How To Have A Good Day: The Essential Toolkit for a Productive Day at Work and Beyond

by Caroline Webb

And whenever I could, I’d ask my clients the same three questions: What does a good day look like for you? What about a bad one? What would it take to have more good days?

First, people often talked about getting a buzz from feeling productive, and from knowing that their efforts counted toward something worthwhile. The best days also tended to involve people feeling confident that they were doing a fine job, and that they had the support they needed from others. Finally, people talked about good days leaving them feeling more energized than depleted, overall.

How to Have a Good Day is all about the ways we can create more of these sorts of lucky breaks once we know more about the science of our magnificent minds.

As we change our intentions, our brain’s filters change, and the facts can appear to change with them.

The point behind all of this is clear: we miss a big opportunity if we simply let the day happen to us.

Aim: Think about each of the most important of today’s activities—the people you’ll meet, the work you’ll do. What really matters most in making them a success? That’s your real aim. Attitude: As you think about the upcoming workday, take a moment to notice and acknowledge the concerns that are dominating your thoughts or your mood. Do these concerns help you achieve your real aim—and if not, can you set them aside for now? Attention: Given your real priorities, where do you want to focus your attention? Figure out what you want to see more of, and then make sure you look out for it.

We just want to notice whenever we’re feeling strongly attached to some negative expectations about a situation or a person, and recognize that our attachment may cause us to filter out any evidence to the contrary.

What negative assumptions do you have about this person or activity?

What are you likely to focus on to confirm your assumptions?

If you had to challenge your negative assumptions, what would you say? What counterevidence can you look out for, to help you keep an open mind?

“For a long time, I worked with someone who was passive-aggressive, though she could become ‘aggressive-aggressive’ if rubbed the wrong way,” she laughs. “I’d often have to ask her to do things she wasn’t keen to do, and she usually responded by listing all the things that could go wrong. When I didn’t prepare mentally, I’d respond instinctively and see her behavior as a personal attack.”

I’d see the same conversation quite differently. I found myself able to interpret her comments less personally, seeing them as an expression of her own frustrations or even of her desire to get things right. And you know, maybe she was still being a pain. But I found time and again that my state of mind made such a difference to my perception of her behavior, and therefore my reaction to her.”

Your assumptions really color what you see and how you react.”

So when you’re looking at your aims for the day, don’t just set yourself task completion goals. Set at least one or two goals for your own behavior, and make them as specific as you possibly can, to magnify your chances of having the day you intended.

we should aim to describe them in a way that is positive, personally meaningful, feasible, and situation-specific.

“Everyone was constantly on the defensive. I kept on falling into what I call my ‘negative mind-trap’—telling myself, ‘If this fails, I’ll have no money.’ It had a big impact. I was often depressed coming to work, and it was hard for anyone to do their best work.” He was struck by the difference on days when he framed his goals more positively. “There

Ask yourself: “What positive outcome am I seeking? And what do I need to start doing, or do more of, to get that ideal outcome?”

“Framing things positively doesn’t mean you have to be fake. I had a boss who was a horrible person but walked around with a big smile plastered on his face. That’s not what this is about. It’s just about articulating your goals in a way that helps you achieve them, in your own genuine style.”

Create “approach” goals. Make sure your goals are about doing desirable things, or doing more of them, rather than avoiding bad things happening. If they’re negative in tone, turn them around. • Find a personal why. Can you articulate why the goal matters to you or how it will benefit something you care about? • Break off bite-sized chunks. If the actions to take are unclear, break your goal down into smaller, bite-sized chunks. Get especially clear on the very first step to take to make progress. • Make a “when-then” plan. Define clear situational prompts (“when X happens, then I will do Y”) to increase the chances that you’ll get your most important goals met today.

Relive past glories. Think about the positive intention you have for the day. Identify an example from your past, where you behaved and felt just as you’d like to today. Then find a quiet place where you can close your eyes and sit comfortably.

Then, close your eyes and visualize yourself handling it all beautifully, from start to finish. Play the full movie in your mind, with the sounds, sights, and sensations you expect or want to have.

Mind’s-eye rehearsal. Take a moment to visualize the most important part of your day going exactly as you hope. What will you be doing to overcome the challenges in your path? How will that look and feel? Can you recall a time in the past where you behaved just as you want to behave today, and bring that vividly to mind?

It’s simply not possible for us to sustain our brain’s highest-quality attention and analysis indefinitely, even if we would like

What’s the smallest first step you can take to move things forward?

This logic of comparative advantage can be a great help in prioritizing our work when we’re overloaded. We so often get pulled into tasks that we should, by rights, be asking others to help with. We tell ourselves that they’re not quite as experienced or knowledgeable as us, or that it will be quicker if we just do it ourselves. But there’s a massive cost to this way of thinking. By being unwilling to delegate tasks that others could reasonably help with, we fail to make progress on the important or tricky things that only we can do.

Which tasks truly fall into the category of those only you can do? Which tasks could someone else do moderately well (even if not quite as well as you)?

“Everything in life can feel important, but you can’t do everything. So I had to learn to let go of things, and it was ridiculously hard to do at first.”

We’ve talked about how having limited hours in the day means you can’t do it all. Every time you say yes to a request, you’re effectively saying no to something else.

ahead and blocked several of your favorite cat video sites.3 And it’s even more powerful to publicly commit to getting something done, because our brain’s threat-perception and reward systems are so highly responsive to our social standing.

Aim: First, decide what collaborative outcome you’d really like from the conversation. Make sure it’s one that is good for both of you, and that speaks to what matters most for your relationship.

Assumptions: Second, check your negative expectations regarding the other person, because they’ll shape what you notice. Instead, decide to look for something positive or interesting about that individual.

So if we show some real curiosity about other people, they’re going to find it rewarding to talk to us.

It means showing that we’ve understood where the other person is coming from, and highlighting the similarities between us.

Social psychologists like Ron Friedman have found that merely being near someone in a good mood can be enough to lift people’s motivation (and therefore their performance), and being near someone grumpy can do the opposite.

Step 1: Get clear on the “true facts.” All

So the first step is to strip away as much subjectivity as you can, by focusing on what actually happened, without interpretation or emotion.

Step 2: Assume “good person in bad circumstances,” and consider potential explanations for his or her behavior.

Once you’re in the habit of thinking like this, you can apply the “good person, bad circumstances” technique in seconds whenever you’re disconcerted by someone’s behavior.

When you encounter someone behaving in a way that seems dysfunctional—whether it’s a sharp comment, surprising stubbornness, a turf grab, or general unresponsiveness—it’s likely that something has put him or her into defensive mode.

have no idea what this person’s problem is,” take heart. There is a silver bullet, and it’s this: show them some appreciation. Telling someone that you recognize the efforts they’re making—or indeed sharing any kind of compliment—speaks to many fundamental human needs, by helping people feel more competent, valued, and fairly treated. That’s a recipe for cutting the tension quite quickly. Your

Or their bad temper might have nothing to do with you at all. And if you start copying them in on every single email you send, it’s not going to make them any happier to see you.

So it’s worth examining the baggage you’re bringing into the conversation, and handling it with care.

First, understand your “hot buttons,” the things that are most likely to trigger you.

Second, know the early warning signals that you’re slipping into defensive mode.

Third, have a simple go-to routine that allows you to step back and ...

finds that “asking myself ‘What really matters?’ is a good reset question for me. It stops me trying to pound the person with my point of view, by reminding me that’s not actually my aim. A better relationship is the aim.”

Step 1: Ask permission. Don’t just dive in. Say: “Our relationship is important to me, and there’s something on my mind—can I talk to you about it?”

Step 2: Describe what you observed. The trick here is to focus on the true facts, again without emotion, interpretation, or generalization. Don’t blurt out phrases like “You let me down” or “You’re no good at . . .”; these statements are debatable, because the other person can say, “That’s not true.” Instead, aim for something that feels more like “What I noticed was [fact, fact, fact].” For example, Simon said: “What I noticed was that when we met two weeks ago to discuss the outline of our proposal, I recall you used the phrase ‘you’re front-runners’—but then we didn’t make the short list.” (He did not say “you gave us false hope.”)

Step 3: Say how the facts made you feel. Next, describe the way the person’s behavior made you feel. The power of this step is that, again, it’s not disputable, and it humanizes the issue that you’re raising. For example, Simon said: “It made me feel confused, because I’d had positive feedback from you, and then we apparently didn’t even do well enough to make it to the next round. It makes me feel worried that I’m not understanding what you need or want from us.”

If you can, it also helps to add a sincere explanation of why this matters to you, to convey that this isn’t about you whining. You are speaking up because you feel this is important enough to merit discussion.