More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (More Than Two Essentials)

by Franklin Veaux

Loving more than one person at the same time is not an escape from intimacy; it is an enthusiastic embrace of intimacy.

At the end of the day, the best measure of a relationship isn’t how complicated it is, but rather how much joy, hope, delight, support and love it brings. Sure, polyamory can be complicated—but where’s the virtue in a simple life?

We keep hearing that polyamory is hard work. We don’t agree—at least not for the reasons that people say. But developing the skills to be successful in poly relationships? That’s a different story. Learning to understand and express your needs, learning to take responsibility for your emotions…that’s hard work. Once you’ve developed those skills, poly relationships aren’t hard.

Understanding and programming your own mind is your responsibility; if you fail to do this, the world will program it for you, and you’ll end up in the relationship other people think you should have, not the relationship you want.

The single hardest thing to do to change your self-image is to realize that you have the choice. The rest gets easier.

Practicing security means continually turning toward the best version of yourself. Each belief about yourself that you choose to hold onto, in each moment, is a step toward or away from the person you want to be. As Canadian entrepreneur Lynn Robinson says, “Our beliefs about ourselves are all made up. So it’s a good idea to make up some good ones.”

Living in fear won’t stop us from losing what we love, it will only stop us from enjoying it.

Know that you are lucky to have people in your life with the power to break your heart, because it means you have love.

We do not, by and large, have the right to expect things of people without their consent. We cannot be angry at someone for failing to do something she did not agree to do in the first place.

Problem is, one of the most basic rules of life is that you cannot get what you want if you don’t ask for what you want.