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“She was a queen, Jes,” he said. “She was our queen.”
But he was his mother’s son.
“Don’t be a Matthias.” Nina covered her mouth in horror. “I’m going to eat twice as much cake to make up for it.”
I will have you without armor. Those were the words she’d said to Kaz aboard the Ferolind, desperate for some sign that he might open himself to her, that they could be more than two wary creatures united by their distrust of the world.
Yes, thought Kaz without hesitation. There’s one person I would trust. One person I know would never use my weaknesses against me.
“You’re not weak because you can’t read. You’re weak because you’re afraid of people seeing your weakness. You’re letting shame decide who you are.
but for the first time since he’d looked into Nina’s eyes and seen his own humanity reflected back at him, the war inside him quieted.
“Perhaps they worried you would talk yourself to death.”
But he was also Jakob Hertzoon, the supposedly upstanding merch who had fed Kaz and Jordie on comfort and confidence, then taken their money and left them helpless in a city that put no value on mercy.
To hell with revenge, to hell with his schemes. If Rollins had done something to Inej, Kaz would paint East Stave with his entrails.
He’d failed them. He’d failed her.
Jesper could be dead already. Inej could be bleeding on the streets of Sweet Reef.
Nina glanced from Inej to Kaz and saw they both wore the same expression. Nina knew that look. It came after the shipwreck, when the tide moved against you and the sky had gone dark. It was the first sight of land, the hope of shelter and even salvation that might await you on a distant shore.
How often had Wylan spoken almost the same words to his father, hoping every time that he could make good on them?
Then they were all hugging, and Wylan was horrified to find his eyes filling with tears.
but he had that wonderful glimmer-eyed look he always seemed to get when he’d been in a fight.
Until this moment, Wylan hadn’t quite understood how much they meant to him. His father would have sneered at these thugs and thieves, a disgraced soldier, a gambler who couldn’t keep out of the red. But they were his first friends, his only friends, and Wylan knew that even if he’d had his pick of a thousand companions, these would have been the people he chose.
“I’m sorry, Matthias,” she said with her mouth full. “I’ve decided to run off with Jesper’s father. He keeps me in the deliciousness to which I have become accustomed.”
“I am grateful you’re alive,” he said. “I am grateful you’re beside me. I am grateful that you’re eating.”
my love.”
The Dregs, Kaz’s gang. They had turned on him.
“What do you think my forgiveness looks like, Jordie?”
For the briefest moment, Kaz’s face went slack, a confused, almost frightened look in his dark eyes
“Jesper hasn’t shot him,” Nina said. “Kaz isn’t using his cane,” said Inej.
Jesper and Kaz both startled, and then, to Wylan’s shock, they stepped away from each other, looking guilty.
Then Nina giggled. “You are in so much trouble.” Jesper scowled. “Matthias, Nina let Cornelis Smeet grope her bottom.” Nina stopped laughing. “I am going to turn your teeth inside out.”
Inej cocked her head to one side. “Jesper Llewellyn Fahey?” “Shut up,” said Jesper. “It’s a family name.” Inej made a solemn bow. “Whatever you say, Llewellyn.”
“Stop treating your pain like it’s something you imagined. If you see the wound is real, then you can heal it.”
Guilt and love and resentment were all tangled up inside him, and every time he tried to unravel the knot in his gut, it just got worse.
And how could he be angry at his father? The person who loved him most in the world, who had worked to give him everything he had, the person he’d take a bullet for any day of the week?
“I love you, Da. I love you with all my lying, thieving, worthless heart, but yes, you did.” “What?” sputtered Colm. “You taught me to lie.”
And did any of that really matter when Wylan was looking at him like that—head tilted to the side, a slight smile playing over his lips? He looked almost … bold.
He looked like he’d fallen into the wrong story, a prince turned pauper.
He’d felt the tug of something more, something that came to life in Wylan’s unexpected courage, in his wide-eyed, generous way of looking at the world.
That wasn’t Kuwei in the doorway. It was Wylan Van Eck, budding demolitions expert and wayward rich kid. And that meant he’d just kissed …
Jesper jabbed an accusing finger at Kuwei. “You should have said something!” Kuwei shrugged. “You were very brave on Black Veil. Since we’re all probably going to die—” “Damn it,” Jesper cursed, stalking toward the door. “You’re a very good kisser,” called Kuwei after him.
as if they weren’t the team that had broken into the Ice Court and bested the Fjerdan military with little more than their wits and nerve, only a bunch of children worn out after a particularly brutal birthday party.
He fears for her, Matthias thought, and he does not like it.
The man staying here is registered under the name Johannus Rietveld.”
“This is the city I bled for. And if Ketterdam has taught me anything, it’s that you can always bleed a little more.”
Kaz had used Jordie’s middle name and their shared family name to create the farmer’s identity years ago.
Was Johannus Rietveld meant to be his Jakob Hertzoon? A respectable identity like the one Pekka Rollins had crafted to better dupe gullible pigeons? Or had it been some way of resurrecting the family he’d lost?
He stripped off his gloves and dunked his hands in the water, then splashed it over his face, running his fingers through his hair.
“I don’t want you beholden to Per Haskell. Or me.” Another half-truth. His mind had concocted a hundred schemes to bind her to him, to keep her in this city.
Her voice was gentle, patient—why was it making him want to set fire to something?
Why had he called Jesper by Jordie’s name? When he looked into the past, he saw his brother through the eyes of the boy he’d been: brave, brilliant, infallible, a knight bested by a dragon dressed like a merch. But how would he see Jordie now? As a mark? Another dumb pigeon looking for a shortcut?
“You protected me, Kaz.”
He didn’t mean to say it. He meant to let her go. “I can help you.”
Tell her to get out, a voice inside him demanded. Beg her to stay.
His knuckles brushed against her skin and lightning cracked through him, left him paralyzed, rooted to the earth. His heart should not be making that sound. Maybe he would never get to the Slat. Maybe this would kill him.
