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prospect theory describes how people choose between options that involve risk, like in a negotiation.
To get real leverage, you have to persuade them that they have something concrete to lose if the deal falls through.
Understand, if you offer a range (and it’s a good idea to do so) expect them to come in at the low end.
The biggest thing to remember is that numbers that end in 0 inevitably feel like temporary placeholders, guesstimates that you can easily be negotiated off of. But anything you throw out that sounds less rounded—say, $37,263—feels like a figure that you came to as a result of thoughtful calculation.
What about this is important to you? How can I help to make this better for us? How would you like me to proceed? What is it that brought us into this situation? How can we solve this problem? What’s the objective? / What are we trying to accomplish here? How am I supposed to do that?
A repetitive series of “What” and “How” questions can help you overcome the aggressive tactics of a manipulative adversary.
That is, only 7 percent of a message is based on the words while 38 percent comes from the tone of voice and 55 percent from the speaker’s body language and face.
The Rule of Three is simply getting the other guy to agree to the same thing three times in the same conversation.
liars use more words than truth tellers and use far more third-person pronouns.
liars tend to speak in more complex sentences in an attempt to win over their suspicious counterparts.
People who are lying are, understandably, more worried about being believed, so they work harder—too hard, as it were—at being believable.
If you’re hearing a lot of “I,” “me,” and “my,” the real power to decide probably lies elsewhere. Picking up a lot of “we,” “they,” and “them,” it’s more likely you’re dealing directly with a savvy decision maker keeping his options open.
Experienced negotiators often lead with a ridiculous offer, an extreme anchor. And if you’re not prepared to handle it, you’ll lose your moorings and immediately go to your maximum. It’s human nature.
“Voss got this guy out for $4,751? How does $1 make a difference?” They were howling with laughter, and they had a point. That $1 is ridiculous. But it works on our human nature. Notice that you can’t buy anything for $2, but you can buy a million things for $1.99. How does a cent change anything? It doesn’t. But it makes a difference every time. We just like $1.99 more than $2.00 even if we know it’s a trick.
Sure, the kidnapper has something you love, but you have something they lust for. Which is more powerful? Moreover, how many buyers do the kidnappers have for the commodity they are trying to sell? What business is successful if there’s only one buyer?
Whenever the other side says, “I want …” as in, “I want to buy your car,” you have positive leverage.
If you can show inconsistencies between their beliefs and their actions, you have normative leverage. No one likes to look like a hypocrite.
That’s why reporters have a credo to never turn off their recorders: you always get the best stuff at the beginning and the end of an interview.
More than a little research has shown that genuine, honest conflict between people over their goals actually helps energize the problem-solving process in a collaborative way.
Your amygdala, the part of the brain that processes fear, will try to convince you to give up, to flee, because the other guy is right, or you’re being cruel.
