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January 10 - December 31, 2019
Recovery can involve as much unlearning as learning. My security cannot be based on learning “the rules,” because once I truly learn them, they change. With my Higher Power’s help, I will find some security in being exactly where I am today. “The Twelve Steps of our program have led me to a faith in God today which is based on acceptance of the world as it is. I no longer agonize over how the world should be.” As We Understood . . .
“Do not search for the truth,” said an ancient patriarch, “only cease to cherish opinions.”
It is no easy task to change the thinking of a lifetime, even when I am sure that I want to change. The Tenth Step allows me to be aware of sliding back into faulty thinking. I don’t have to abuse myself when it happens—that doesn’t help at all. By promptly admitting when I’m wrong, I am doing what I can to change. “No longer must we accumulate burdens of guilt or resentment that will become heavier and more potent over time. Each day, each new moment can be an opportunity to clear the air and start again, fresh and free.” . . . In All Our Affairs
The most loving form of detachment I have found has been forgiveness. Instead of thinking of it as an eraser to wipe another’s slate clean or a gavel that I pound to pronounce someone “not guilty,” I think of forgiveness as a scissors. I use it to cut the strings of resentment that bind me to a problem or a past hurt. By releasing resentment, I set myself free.
When I am trying to tackle a tough problem or cope with a stressful situation, and I’ve done all I can for the moment, what then? I can do something that will nurture my mind, body, or spirit. Perhaps I’ll take a walk or listen to music. Maybe I’ll meet a friend for coffee and conversation. I could have something nutritious to eat, or sit quietly and meditate, or read a book.
“The human mind always makes progress, but it is a progress in spirals.” Madame de Stael
“Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.” Victor Hugo
I am learning to choose where to focus my attention. Appreciating life’s simple gifts may take some practice, but as I become more aware of the beauty that is all around me, it gets easier to appreciate the beauty within. “Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially, I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful . . .” Just for Today
Sobriety brings change, but it doesn’t take away all the problems. Al-Anon helps me learn that I don’t have to accept the unacceptable, nor do I have to argue back or convince another person that I’m innocent or right. I can begin to recognize when I am dealing with alcoholism’s insanity, and I can detach. I certainly don’t have to respond by doubting myself.
when my thoughts race out of control, I need to stop. I may do this by breathing deeply and looking at my surroundings. It can help to replace the obsessive thoughts with something positive, such as an Al-Anon slogan, the Serenity Prayer, or another comforting topic that has nothing to do with my problem.
“All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone.” Blaise Pascal
For me, the exact nature of my wrongs is the unspoken, self-defeating assumptions that give rise to my thoughts and actions. These include notions that my best is not good enough, that I am not worthy of love, and that I have been hurt too deeply to ever really heal. If I dig deeply enough, I usually find thoughts such as these beneath the things I feel the worst about. I am learning to examine whether or not there is any truth to these assumptions. Then I can begin to build my life around a more realistic, more loving way of seeing myself.
when I give up worrying about everyone else and focus on my own health, I give others the freedom to consider their own recovery.
“Today is only a small manageable segment of time in which our difficulties need not overwhelm us. This lifts from our hearts and minds the heavy weight of both past and future.” One Day at a Time in Al-Anon
I read somewhere that the things that are urgent are rarely important, and the things that are important are rarely urgent. I can get so caught up in the nagging, trivial matters of day-to-day life that I forget to make time for more important pursuits.
I used to feel very hurt if anyone gave me an angry look, spoke in a harsh tone, or didn’t speak at all. I’ve grown enough in Al-Anon to realize that the look, tone, or mood of another person toward me often has nothing to do with me. It generally has more to do with what is going on inside the other person.
For a long time I tried to let go and let God, but I couldn’t seem to do it. I needed to find a concrete way to let go. I heard someone share at a meeting that she pictured her loved ones on a beautiful ocean beach, basking in the light of a Higher Power.
“If I really want to learn how to fit easily and happily into my environment and my relations with other people, Al-Anon has something for me.” One Day at a Time in Al-Anon
A good chuckle or an engrossing activity can lift my spirits and cleanse my mind. I will refresh myself by adding some lightness to this day. “Now I look for humor in every situation, and my Higher Power is a laughing God who reminds me not to take myself too seriously.” As We Understood . . .
“Half an hour’s meditation is essential except when you are very busy. Then a full hour is needed.” Francis de Sales
How often have I had a dream I longed to pursue, but quit before I started because it seemed too enormous a task to attempt? Going back to school, moving, taking a trip, changing jobs, all these and many other goals can seem overwhelming at first. Al-Anon reminds me to “Keep It Simple.” Instead of approaching the task as a whole, I can simplify it by taking only one step at a time. I can gather information—and do nothing more. Then, when I’m ready, I can take the project further. That takes some of the pressure off having to know all the answers and solve every problem that may arise before
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Sometimes the greatest growth comes through pain, but it’s not the pain that helps me grow, it’s my response to it. Will I suffer through the experience and continue as before or let the pain inspire changes that help me grow? The choice is mine.
If I so choose, I can regard everything that happens in my life as a gift from which I can learn and grow. Today I will find something positive hidden within a difficult situation and allow myself to be grateful. I may be surprised at how much a little gratitude can help. “When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars.” Charles A. Beard
The first thing that had to go was the control over others—it simply doesn’t work. Trying to be in control is an effective method of keeping loved ones at a distance. Instead, I admitted that I am powerless over others.
“Life, for all its agonies . . . is exciting and beautiful, amusing and artful and endearing . . . and whatever is to come after it—we shall not have this life again.” Rose Macaulay
I try very hard to make my serenity more important than any of the circumstances I encounter.
The image of an avalanche helps me to give the drinking alcoholic in my life the dignity to make her own decisions. It is as though her actions are forming a mountain of alcohol-related troubles. A mound of snow cannot indefinitely grow taller without tumbling down; neither can the alcoholic’s mountain of problems.
I will remember that knowing my boundaries does not mean forcing others to change; it means that I know my own limits and take care of myself by respecting them. The focus, today, is on me.
Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. “. . . I now try to take my problems to my Higher Power, but I leave the solutions and the time table up to Him.” As We Understood .
We must learn to love ourselves before we can truly love others.
Knowing that alcoholism is a disease can help us to respond with compassion rather than hostility.
Before a difficult situation escalates, we might excuse ourselves and step outside for a moment of privacy. Whether we find ourselves in a shopping center, an office, or a hospital, there will almost always be a restroom available where we can collect ourselves.
I must decide for myself whether I fit the requirement for Al-Anon membership. I will extend the same courtesy to others.
Focusing on ourselves simply means that when we acknowledge the situation as it is, we look at our options instead of looking at the options available to other people. We consider what is within our power to change instead of expecting others to do the changing. As a result, problems have a better chance of getting solved, and we lead more manageable lives.
What message does my silence communicate? Today I will try to align the stillness of my tongue with a stillness of spirit. “. . . If the silence has in it even a trace of anger or hostility, it loses all its power . . .. True quiet has the quality of serenity, acceptance, peace.” One Day at a Time in Al-Anon
I don’t have to invalidate anyone else’s views in order to validate my own. It’s all right to disagree. Today I will respect someone’s right to think differently. “Think for yourself and let others enjoy the privilege of doing so too.” Voltaire
