How to Have a Good Day: Harness the Power of Behavioral Science to Transform Your Working Life

by Caroline Webb

MAKING THINGS HAPPEN When you next need help, support, or engagement from someone: Provide context. Give at least a brief reason for your request, to explain why it matters. Make it easy for them. • Work out what might prevent people from doing what you hope, and remove that barrier. (And because effort is a general barrier to action, make your desired option the “do nothing” option where you can.) • Make a concrete suggestion to “anchor” the discussion and reduce the amount of thought needed. (For numerical negotiations, try suggesting a range between your realistic desired outcome and an even better one.) • Provide visual cues that draw attention to the outcome you want. Bring the benefits to life. Don’t assume that the benefits of what you’re asking are obvious to others. Paint a picture that shows how it will help them personally (or causes they care about). Proactively address anything that might seem like a downside. Use social proof. Show how similar people have already done what you’re asking. If you have aspirations to engage a lot of people, first find and focus on the (sometimes hidden) influencers: “experts,” “hubs,” and “gatekeepers.” Get them involved. When your success requires full buy-in from other people, let them contribute in some way. Ask for people’s views, and then connect your idea or request to their own thoughts on the topic. Ask for advice before you ask for help. Leave room for people to come up with options or make some of their own choices. Gi...

In the absence of any information to the contrary, the brain’s automatic system takes another of its infamous shortcuts: “If someone seems to believe in what they’re saying, they’re probably right.” Scientists call this shortcut the confidence heuristic.

Psychologists Wendy Berry Mendes and Jeremy Jamieson, at the University of California, San Francisco, and the University of Rochester, respectively, have conducted a number of studies showing that people perform better when they decide to interpret their fast heartbeat and breathing as “a resource that aids performance.” As they say: “Arousal is semantically and psychologically fuzzy. Our responses depend in large part on how a situation and our body’s responses are construed.”

Those volunteers, the ones who spent time reflecting on an important personal value, had a different experience in the stressful parts of the test that followed. They reported feeling better able to cope and less anxious about the speech. And their brains and bodies apparently agreed, because the level of cortisol in their saliva was indeed markedly lower.

Here are three things to try before you step up to the plate with a big request or bold assertion: Write a couple of sentences about your broader aspirations in life or work.

Remind yourself of the noble reason behind the thing you’re about to do.

Focus on whatever you feel most strongly about.

And when volunteers spent a couple of minutes stretching their arms and legs to expand their physical space before giving a speech, Cuddy found their performances were more highly rated by independent observers compared with other people who’d been sitting around normally beforehand.8

When you’re next interacting with someone from whom you’re seeking more recognition, try drawing on the advice from throughout Part V—as Cristine did—with these approaches:

Start where they are. Find out what the person is most concerned or excited about in their own work. Show them how your work relates to those things.

Put a human face on it.

Keep it simple.

Give context.

Harness social proof.

Involve them.

Give as well as get.

CONVEYING CONFIDENCE Think about the next time you know you’re going to want to be your most confident self. Try these techniques: Reframe nerves as excitement. When you notice the physical signs of being keyed up, such as faster heartbeat and breathing, see them as evidence of your readiness for the challenge. Think “game on” rather than “game over.” Connect to your values. What really matters to you in life and work? What’s the bigger purpose of what you’re asking or advocating? Keep that front of mind for yourself, perhaps by writing a note to yourself before your big moment. Focus your message on the things you most care about. Take your space. Plan to give yourself five minutes beforehand to stand straight, throw your arms wide, and square your shoulders. In the situation itself, make just as sure to “take your space” then, too, by sitting tall rather than hunching over with folded arms. Score more personal recognition. Apply all the influencing advice from Part V in the way you talk about your personal achievements, as shown in the list above. Keep track of your small day-to-day successes, so that neither you nor your boss has to rely on imperfect memories to recall all you’ve achieved. Do also revisit the advice from Chapter 3: mental contrasting, priming, and mind’s-eye rehearsal. All those techniques can help boost your self-assurance when you’re facing a challenge.

As Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert has shown in his decades of research on affective forecasting, we have a tendency to overestimate the personal impact of every life event, good or bad. Even with the worst that life can throw at us, we have a remarkable capacity to adjust to new circumstances and get back to our former levels of happiness.

A powerful way of quickly reducing our levels of worry, anger, or frustration is to do what behavioral scientists call affect labeling.

Distancing has been found to help when the immediate threat has passed, too. Research finds that people feel calmer when looking back at a recent unpleasant event if they describe it as an observer would have seen it. And learning how to use distancing seems to have a lasting beneficial effect, making it easier for people to stay calm the next time something stressful happens.6 Here are some ways to adopt a distanced perspective when you’re worried about something: Talk to yourself. Instead of saying to yourself: “I’m worried about this afternoon’s meeting because…,” try “You’re nervous about this afternoon’s meeting because…” Travel forward in time. Ask yourself: “What will I think about this a month from now, or a year from now?” Simple, but it’s a favorite of mine precisely because of that. Wear someone else’s shoes. Think about what someone else would say if they were describing the situation from a neutral perspective, for example that of a stranger passing by.

Inhabit your “best self.” Think about the person you are when you’re at your wisest, and ask what that “best self” would say about the situation.

Advise a friend.

In fact, I’ve seen scores of executives make good use of the advice of orchestra conductor Ben Zander, who suggests going a step further. He famously counsels musicians to throw their hands in the air and say “How fascinating!” when they make a mistake in their playing, before asking themselves what they can learn from the experience.

KEEPING A COOL HEAD You can’t know for sure when the next curveball is going to come your way. But you can do some preparation to make sure you have “stay cool” techniques ready for the next time it happens. Practice with whatever is most bothering you at the moment. Label it. Write down how you feel about this situation, and why. Get some distance. Try: talking to yourself in the second person, addressing yourself as “you”; looking back from the future; wearing someone else’s shoes, perhaps those of your “best self”; imagining you’re advising a friend. Ask a rewarding question. • Ask: “How fascinating! What can I learn from this?” • Think of a crucible moment, where you overcame a challenge in the past. Ask: “What qualities allowed me to overcome that? What does that tell me about my ability to improve this situation?” • Ask: “What am I really trying to achieve? How can I refocus on that?” Do some diaphragmatic breathing. Get used to the unfamiliar sensation of your lungs being truly full. Repeat a few times and notice the effects. Master the unknown. Consider the issue where you’re facing most uncertainty at the moment. Work out what you do know or control.

But if our day still turns out to be unpleasant, the good news is that we can also edit our interpretation of reality after the fact, using a technique that scientists call reappraisal.

Step 1: List the “true facts.”

Step 2: Highlight the assumptions you’re making.

Step 3: Generate alternative interpretations. Look hard at your assumptions, and turn the biggest ones on their head. It may help to know that they’re likely to be the ones that are personal, pervasive, or permanent.

This difficulty in letting go of bad investments of time, energy, or money is such a human universal that economists even have a name for it—the sunk cost fallacy.

If this still feels counterintuitive, psychologists have found that people are better able to think clearly about sunk costs if they make sure to pay close attention to the benefits of moving on.

MOVING ON To practice the techniques from this chapter, pick a recent negative event that still annoys or upsets you when you think about it. Reappraise the situation. What are the true facts? What are you assuming? (Are any of those assumptions personal, pervasive, or permanent?) What would be an alternative way of explaining the facts? What evidence might support that alternative interpretation? Ditch your sunk costs. For a situation that’s failing to improve despite your efforts, ignore sunk costs and look only at the future costs and benefits of investing more versus walking away. In the benefits of walking away, include what you’ve learned from the experience. Find a way through when someone screws up. Avoid putting the person deeper into defensive mode: acknowledge they may not have intended to screw up; talk about their actions, not their character; focus on solutions, not on blame (for now). Use distancing techniques and rewarding questions (from Chapter 17) to reduce stress levels. Then work back from the ideal outcome you both want, using the positive framing technique (from Chapter 13) to keep everyone in discovery mode as you solve the problem.

And it’s important to remember that exercise isn’t time out; it’s time invested.

1. THREE GOOD THINGS One of the easiest ways to lift your spirits is to think about things you’re glad about. Psychologists often call this the “gratitude exercise”; I refer to it as the “three good things,” since that’s a good description of how it actually works. Which is simply this: take a moment to think about three positive things that have happened to you.

2. RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS

3. FIND SOMETHING INTERESTING

4. GIVE YOURSELF A QUICK WIN

After diligently working through twelve thousand days’ worth of data, they concluded: “Of all the things that can boost emotions, motivation, and perceptions during a workday, the single most important is making progress in meaningful work.” So the trick is to: Pick something that really matters to you. Ask yourself: “What would be the smallest first step I could take toward that today?” Perhaps it’s making a phone call, or sending an email. Then do it—right now—and cross it off the list with contentment.

London School of Economics professor Nattavudh Powdthavee found that meaningful personal interactions with others had as much impact on well-being as an extra $142,000 of income a year.10

6. FIND THE PERSONAL PURPOSE

7. DON’T FORGET TO SMILE

Of the two, research has found that remembered happiness has the bigger impact on our sense of well-being—after all, it’s the story we tell ourselves about our day.

Instead, we tend to rate experiences as an average of the most intense moment (the peak) and how it finishes (the end). That’s what scientists call the peak-end effect.

TOPPING UP THE TANK To become more adept at boosting your energy on tiring days, take the following steps: Experiment with the seven energy boosters. See which of these works best for you: three good things; random acts of kindness; finding something interesting; giving yourself a quick win; making time for social connection; finding a personal purpose; smiling widely (even if you’re not quite feeling it).

End on a high note. Plot how to end each day—and indeed every interaction or task—on a high note, to take advantage of the peak-end effect. Try the three good things as an evening routine.

So when researchers invite people to “play to their strengths” more fully, they mean more than just applying accumulated knowledge. They’re asking us to make use of the qualities that define us when we’re at our best as human beings, that stem from our personalities and values. They’re asking not only what we’re good at, but also what we most care about and are most inspired by.

Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson. They were the first to come up with a taxonomy of what they call “character strengths,” and these are their categories: Wisdom: Strengths that involve the acquisition and use of knowledge, such as creativity, curiosity, judgment, love of learning, and perspective. Courage: Strengths requiring the exercise of will to accomplish goals in the face of opposition, like valor, perseverance, honesty, and zest. Humanity: Interpersonal strengths that involve understanding and supporting others, including love, kindness, and social intelligence. Justice: Strengths that underlie healthy civic and community life such as teamwork, fairness, and leadership. Temperance: Strengths that protect against excess and extreme behavior, including forgiveness, humility, prudence, and self-regulation. Transcendence: Strengths that help provide meaning and purpose to life, like appreciation (of excellence or beauty), gratitude, hope, humor, and a sense of spirituality.

PLAYING TO YOUR STRENGTHS To sustain your professional energy and enthusiasm (and boost your performance) over time: Identify your signature strengths. Set aside time to reflect on your signature strengths—the personal qualities, values, and skills that are characteristic of you when you’re at your best. Examine your peaks, ask others for input, and take a survey. Notice the themes that emerge. Apply your strengths more consciously. Every day for a week, find a way to play to one of your strengths more fully in the way you approach your work. When you take on new challenges, consider how to use your personal strengths to help you embrace the things you need to learn. Harness your personal interests for reinspiration. Be creative about ways you can relate your personal interests to your work.