The Happiness Project

by Gretchen Rubin

A “happiness project” is an approach to changing your life. First is the preparation stage, when you identify what brings you joy, satisfaction, and engagement, and also what brings you guilt, anger, boredom, and remorse.

Second is the making of resolutions, when you identify the concrete actions that will boost your happiness. Then comes the interesting part: keeping your resolutions.

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Whenever you read this, and wherever you are, you are in the right place to begin.

I was in danger of wasting my life.

suffering from midlife malaise—a

“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.”

if I wanted a happiness project, I’d have to make the time.

I needed to change the lens through which I viewed everything familiar.

I wasn’t as happy as I could be, and my life wasn’t going to change unless I made it change.

I kept running up against paradoxes. I wanted to change myself but accept myself. I wanted to take myself less seriously—and also more seriously. I wanted to use my time well, but I also wanted to wander, to play, to read at whim. I wanted to think about myself so I could forget myself. I was always on the edge of agitation; I wanted to let go of envy and anxiety about the future, yet keep my energy and ambition.

and the remainder is a product of how a person thinks and acts.

people desire other things, such as power or wealth or losing ten pounds, because they believe they will lead to happiness, but their real goal is happiness.

“All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end.”

People are more likely to make progress on goals that are broken into concrete, measurable actions, with some kind of structured accountability and positive reinforcement.

The concept of “accessibility” suggested to me that by constantly reminding myself of certain goals and ideas, I could keep them more active in my mind.

For the first month, I’d attempt only January’s resolutions; in February, I’d add the next set of resolutions to the January set. By December, I’d be scoring myself on the whole year’s worth of resolutions.

TWELVE COMMANDMENTS

SECRETS OF ADULTHOOD

People don’t notice your mistakes as much as you think.

Most decisions don’t require extensive research.

Bring a sweater.

Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

one Secret of Adulthood is “Never start a sentence with the words ‘No offense’”?

happy people are more altruistic, more productive, more helpful, more likable, more creative, more resilient, more interested in others, friendlier, and healthier. Happy people make better friends, colleagues, and citizens.

I didn’t want to wait for a crisis to remake my life.

For my physical energy: I needed to make sure that I got enough sleep and enough exercise.

For my mental energy: I needed to tackle my apartment and office, which felt oppressively messy and crowded.

by acting as if you feel more energetic, you can become more energetic.

resolution for getting more sleep was to turn off the light.

Only the daily reminder on my Resolutions Chart kept me from staying up until midnight most nights.

With extrinsic motivation, people act to win external rewards or avoid external punishments; with intrinsic motivation, people act for their own satisfaction.

“Most decisions don’t require extensive research.”

Household disorder was a constant drain on my energy;

nostalgic clutter,

conservation clutter,

bargain clutter,

freebie clutter—the

crutch clutter.

aspirational clutter

outgrown clutter.

buyer’s remorse clutter,

if I were moving, would I pack this or get rid of it?”

“I never keep anything for sentimental reasons alone,” someone else claimed. “Only if I’m still using it.”

“Identify the problem.”

I started to apply the “one-minute rule”; I didn’t postpone any task that could be done in less than one minute.

the “evening tidy-up” by taking ten minutes before bed to do simple tidying.

“Act the way I want to feel.”

Although a “fake it till you feel it” strategy sounded hokey, I found it extremely effective.

“It is by studying little things,” wrote Samuel Johnson, “that we attain the great art of having as little misery, and as much happiness as possible.”