The Happiness Project

by Gretchen Rubin

I couldn’t change anyone else.

“What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.”

“They always said,” he told me, “that you have to do that kind of work for yourself. If you do it for other people, you end up wanting them to acknowledge it and to be grateful and to give you credit. If you do it for yourself, you don’t expect other people to react in a particular way.” I think that’s right.

“There is no love; there are only proofs of love.” Whatever love I might feel in my heart, others will see only my actions.

Do it for myself.

that happiness and unhappiness (or, in more scientific terms, positive affect and negative affect) aren’t opposite sides of the same emotion—they’re distinct and rise and fall independently.

To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right.

To be happy, I needed to generate more positive emotions, so that I increased the amount of joy, pleasure, enthusiasm, gratitude, intimacy, and friendship in my life.

I also needed to remove sources of bad feelings, so that I suffered less guilt, remorse, shame, anger, envy, boredom, and irritation.

“Feeling right” is about living the life that’s right for you—in occupation, location, marital status, and so on.

We are happy when we are growing.”

The First Splendid Truth: To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.

you can’t change anyone but yourself.

When you give up expecting a spouse to change (within reason), you lessen anger and resentment, and that creates a more loving atmosphere in a marriage.