More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (More Than Two Essentials)

by Franklin Veaux

Relationships that last a long time are called successes, without regard to misery, and those that end are called failures, without regard to happiness.

Worthiness is not the same as validation. A sense of self-worth comes from within, not from someone else. It can be tempting to look to the outside for validation—to look to your partner and say, “She loves me, therefore I am worthy.” That creates fear rather than reducing fear, because when we rely on outside things in order to feel worthy, we fear losing them all the more.

It’s hard to set boundaries in a relationship you feel you can’t live without, because setting boundaries means admitting there are things that might end your relationship.

Surely the most ubiquitous misunderstanding of love is “love hurts.” Loving never hurts—it’s wanting others to be different from how they are, and not getting what you want, that we find so painful. christopher wallis

When a marriage ends in divorce, we say that it’s failed. The marriage was a failure. Why? Because both parties got out alive. It doesn’t matter if the parting is amicable, it doesn’t matter if the exes are happier apart, it doesn’t matter if two happy marriages take the place of one unhappy marriage. A marriage that ends in divorce failed. Only a marriage that ends with someone in the cooler down at Maloney’s is a success.