The Wall of Winnipeg and Me

by Mariana Zapata

What no one tells you is that the road to accomplishing your goals isn’t a straight line; it looks more like a corn maze. You stopped, you went, you backed up, and took a few wrong turns along the way, but the important thing you had to remember was that there was an exit. Somewhere.

When life gives you lemons, you get to choose what you make out of them; it doesn’t always have to be lemonade.

“No,” I replied with a little smirk on my face. “Dinner Roll is leaving now. Please make sure to tell Aiden later on when no one else is around that I said he can eat shit.”

I hope they both got syphilis.

“It’s illegal.” “In that case, make sure you don’t get caught.” Okay, Aiden Junior, I thought before she continued on.

When I was a kid, I learned the hard way how expensive the truth was. Sometimes it cost you people in your life. Sometimes it cost you things in your life. And in this life, most people were too cheap to pay the price for something as valuable as honesty.

Mr. and Mrs. Graves. Diana’s favorite saying described the situation perfectly: Shit just got real.

“Mr. Graves, I can settle your visit with your assistant if you’d like to take a seat,” the receptionist said in a sugary sweet voice, her green eyes flicking to my direction briefly. Aiden settled for shrugging a shoulder as he turned his body to face me. Nothing about his expression or body language gave me a warning. “She’s my wife.”

Previsível porém amo

The man I’d seen kind of, sort of, maybe smile a couple of times, had a tentative grin crack across his mouth. The expression on his face completely caught me off guard. For a man who never, ever physically reacted even when he won a game, his smile… Heaven help me. It was beautiful. There was no other word to describe it. It was like a double rainbow. Better than a double rainbow. I felt stunned. Rooted in place forever.

He could take his real wife and shove her up his ass.

He, inded, messed things up

Aiden: I could get you tickets now. All you have to do is tell me. There was something about the fact he said ‘tell me’ and not ‘ask’ that made me grin.

“What the hell, Aid? I’ve tried calling you a dozen times,” Trevor’s slightly higher tone started. What did our household smart-ass respond with? “I know. I have caller ID.”

“Don’t presume you know anything, because you don’t. You don’t know anything about me, or Vanessa. And if she is pregnant, don’t make that fucking face unless you’re ready for the consequences.” Uh… he’d said the ‘F’ word, hadn’t he? I hadn’t been imagining it? “She’s my wife, and all she’s ever done was watch out for me. Don’t go there, Trevor. You don’t want to go there, understand me?” I was so freaking making him dinner. Maybe even lunch too.

Those underused corners of his mouth tipped up just a little—just a freaking little—but it was what it was. He’d smiled. He’d fucking smiled at me. Again. And it was just as magnificent as it had been the first time.

Life was all about choices. You chose what to make out of what you had.

“The Three Hundreds suck! You suck, Toronto!” What in the hell? Just as I started to glance around to see what idiot was yelling, Aiden’s index finger touched my chin. I stopped. “Don’t bother.” “Why?” I tried turning my head, but apparently his finger had Hulk-like strength because it didn’t go anywhere. “Because I don’t care what he thinks,” he said in a tone so serious I quit trying to look elsewhere and focused in on that handsome, grave face. “But it’s rude.” His hand moved from my chin around to the back of my head, that big palm cupping my neck. His thumb to the tip of his middle finger seemed to stretch nearly all the way around my throat. “Do you think I suck?” he asked me, seriously, in a voice low enough for only me to hear. I snorted, about to open my mouth and say something really smart-ass, but his thumb dug deep, the pressure making me groan out a hoarse noise of holy shit, do it again. But somehow I managed to say, “No,” instead. “Then why would I care what someone else thinks?” he murmured, steady and confident.

“The only people in the world who can hurt you are those you let have that ability,

Aiden didn’t smile back. His forehead tipped forward, and before I could react, before he said another word to me, he leaned forward, forward, forward and pressed his mouth just to the side of my mouth. A peck. A shot better than tequila, made up of friendship and affection and organic sugar.

Those brown eyes blinked. “You just flipped him off, didn’t you?” Yeah, my mouth dropped open. “How do you know when I do that?” My tone was just as astonished as it should be. “I know everything.” He said it like he really believed it.

“I know, Van.” His thumb massaged me again for all of about three seconds. “You know more about me than anyone else does.” A sudden memory of the night in my bed where he’d admitted his fear as a kid pecked at my brain, relaxing me, making me smile. “I really do, don’t I?” The expression on his face was like he was torn between being okay with the idea and being completely against it. Leaning in close to him again, I winked. “I’m taking your love of MILF porn to the grave with me, don’t worry.” He stared at me, unblinking, unflinching. And then: “I’ll cut the power at the house when you’re in the shower,” he said so evenly, so crisply, it took me a second to realize he was threatening me…

He was messing with me. Flirting with me. Aiden Graves. What was this?

“Touch my wife again, and I’ll break every bone in your goddamn body.”

He’d cussed. For me. For my honor. He’d said the ‘G’ word and it was just about the most romantic thing I’d ever heard in my life because Aiden didn’t do that. Then he steered that acid-like gaze to my sister, who suddenly looked more uncomfortable than anyone in the world had ever been. He didn’t say a word, but I could feel the disgust. I could feel words bouncing around in his head, shaping his tongue. I was sure Susie could sense them, too. It was right then, in that instant, that I realized I might be a little in love with Aiden. Not in a way that was anything like the easy crush I had on him in the past, but different. So, so different. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Seriously? I asked myself. Are you fucking serious, Vanessa?

“You didn’t have to get into a fight with him over it, Aiden. I don’t want that guilt on my head. The last thing I want is for you to get angry with yourself later.” Plus, what would I have done back then? Told Aiden his teammate had tried coming on to me? He wouldn’t have done anything. I knew that. The Aiden from a few months ago knew that, too. “I did have to, and I would do it again.” I blinked. Then I blinked a little more, having to look up at the ceiling so that I could collect my words. A touch at the side of my jaw had me tipping my head back to look into those deep brown eyes. Everything about him was serious and intent. “I know you think I wouldn’t care,” he said in that whisper voice that bled solemnness, “but I would. I do. We’re in this together.” My mouth suddenly dry, I nodded. “Yes.” “Trust me, Van. Tell me. I won’t let you down.”

“Does anyone know about them?” “Are you kidding me? No way. If anyone asked, I told them I got a scholarship,” I finally admitted to someone. “You’re the first person I’ve ever admitted that to.” “You haven’t even told Zac?” I gave him a weird look. “No. I don’t like telling everyone that I’m an idiot.” “Just me?” I stuck my tongue out. “Shut up.”

“I know you said you don’t have time for relationships, but there’s no way you can’t make time for him. Look at him. I loved him the moment I saw him. I was almost about to play it off like I bought him for myself when you walked in.” He nodded quickly, too quickly for my heart to handle appropriately. “Yeah, you’re right. I can make time.” Aiden licked his lips and pierced me with a brief look that had me frozen in place once again. It was the single sweetest, most eye-opening expression I’d ever had anyone directed at me. “I’m starting to understand that you can always make time for the things that matter.”

Since then, I’d showered and gone downstairs to watch some television, and that’s where Aiden had found me after he’d apparently showered… with his little guy in his arms. It was seriously killing me. This gigantic guy carrying an eight pound dog around in his huge arms. God help us. I needed to find some puppies and pay some ripped up models to pose with them. I could make a killing if I put them on calendars.

He raised his eyebrows at me, the corners of his mouth pulling up when we finally stood feet apart. “Hi.” I was going to burst. I was going to freaking burst inside. “I’m about to hug you,” I warned him in what sounded like a gasp, clenching my hands at my sides. “I’m about to hug the shit out of you, and I’m sorry I’m not sorry.” Those thick eyebrows seemed to climb up his forehead an inch higher, his cheek ticking in this strange way that made him seem a little embarrassed. “Why are you saying that like I should be scared?”

In that moment, I don’t think I had ever loved anything half as much as I loved Aiden.

Of all the people I would ever want in my corner for moral support, here was the most unexpected one… and the biggest one. My friend. The keeper of my secrets. My moral support. My paperwork.

“No,” the familiar, deep voice answered unexpectedly, right before he dropped a metal chair into place right next to me. “She’s mine.” And he went for it. My heart went for it too—over the cliff that is.

He did things to my damaged brain

“I really can’t believe you’re here.” “You said that already,” he murmured as his eyes dropped from mine to somewhere slightly below. “Too bad. I’m in shock.” I gave his leg a squeeze before straightening in my chair and grinning at him. “Yay,” I whispered. His eyelids hooded low over those clear, dark orbs. “You’re going to give me diabetes.” That had me bursting out laughing, lifting the stress off of me for a moment, earning me that tiny little curl on the corners of his mouth.

“You haven’t left me when I needed you. Why wouldn’t I do the same for you?”

He scratched his jaw and my gaze stuck to the white-gold wedding band he’d started wearing right after Toronto.

Fake marriage meu cu

His face was so… expectant, so fucking expectant like he didn’t doubt I could play this off, that I realized how badly I needed to, how much my terrible-lying-ass was willing to do to make sure he was happy.

can’t believe you’re Aiden’s Vanessa.” Cain glanced at the big guy, who was standing just slightly behind me and to the right. I wished.

I mean, it wasn’t like this was the first time I’d sat on someone’s leg. Friends did that kind of stuff. Married people snuggled, at least that’s what I reasoned with myself. Not because I wanted to sit on his lap or anything. Nope.

A man who I was in love with, but didn’t love

ARE YOU BLIND? HE FUCKING LOVES U AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Was anyone ever totally okay though?

Some things just sort of clicked together. Why Trevor had always been such an asshole to me—prima ballerinas didn’t like dancing in anyone else’s limelight. Why he had fought so much to try to keep me from quitting—to save his own hide. Why he’d been so on edge since we got married and didn’t tell him—because it seemed like we were ganging up on him, which was a partial truth. But the news made me reel. It felt like the rug had been pulled out from under my feet. He’d liked me. Aiden had fucking liked me. He hadn’t been joking so many months ago.

“Are you all right?” “No.” I looked around to make sure the woman who handed me the phone wasn’t listening. There were too many people around, all living their own lives, worrying about themselves. “I’m trying to talk myself into doing this even if I come in last,” I admitted. “You’re about to run a marathon. Do you think it matters if you come in last as long as you finish it?” he asked. I blinked and let the anxious tears pool in my eyes for the first time. “But what if I can’t finish it?” The voice on the other end let out a sigh. “You can finish the marathon. Graves aren’t quitters.” Graves. Graves weren’t quitters.

“Vanessa,” he rumbled my name in a way that felt like a caress to my spine. “You’re a Graves where it matters. I don’t know anybody else who could do what you’ve done. Come out on top of what you have. You can do this. You can do anything, do you understand me? Even if you limp your way through the last sixteen miles, you’re going to finish it because that’s just who you are.”

“Vanessa, you can do this. I’m not doubting you for a second, and you shouldn’t be doubting yourself either,” he demanded. “I know you’re hurting right now, but I’m willing to bet none of your sisters would be able to do what you’re about to do.” He’d gone for the killing blow. The one thing in the world to resuscitate me. Aiden got me and he got me good. “I’ve got this,” I said in a muffled voice. I had to have this. There wasn’t a choice, was there? “You’ve got this,” he repeated with more conviction. “You can do this.” Now or never right? “I’ve got this.” He made a light noise, a tender one. “That’s my girl.” His girl? “I am?” I just outright asked him, hoping more than a little he wasn’t just… that was stupid, Aiden wouldn’t just say that. “The only one,” he said it like there was no other choice in the world. How could I not tackle universes with that kind of possessiveness from the most driven man I’d ever meet? “I might not be able to walk after I cross the finish line, but I’m going to do it. Can I call you after I’m done when I’m lying on a hospital bed?” “You’d better.”

“That’s my girl. That’s my fucking girl.” “What are you doing here?” I practically bawled into him. “I missed you.” “You what?” His arms tightened around me. “I missed you very much.” Oh hell. “I had to come see you,” he continued on. “You were here, and you didn’t tell me?”

“Are you kissing me?” “Yes. I’m so proud of you.” “Okay,” I whined with a sniffle. Yeah, I hugged that big neck even tighter. “Will you take me home, big guy?” My no-nonsense, no-bullshit Aiden said it. “After you walk around for ten minutes to cool down.”

loved him. I loved him. I loved him so much I would do just about anything for him. I loved him enough to risk spending the next four and a half years of my life with a man who would more than likely divorce me and move on with his career. Because fuck it, what was life if you didn’t live it and make the most out of it? What was life without loving someone who cared about you a lot more than he cared about anyone else? That was my truth. Aiden had hugged me and told me he was proud of me in front of reporters and strangers alike, when he held on to his privacy with both hands. And it hadn’t been fake. I could do this. I would. Because I would rather tell him than spend the rest of my life wondering about what would have happened if I told him he meant the world to me. That he was the first new person in my life I completely trusted. That I could settle for being number two in his life until he had more time.

“Did you listen to anything I told you when you finished your run? I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much you can’t begin to comprehend how much. I didn’t want to leave you. I kept trying to talk myself out of going. Why do you think I never brought it up?”

“How do you not know that you mean the world to me? I haven’t made it clear enough?” “I don’t know,” I stuttered. “Do you love me?” His gaze was so intent the entire world seemed to stop. “You tell me. I never stop thinking about you. I worry about you all the time. Every beautiful thing I see reminds me of you. I can’t finish my practices in Colorado without wishing you were around,” he said in a steady tone. “You tell me what I feel.”

“Home is where you are. I would go anywhere for you if you wanted me to be there.”

“I don’t know anything about relationships, Van, but I know I love you. I know I’ve waited my entire life to love you, and I’ll do whatever I have to, to make this work.”