Crooked Kingdom (Six of Crows, #2)

by Leigh Bardugo

“There’s more,” said Specht. “Matthias, you’re dead.” “Pardon?” Matthias’ Kerch was good, but perhaps there were still gaps. “You were shanked in the Hellgate infirmary.” The room went quiet. Jesper sat down heavily. “Muzzen is dead?” “Muzzen?” Matthias could not place the name. “He took your place in Hellgate,” Jesper said. “So you could join the Ice Court job.”

Omg i totally forgot about him

“Big, blond, and blind,” Jesper said. “The Fjerdan way.”

“It smells so much better here.” Expensive tobacco, morning rain still damp on the cobblestones, blue clouds of hyacinths in the window boxes. No urine, no vomit, no cheap perfume or garbage rot. Even the tang of coal smoke seemed fainter.

“Madeleine?” Jesper said. “Madeleine Michaud?” “You said we’d have breakfast!” “I had to go to Fjerda.” “Fjerda?” Jesper headed up the stairs after Wylan, then poked his head back into the reading room. “If I live, I’ll buy you waffles.” “You don’t have enough money to buy her waffles,” Wylan grumbled. “Be quiet. We’re in a library.”

Van Eck crumpled the note in his fist, but not before Inej made out the words in Kaz’s jagged, unmistakable hand: Noon tomorrow. Goedmedbridge. With her knives.

But Inej was done being frightened of this man. Before Van Eck could take another breath, she slammed her forehead upward, shattering his nose. He screamed and released her as blood gushed over his fine mercher suit. Instantly, his guards were on her, pulling her back. “You little wretch,” Van Eck said, holding a monogrammed handkerchief to his face. “You little whore. I’ll take a hammer to both your legs myself—” “Go on, Van Eck, threaten me. Tell me all the little things I am. You lay a finger on me and Kaz Brekker will cut the baby from your pretty wife’s stomach and hang its body from a balcony at the Exchange.”

Kaz had tapped his crow’s head cane on the flagstones of the tomb floor. “Do you know what Van Eck’s problem is?” “No honor?” said Matthias. “Rotten parenting skills?” said Nina. “Receding hairline?” offered Jesper. “No,” said Kaz. “Too much to lose. And he gave us a map to what to steal first.”

They’d tucked her into a warm coat, then shepherded her out of the house and into the waiting boat. She’d been so docile that Nina had become concerned. “Maybe she’s not getting enough blood to her brain?” she’d murmured to Matthias.

“Getting pregnant isn’t actually a special talent. Ask any luckless girl in the Barrel.”

“I like singing,” said Alys. Wylan shook his head frantically, mouthing, No, no, no. “Shall I sing?” Alys asked hopefully. “Bajan says that I’m good enough to be on the stage.” “Maybe we save that for later—” suggested Jesper. Alys’ lower lip began to wobble like a plate about to break. “Sing,” Matthias blurted, “by all means, sing.” And then the real nightmare began.

Nina leaned against the doorway and said, “Well, the story is that when a woman found out her husband had fallen in love with a girl from West Stave and planned to leave her, she came to the bridge and, rather than live without him, hurled herself into the canal.” “Over a man with so little honor?” “You’d never be tempted? All the fruits and flesh of West Stave before you?” “Would you throw yourself off a bridge for a man who was?” “I wouldn’t throw myself off a bridge for the king of Ravka.” “It’s a terrible story,” said Matthias. “I doubt it’s true. It’s just what happens when you let men name the bridges.”

If they started running, it might draw stadwatch attention. Jesper struggled not to laugh. That was definitely Matthias and Wylan. Matthias was hurling the money with way too much force and Wylan with way too much enthusiasm. The kid’s throwing arm needed serious work. He looked like he was actively trying to dislocate his shoulder.

“I don’t think this was the first attack,” Jesper said. “Wylan, remember how terrified that Squaller in the rare books room was?

I thought that guy just hated Shu

“Do not lick Wyvil. Does someone want to write that down?”

of putting her out of her misery, then cut his losses and move on. “I would come for you,” he said, and when he saw the wary look she shot him, he said it again. “I would come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together—knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.”

Oh for fucks sake KISS already

“And how are you today?” Matthias asked. “Pardon?” the woman said. “Nothing,” Nina said in Ravkan. “He was saying how beautifully the Ravkan women age.” The woman gave a gap-toothed grin and ran her eyes up and down Matthias in an appraising fashion. “Always had a taste for Fjerdans. Ask him if he wants to play Princess and Barbarian,” she said with a cackle.

said, “In Ravka, there’s a popular series of stories about, um, a brave Fjerdan warrior—” “Really?” Matthias asked. “He’s the hero?” “In a manner of speaking. He kidnaps a Ravkan princess—” “That would never happen.” “In the story it does, and”—she cleared her throat—“they spend a long time getting to know each other. In his cave.”

Oh so she's read ice planet barbarians…

“Oh dear,” she said to Jesper, “your friend’s gone quite pale again. Perhaps a stimulant?”

And if I ever hear you call yourself a moron again, I’m going to tell Matthias you tried to kiss Nina. With tongue.” Wylan wiped his nose on his sleeve. “He’ll never believe it.” “Then I’ll tell Nina you tried to kiss Matthias. With tongue.”

“Nina—” he started, then stopped. “Nina, I am with you because you let me be with you. There is no greater honor than to stand by your side.”

“Pick up the pace,” Kaz said, eyeing his watch. “If I spill a single drop of this, it will burn straight through the floor onto my father’s dinner guests.” “Take your time.”

“We are well and truly cooked.”

“It could be worse,” she said. “I once knew a woman who rubbed whale placenta on her face in the hopes of looking younger. To say nothing of what she did with the monkey saliva.” “Human tissue sounds delightful,” amended Jesper. “That’s what I thought.”

Even without the pin, she would have recognized Jan Van Eck’s resemblance to Wylan. She eyed his receding hairline. Poor Wylan might have to invest in a good tonic.

A criminal? A runaway? A kid who was passable—maybe more than passable—at demo?

Wylan ran his tongue over his lips and spat in his father’s face.

“Why does your weak king send a filthy pirate to do his bidding?” sneered the Fjerdan ambassador, his words echoing across the cathedral. “Privateer,” corrected Sturmhond. “I suppose he thought my good looks would give me the advantage. Not a concern where you’re from, I take it?” “Preening, ridiculous peacock. You stink of Grisha foulness.” Sturmhond sniffed the air. “I’m amazed you can detect anything over the reek of ice and inbreeding.”

He was pale, with tufty orange brows and a hunched posture that gave him the look of a giant shrimp.

Sturmhond gave a jagged-edged laugh and shrugged. “One hundred and twenty million kruge.” Inej bit her lip so hard she drew blood. Boom. The massive double doors blew open. A wave of seawater crashed through into the nave, frothing between the pews, then vanishing in a cloud of mist. The crowd’s excited chatter turned to startled cries.

Just like mousehunt lol

As she’d once used her power to heal or rend skin, or even place a flush in someone’s cheeks, she had concentrated on those decaying cells and funneled a slender sheath of necrotic flesh into the compressed glass case.

Ew

Jellen Radmakker had fallen to the stage and was bellowing, “I’ve been shot!” He had not been shot.

The medik looked a bit green. “I am not … I do not treat female problems. Besides, why aren’t you having your baby at home?” he asked suspiciously.

You don’t win by running one game. How long had Kaz been planning to hand Wylan his father’s empire?

Rotty would bring them up through the manufacturing district, where the Grisha refugees had fled after the auction, after discarding the blue robes they’d worn to pretend to be the Council of Tides.