a big part of why I hadn’t tried it earlier. I was, in general, terrified of other people; I used drugs for emotional protection and social comfort. The idea of being made even more vulnerable and “broken down” as a way to heal addiction seemed like the exact opposite of what I needed. Being the center of inescapable public condemnation with no control over my environment was my idea of hell, not help. I suffered no shortage of shame, self-loathing, and guilt; I did not inject cocaine dozens of times a day because I was proud of myself.
