Superhuman Social Skills: A Guide to Being Likeable, Winning Friends, and Building Your Social Circle

by Tynan

Although we use the phrase “social skill”, we treat social skills more like a mystic inborn force than an actual practicable skill.

There are four main channels being communicated on at all times: content, meta, emotion, and status.

The key thing to understand about the meta channel is that it's running all the time. Nothing you say will be taken entirely at face value. People you speak with will always be wondering what you really mean.

Come up with some ideas in your head, and check them later when you have more information. By making predictions and checking their accuracy later, you'll begin to calibrate your brain. When a prediction was off its mark, take the time to analyze and think about it.

Ever-so-surprisingly, actually being a leader indicates to others that you are, in fact, a leader. Be aware of what others are communicating on the status channel, and avoid mannerisms or habits that accidentally convey lower status.

First impressions are made quickly and endure as subconscious biases for a very long time.

Consider what about you makes you valuable as a friend, and whenever you're in a new social situation, think about which of your assets will most be appreciated by that group and work on conveying them. Do it early in the interaction and then move on to getting to know everyone else.

If you have a friend or family member who is willing to be completely honest with you, you can ask them what annoying habits you have. Don't ask if you have any, just assume that you do, and ask what they are. This saves your friend the awkward step of revealing to you that you have some.

The first warning sign is if you know the other person is an extrovert and likes to talk. If he hasn't asked you to explain something and you're talking more than fifty percent of the time, you're making a mistake.

If you need to share a long story or provide and involved explanation, put in lots of pauses. The best stories and explanations leave the listener rapt, afraid to speak and miss something. If the silences aren't filled, you can be sure that the person wants to hear what you have to say. If he asks questions, that's equally good. But if he changes the subject or decreases the depth of the conversation, he's probably looking for a way out.

Keep the setup very short, giving only the minimum amount of information needed so that the story makes sense.

Friendships start in unexpected places, and treating someone well who gave you a bad first impression could lead to you getting to knowing them better and changing your opinion of them.

Most people passively wait for friendships to spontaneously sprout, even though being proactive about the process is a lot more effective.

If you can be honest early in a friendship, you're bringing a lot of value.

If you don't already have a friend group that you love, building one may be the best possible use of your time.

The basic building block of furthering interests is creating opportunities for the group to spend time together and to bond.

Your overriding thought in any friend group that you're in should be to ask yourself what you can do to be of service to these people.