having kids for a long time.”

It’s been over a month since we started dating each other, and not one of those days have I ever considered being with anyone else. She gets me.

“No. Cam and Wes invited me over. Actually, I’m babysitting for a few hours while they go somewhere.”

My girlfriend will be home in six days.

“Hey handsome. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?” “Liv?” I smack myself in the face to make sure this isn’t a dream. “What’s wrong? Hard to believe I’m here?”

She takes her hand and tries to touch my cheek. I swat it away, my eyes wide and expressing my animosity. “You and I both know you’ll never be over me. You might think you are, but the moment I leave again you’ll be wishing you had another chance.”

“It’s always been you. Maybe I needed you to love someone else to see it, but it’s true. I can’t believe this. Her of all people.” She’s crying now. I’m pissed, but feel bad at the same time.

“No. I don’t.” I shake my head. “I’m not using her. I love her. I’m in love with her, Liv.” It comes out easily this time. “No.” Her head is shaking and she’s pacing around me. “No. You love me. You’ve always loved me.” “I thought I did. Things change.”

Did you figure you could show up and have your way with me again after all the time that’s past? You’re a fucking joke.” “You can’t blame me for trying.” She shrugs. “It’s always worked before.”

She told me to wait for her, only to run off and start a life without me. I can’t forgive that. I’ll never be able to get over it, not completely. Because of her, I turned to drugs and alcohol, not to mention the sex I sought out to get from random strangers.

When I say I left my fiancé, what I mean is that I caught him screwing his assistant the day after my very first showcase.

Joshua Healy was my first. I love him, but I knew he had the potential to hold me back from everything I've ever wanted for myself, so I let him go. I told him lies and acted like he meant nothing to me. It was the only way. He had to hate me enough to let me go or else one phone call and I'd come running back to him.

Now I've made a fool of myself, not just once but twice. Josh doesn't want me anymore. I'm a mess. It's not fair. How could he love her of all people? How could he refuse me? Why?

Now I’m desperate, willing to go to extremes to prove he still has feelings for me.

A knock distracts me. It’s my mom. She opens the door further to show me Olivia Parrish is standing beside her.

It’s not until I make sure the call has ended that I turn my attention back to Liv. My mom is gone. I double check before giving her a piece of my mind. “Why the hell are you here?”

“We’re not kids anymore, Liv.” I hear shuffling, but choose to ignore her to play my game, up until she’s standing in front of the screen in nothing but a pair of lace panties. No clothes. No bra. Just the skimpiest of panties. “Look at me, Josh.”

“Don’t do this to me. Please go away. I don’t want to hurt Tamsyn. I promised.” “My sweet Joshua, she never has to know.”

This is tearing me apart. For years I’ve wanted this. I’ve waited patiently. I’ve done everything in order to be free when she came to her senses, up until a month or so ago. Now my life is headed in another direction.

“So she’s back and she wants you?” “Apparently.” “But you love Tamsyn?” “That’s what I said.” “And you still love Liv?” “You’re fucking genius, Jax. Tell me something I don’t know.”

Jake comes up and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Tell that bitch to take a hike and stick with Tamsyn. You’ve got something good. Don’t fuck it up.”

“I told Liv to leave me alone.” “Then you’re good.” “She was naked in my room when I left. She’s probably still there.”

A goodbye fuck could ruin everything you have with Tamsyn.

My dad nods. He gets it. “Your mother and I like Tamsyn. She’s a good girl. I hope you continue to make the right choice. It would be a shame to see her go.”

“I’m not Tamsyn,” the voice responds clearly. My eyes open and I’m pinned down by Liv. I’m trying to sit up, but laugh at myself when I’m unable to. “Let me go. It’s not funny. How did you get here? Mom said you’re not allowed near me.” “Your mom isn’t here. It’s just us now, Josh. No more lies. I need you.”

She tries to kiss me and I turn my head. “Josh, I need you. Please don’t do this to me.” She’s crying. “I need you. I need you to come back to me. It’s always been you, baby. I’m sorry I hurt you. We can be good again. This time we won’t have to hide. We’ll make it official. Be with me, Joshua Healy. Come back to me.”

“Forgive me.” She places my hands on her hips and begins rocking. “Love me, Josh. It’s always been us. Remember our first time? You told me if I slept with you that you’d promise to marry me one day. I’m holding you to that promise, baby. I’m coming home to make things right.

“Please don’t make me do this. I’m weak when it comes to you, Liv. She’ll never forgive me if I fuck you.” “You won’t need her now that I’m back.”

I can’t stop myself. I know it’s wrong, and that it shouldn’t happen, but I’m helpless. She’s in my arms again. I’m pushing her up against the barn, lifting her while she’s reaching down and unfastening my belt. I’m angry. I loathe what I’m doing, but I have to fuck her.

Wtf

The damage is done. It’s too late to take it back. I’m banging Liv up against the old barn where we’ve spent plenty of nights together.

I’m confused. “I slept like shit. I had a dream I cheated on Tamsyn. No more bourbon before bed.” It’s not until I stand up that I realize something is off. My belt is missing.

Before she comes home, I’m going to have to face Liv and figure out what the hell happened, if anything.

“No. Shut the fuck up and listen for once. We are nothing. I have a girlfriend that I adore. Last night was a big fucking mistake. I won’t let you take her from me. Please, if you ever gave a shit about me, you’ll let me be happy.”

Anything I felt for you ended last night when you took advantage of me. You manipulated me while I was intoxicated. What kind of sick and pathetic person does that?”

Each day that passes gets a little easier, but no better. I’m lying. I’ve cheated. I had unprotected sex with Liv while my girlfriend was out of the country.

I stop moving my hand. “Joshua Healy, are you asking me to move in officially?”