Steadfast (True North, #2)

by Sarina Bowen

Cravings Meter: 1 for drugs. 9 for Sophie

I laughed, because it was either that or cry. If he sold the garage, I’d have literally no place to go.

“Nickel Auto Body,” I said into the receiver. Now the place would never be Nickel and Son.

Every minute I didn’t worry about my future I spent worrying about Sophie. I wondered where she was and what she was doing.

Ruthie Shipley had sent me home from dinner last night with what she called “leftovers” but that looked suspiciously like a big shopping bag full of food.

Does your girlfriend use drugs?” I laughed out loud. “God, no.”

Sophie was perfect. It was me who was the problem.

And that’s the thing—losing Sophie was pretty much the worst thing that could happen to me. Yet I wasn’t cruising the streets of Colebury for a hit right now. I was handling my bitterness the same way other people did. By being a grumpy asshole, basically.

“You’re doing great, Jude. Keep up the good work.” “Thanks.” God, it was embarrassing how much I enjoyed hearing that praise.

Sophie might not be happy with me right now, but I needed to know if I could trust myself without her.

one cloudy January afternoon I found a PayPal notification. “Jude Nickel has sent you $2147.” There was one line of text to explain. He’d written, “From Porsche parts sold. For your music school fund.”

“Good news! I’ve found a private donor to help cover your out-of-pocket costs.”

I got the crepedilla because it was always fun to try to pronounce it.

My eyes snagged on the words ineligible for organ donation. And then I saw why. Gavin’s tox screen revealed Oxycodone, too. And not a small amount.

I’d been happy with Jude.

he never misses an opportunity to make sure I know that the wrong kid died.

“Heyyy Jude,” sang Griff to the Beatles tune. “I’ll bet he’s never heard that one before,” Audrey said drily.

“Have you met our friend, Zara?” Griffin asked. “I’m Audrey’s friend,” Zara corrected. “Griffin I could take or leave.”

“Who says it’s a girl?” Griff demanded. “Who says it’s not?” Audrey challenged, giving her man a big, teasing smile. He gave her a hot look, and I had to look away. Those two had what Sophie and I used to have—love, passion and the promise of more to come.

Zara set her water glass down with a thunk. “I’d never have a job again if confession was a requirement.” “You’re not mean!” Audrey cried. “You’re the nicest person in Vermont.”

Her instructions didn’t leave any room for argument—she just ordered me to show up. That pissed me off for about two seconds, maybe three. Then I spent the next twenty-four hours counting down until I could see Sophie, if only for a few minutes.

She looked ridiculously beautiful

“Can you hear Mama’s voice? Hi, Samantha. How is Samantha today?” Suddenly, the toddler’s whole body jerked with surprise.

She lifted one stubby hand up to her mother’s mouth and patted her lips. Her mother laughed and cried at the same time. “She can! She can hear me. Finally.”

It was the first time I’d heard Sophie sing in more than three years.

The first time I ever heard her sing we were really just kids. Right away I’d wanted to be a man for her—to take good care of all that beauty.

She walked into this building every day and helped people find their own miracles. She’d been trying to help me find mine, too. Like a jackass, I hadn’t let her. Shit.

“You paid for that,” she whispered. “But you made it happen. You kill me, baby. Every day.”

“I’m sorry,” I gasped. “Why?” “I didn’t think I deserved you. Fuck, I still don’t. But maybe it isn’t about that.”

“Maybe you also didn’t deserve a pack of shitty friends who told you it was a good idea to snort your first pill.” Not a bad point, really.

“The only thing I have ever been afraid of is losing you.” Sophie snorted into my shirt. “So why did you say we couldn’t be together?” She didn’t add “dumbass” to the end of that sentence, but I heard it anyway.

You were the best thing that ever happened to me,

“I need you, dumbass.” There it was. I laughed.

“Don’t run away from me again, Jude Nickel.” “I won’t. It doesn’t fucking work, either.

“Even when you’re not perfect, you’re still mine.”

I love you, Sophie. Always have.” “I love you, too.”

I could hold her all day.

I was ready to admit that I wanted to be with Sophie

As he took his first bite, Jude’s feet captured mine under the table. He and I were due for some peaceful, sunlit moments together.

“What?” he asked, wiping his mouth. “Did I get mayo somewhere mayo shouldn’t be?” “No,” I whispered. “You’re just beautiful, that’s all.”

My neck did its tingling thing now, because I wasn’t sure that anyone sitting at this table actually knew who had been behind that wheel.

“Yeah. He changed my radio. You know how nuts I used to get when somebody fiddled with my car.” “Shit,” I whispered. “What’s the matter?” “He had a thing about the car stereo—that the driver picks the tunes. He was really rigid about it.”

“We can move here to Montpelier.” “Together?” My heart lifted.

“You look adorable in that hat,” Jude said, giving me a flirty smile. “It’s very…kindergarten,” he teased. “Don’t mock the dinosaur hat.”

He kissed my nose and pulled me into a hug. That’s when I knew for sure we’d be okay.

Jude came back to work at the Community Dinner. My silent hallelujahs were not the holy kind. In celebration, I’d worn very naughty panties and a tiny push-up bra under my clothes and couldn’t wait to show them off.

I’d never once been afraid of his touch, even when I was a bumbling virgin. He watched me so carefully. He saw me.

A beat later, we rolled toward one another at the same moment, meeting in the middle, my nose at his neck. His arms folded me into his chest. Love you, thudded my heart against his. Likewise, his replied.

“Listen—if you’re working for me, and you get your one year chip from NA, I’ll give you a bonus.”

I’m going to make it to one year and then keep on going.” I hadn’t ever announced that out loud before, but it felt good to hear myself say it.