Broken

by Nicola Haken

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

I am a swan as I make my way to the middle of the floor; kicking and struggling beneath the surface, poised and confident above.

“Stay with me, Theodore,” he murmurs. “No matter how hard I push, stay with me. Believe in me.” His tone is so raw, so powerful, and I can’t prevent the tear that leaks from the corner of my eye. Hovering my face just inches from his, I cup his cheek, stroking softly with my thumb. “Always.” There isn’t a choice. I belong to James Holden. I can try to fight it, but the truth is this beautiful, haunted man, has owned me since the first time I looked into his eyes.

The mind is life’s most powerful tool…and also the most fragile.

As Peter must’ve said a thousand times, broken crayons can still colour.

I love him with all my heart. He saved my life. He continues to save it every single day. He’s my hope, my strength, my reason to carry on. He’s the best friend I always imagined having. He’s my everything.

When you’re living with mental illness, there is no happily ever after, like the kind we write about every day. Instead, we look forward to future days spent basking in the most dazzling light, followed by ones drowning in the deepest depths of darkness. There is only one constant, one guarantee, no matter which day we face. Love. A love so powerful it will carry us through. We will survive. Together.